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stever · December 2010

I just made a rare venture to Pregnant After 35. I had to respond to a post about opting out of testing because, "I would never terminate."

That freakin' phrase and line of thinking drives me absolutely bonkers. 2 years on TB and I've seen it hundreds of times. Maybe the girls that make those postings don't mean them to sound incredibly self-righteous, but they are the height of "I'm not one to judge, but I'm going to do it anyway"ness.

And, I'm sorry, but if you're our age and don't want to be prepared for even the slightest possibility of having a LO with special needs then you need you're head examined.

::Crouches down in flame-retardant foxhole::

mtnrider · December 2010

stever:

I just made a rare venture to Pregnant After 35. I had to respond to a post about opting out of testing because, "I would never terminate."

That freakin' phrase and line of thinking drives me absolutely bonkers. 2 years on TB and I've seen it hundreds of times. Maybe the girls that make those postings don't mean them to sound incredibly self-righteous, but they are the height of "I'm not one to judge, but I'm going to do it anyway"ness.

And, I'm sorry, but if you're our age and don't want to be prepared for even the slightest possibility of having a LO with special needs then you need you're head examined.

::Crouches down in flame-retardant foxhole::

Agreed. It's funny but of all my IRL friends who had babies in their late 30s/early 40s, only 2 of us had an amniocentesis (or any kind of genetic testing!) That's just burying your head in the sand.

stever · December 2010

I didn't have an amnio, but I would have had the NT scan raised any alarms.

Peppernut · December 2010

It just seems like good sense to be prepared for any possible medical issues that may come up during the birth, or know if you need to be at a hospital with a really good NICU. I do understand not wanting the risk of something going wrong with the CVS or amnio, but that's no way the same reasoning as "I would never terminate."

I may have to go peek, see if I need to say a little somethin' somethin.

iluvtom · December 2010

I had an amnio and to be very honest pending the outcome I was not sure what I would have done. I was thrilled to learn I had a healthy baby girl but the 9 day wait was killer. I personally feel modern medicine allows us to be prepared for what life may offer us and then we have a choice to decide. I am never one to udge anyone to chose to do what they feel is best for them. It is an ongoing debate on many boards and thankfully I have not had to make a hard decision.

robynlesley · December 2010

I didn't have a CVS or Amnio because I wasn't willing to take the risk. I would have had an amnio had my NT Scan results been less than 1:300, however (it was 1:2000+ for all trisomys).

I think regardless if one would terminate or not, having a diagnostic test once a NT Scan is "negative" is a good idea. If one plans to raise a special needs child, one should know what's in store (ie. possible delivery issues, heart problems with DS children). Pepper said it very well.

stever · December 2010

robynlesley:
I didn't have a CVS or Amnio because I wasn't willing to take the risk. I would have had an amnio had my NT Scan results been less than 1:300, however (it was 1:2000+ for all trisomys).
I think regardless if one would terminate or not, having a diagnostic test once a NT Scan is "negative" is a good idea. If one plans to raise a special needs child, one should know what's in store (ie. possible delivery issues, heart problems with DS children). Pepper said it very well.

Exactly. I just can't imagine not being prepared.

stever · December 2010

Oh, and the girl that really bugged me wasn't even the OP who said, "why would I get a NT/amnio/CVS," it was a subsequent poster who said she WOULD terminate if the results indicated a problem and that she saw no reason to test if one wasn't going to do that. WTF?

NewMrs07 · December 2010

I didn't have a CVS or amnio either, also b/c of the risk of m/c. But I would have if my NT scan results had been bad. I don't know what I would do if an amnio revealed an abnormality, I just don't know and I hope I never have to make that decision. Part of me thinks I would never terminate but I would really have to be in that situation to know for sure. My cousin had two boys and twice she skipped the amnio b/c "she wouldn't terminate anyway". I don't judge her though, I think she just didn't want to take the risk either.

indianasunshine · December 2010

I love responding to those posts. I can stop those threads dead in their tracks! : )

stever · December 2010

indianasunshine:
I love responding to those posts. I can stop those threads dead in their tracks! : )

Yay! I was hoping you'd post about this, Indie!

ateytelb · December 2010

I had amnio done with Jason and CVS with Erin, even though my 1st tri screening results were excellent in both cases. We went ofr CVS this time because amnio is done at 16 weeks or later, and by then you can already feel them move. I would have a problem terminating at that point.

indianasunshine · December 2010

I just read that thread and wish I had not. : (

I wish some of those ladies would read Kelle Hampton's blog, specifically the Nella birth story. It gave me a real sense of how I might have felt had I not known about M''s Ds beforehand. Obviously we were not planning to terminate, but I am so glad we were prepared.

Thanks, Stever and Pepper (and Charbart, if you happen to read this) for being the voice of reason!!!

robynlesley · December 2010

Indy, Before I "knew" you from this board?and I'm glad I do?I followed your TTC journey and your blog and thought that your posts after learning of Miller's DS were very moving. I think it takes a brave and special person to knowingly raise a child with special needs. I think Miller is lucky to have you, and I know you feel lucky to have him.

I don't think I'd have made the same choice as you. I probably would have terminated. And if I ever get pregnant again (and I'm not planning to, but I know sometimes life doesn't go as planned), I'd probably have a CVS.

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