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advice about my sepson!

bttrflyprnc7bttrflyprnc7 member
in School-Aged Children
I am asking for advice about my stepson, he is 8 and doesn't live with us. we have him evenings on tues and thursday after schoold and every other weekend he sleep here on saturday night . my husband and I feel that he has ADHD or something is not right with his memory. We have talked about this with his mom and she will say he has trouble with memory too at home, and this year at school he is getting into trouble more often and having alot of trouble with remembering. He also lies a lot. I read the post down further about this disorder and how to go about checking it out with his pedi, or go to local therapist. is it ok for dad to take him if the mom has the medical coverage for him and do we have to tell mom or could we go and find out first and then tell mom what we did?
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Re: advice about my sepson!

  • sweetie0228sweetie0228 member

    What's your Court Order like?  What kind of Custody does the father have?  and what kind of terms are you on w/ the mother?

    there is a blended families board here too and it deals w/ exactly these kinds of scenarios.

     If the father has a standard 50/50 legal custody and the mom has physical/residential custody, he should be able to take him to the doctor and get things started.  BUT he should have a real sit down w/ the mother and they should come to a decision together about this.

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  • howleyshellhowleyshell member

    imagebttrflyprnc7:
    is it ok for dad to take him if the mom has the medical coverage for him and do we have to tell mom or could we go and find out first and then tell mom what we did?

    If he's on Mom's insurance then it would be wise to have his insurance card with you for the visit.

    I'm a step-mom and frankly can't imagine making that kind of appointment without having fully discussed it and come to agreement with bio-Mom.

    I wouldn't blink at being the one to physically take him if it was more convenient for everyone scheduling-wise but this is something Bio-Mom needs to be involved with if at all possible.

    And... this is coming from someone who's got full legal custody (even though we share physical custody 50/50) so we're not obligated by law to consult with her on anything at all.  It's just a matter of what's in the child's best interest and that means having all parents on board and supportive.

    You're gonna be in an ugly mess if you take him, get him diagnosed and then get push back from Bio-Mom when it comes time to follow thru with what ever treatment might be recommended for him.

    Is there a reason you want to do this without her?

    Are you concerned she won't want him to be evaluated or helped?

     

     

     

    Our IF journey: 1 m/c, 1 IVF with only 3 eggs retrieved yielding Dylan and a lost twin, 1 shocker unmedicated BFP resulting in Jace, 3 more unmedicated pregnancies ending in more losses.
    Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
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  • bttrflyprnc7bttrflyprnc7 member
    yeah we have been talking to her about our thoughts and what we are noticing with him to his bio mom and she keeps saying that she thinks he is just a normal 8 year old boy. we don't think he is normal something is going on. even last summer 09 we went to disney for a week with my parents and they notice something is very wrong. he is very very hiper and can't concentrate. he will be found talking to himself walking down disney parks and then cry when other kids his age start laughing at him. so we need to do something and do it asap.thanks for the advice. we will have to sit down with bio mom and tell her that he needs to be tested.
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  • howleyshellhowleyshell member

    imagebttrflyprnc7:
    we will have to sit down with bio mom and tell her that he needs to be tested.

    Some unsolicited advice?

    Don't TELL bio-mom anything.

    And... chances are that it will go much better if just your DH and she have a meeting (without you present)

    If DH goes to her with heart felt concerns about her son she's much more likely to get on board.

    If the 2 of you sit her down and tell her that her son's got a problem it's not likely to go over well at all.  A mother's inclination may be to be defensive.  It's a much better approach for DH to tell her that he's really concerned about their son, truly wants him to be happy and wants some testing and advice to be sure you're all doing everything you can to help him succeed both academically and socially.

    It's hard for a Mom to argue with something like that but if you slap a label on him and start talking about specialists she's much more likely to freak and shut down.

     

     

    Our IF journey: 1 m/c, 1 IVF with only 3 eggs retrieved yielding Dylan and a lost twin, 1 shocker unmedicated BFP resulting in Jace, 3 more unmedicated pregnancies ending in more losses.
    Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
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