WWYD

murfygirl · December 2010

If a family member was being evicted from their home and needed a place to live would you let them come live with you?

misscharlotte04 · December 2010

Tough one. Honestly, it would depend on the person and the circumstance.

sleepingbeauty825 · December 2010

Depends on the family member. If it were a person who is responsible and likely to get on their toes within a few months, then yes of course. If it a person known for bouncing from place to place I would politely decline or not offer.

sunflowergrl · December 2010

Depends on the family member. Are they being evicted because they have no $ 'cause of drugs or alcohol etc.

If it were someone I was close to, who was just down on their luck, I would let them come stay with us.

That said however, also depending on who it is, I would set specific time limits.

liza0828 · December 2010

Totally depends on the situation. If I thought the family member was trustworthy, would not take advantage of us, and there would be an agreement that it would be a finite amount of time, then yes. But you'd have to lay down some expectations in advance.

berrysweet · December 2010

If there was no other place for them, yes. Regardless of whether or not I like them...I just feel like unless there are issues or drug use or physical/sexual abuse, that's something family does for each other. That said, I would still have a WRITTEN agreement about how long they could stay and what the expectations were (will they pitch in for groceries, utilities, etc).

murfygirl · December 2010

OK so I suppose I should give details since it would help people decide.

My FIL is in his 50's he has had his own business his whole life. It most of the time had paid the bills but never been super successful. He seems kind of lazy about it to be honest, but maybe that isn't fair? Well it has been struggling for a very long time. Last year he had his truck repossessed and off and on we would let him borrow one of our cars. Luckily over the summer he was able to pay cash for a clunker car. Well come to find out he hasn't been paying rent on his 1bed apartment and is being evicted.

DH is helping him move his stuff into storage right now and FIL plans on going to Vegas to stay with his mom tonight. But, DH keeps hinting that he wants me to open up our home to him. I am having a hard time saying yes. I feel like it wouldn't be for a short time and we only live in a 2 bedroom apartment so we are hardly over flowing with space.

liza0828 · December 2010

It sounds like he's not on the streets, you don't really have the space, and he's flaky so this would probably be a long-term situation. In your circumstance, I would probably say no. If you were in a bigger house and had more room, I might consider it, but in a 2 BR apartment? I think you will be regretting it sooner rather than later.

murfygirl · December 2010

Once you get an eviction on your record it becomes almost impossible to rent again. Not to mention he has no $ and no job yet. I just don't see how it would be short.

I guess I am just dealing with guilt feeling like I am a bad person because I wont let it happen. Mind you if he had absolutely no where to stay besides his car I would open up my couch to him, but I feel like if his mom is ok with it I would rather see him go there.

Hollywood214 · December 2010

Family..Yes!!!

ASmallWonder · December 2010

Murf...sorry for crashing your board but I have real specific experience with this. My dad got evicted from his apartment several years back because he hadn't been working and didn't have an "anything to pay the bills" attitude, kwim? My parents have been divorced since I was 6 but my mom agreed to take him in "temporarily." Needless to say, he still wasn't willing to take any crappy job in order to move out of her place.

We sat down and had a come to Jesus talk and he finally took a less than desirable job and was able to move out into a furnished room in a rooming house. He's been there for years but he doesn't seem to mind.

All this is to say that if you offer, you need to understand WHY he's being evicted. He needs to admit if it's because he was less than ambitious in his attempts to secure income. Also make him look into rooming houses in your area as a pretty immediate next step. You need to talk about all this before hand so that there aren't hurt feelings and anger when he HAS to leave because he will at some point and he needs to know it's coming. If you just say to him one day "You have to go now" he's going to be mad and defensive.

Anyway, sorry this is so long but I understand what you're going through and wanted to give you my perspective. Good luck

emiliemadison · December 2010

Based solely on what you've written about this situation: NO.

Sometimes "helping" really means "enabling". It sounds like your FIL has made poor financial decisions that have led to this outcome. I'm not saying you should "punish" him by not letting him move in, but allowing him into your house wouldnt likely truly solve the problem. The problem is that he isnt making responsible choices with his money.

So aside from the huge emotional toll it would take if he moved in, here are some other compelling reasons to say no:

1) You have a two bedroom apartment and already have three people. There isnt room and legally, most housing codes would not allow 3 adults and a child in a 2 bedroom unit.

2) To allow him to move in would require him to be added to the lease. I doubt very much that he would be approved. Going behind the landlord's back and allowing him to stay without being on the lease would be grounds for YOU to be evicted.

3) If he didnt feel obligated to pay rent to his landlord, why would he pay rent to you? With what money? For how long?

4) Are you willing to pay the increased utilities, food bills, share a bathroom with him, clean up after him?

5) What would be harder- Telling him that he can't move in with you, or telling him to move out once he's already there?

The bottom line is that your FIL is in this situation because of HIS choices, not because he lost his job unexpectedly or that he had medical bills that wiped him out. Dont let his choices make you feel guilty. He's an adult and he will manage without putting a huge burden on your family.

murfygirl · December 2010

elmoali:
Murf...sorry for crashing your board but I have real specific experience with this. My dad got evicted from his apartment several years back because he hadn't been working and didn't have an "anything to pay the bills" attitude, kwim? My parents have been divorced since I was 6 but my mom agreed to take him in "temporarily." Needless to say, he still wasn't willing to take any crappy job in order to move out of her place.
We sat down and had a come to Jesus talk and he finally took a less than desirable job and was able to move out into a furnished room in a rooming house. He's been there for years but he doesn't seem to mind.
All this is to say that if you offer, you need to understand WHY he's being evicted. He needs to admit if it's because he was less than ambitious in his attempts to secure income. Also make him look into rooming houses in your area as a pretty immediate next step. You need to talk about all this before hand so that there aren't hurt feelings and anger when he HAS to leave because he will at some point and he needs to know it's coming. If you just say to him one day "You have to go now" he's going to be mad and defensive.
Anyway, sorry this is so long but I understand what you're going through and wanted to give you my perspective. Good luck

I completely feel you on this. I just think him staying with his mom is a better option since A) Nevada is cheaper so getting on his feet there might be easier and she has a spare room something we currently do not have.

ZTAsunshine · December 2010

It depends on the family member. My older brother yes, my younger one H no. Older brother is responsible and reliable. Younger one pawned my tv in college while he was visiting me. Hence the H no.

MexiCali · December 2010

A few months ago my mother needed a place to stay. Why is a long reason that ended with her without a place. I was a little hesitant at first for the same reasons. We live in a 2 bedroom, we didn't know the length and our privacy would be limited. Then I realized I was talking about my MOM. The women who raised me and made sure i had everything i needed for 18 years. After I explained that to DH with the added i hope your parents never need our help, he was also in. Yeah it would suck for a while and I'm glad she founded, but in the end my home will always be open. What if the tables were turned and it was your parents?

Que*Syrah · December 2010

Yes and ditto to what MexiCali said. In my family we always help each other out because in the end if your family is not there for you then who can you count on?

Want a personalized experience?

WWYD

Re: WWYD

Choose Another Board

Search Boards