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Babies: 0 - 3 Months
FFers How Did You Get Over Guilt?
Seriously considering stopping EPing. But have tremendous guilt. Have been breastfeeding/pumping for 8 weeks so far, so feel I have given my DS a good dose of breast milk to help with his immune system. But I know that the AAP recommends 1 year. I am just worried that EPing is going to send me into depression. Any tips on how to get over the guilt - if you had it?
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Re: FFers How Did You Get Over Guilt?
I had to stop Bf'ing because my supply sucked and the stress of worrying if she was getting enough was making me a crazy person.
It bothered me for a long time that my body wasn't up to par with what I wanted for my child. Eventually the guilt just went away as I saw her growing and being happy regardless. I still wish it had worked out though.
If BF'ing is serioulsy making you unhappy, I understand. But if you think you have it in you to keep going, you should! I wish every day I had just went a little longer.
1) Lots of people are FF and turn out just fine.
2) Your sanity is important too.
3) LO needs things besides food, including mommy's time. Interaction = Learning.
Due to some serious complications during labor and delivery, DS and I had a really rough first two weeks. Because of all this I never got to breast feed but maybe 2 times? And pumping just didn't work. I have never felt so guilty my entire life. I still feel guilty every now and then but it gets better day by day. Talking to some bumpies really helped. And there was a website (I forget the name) that helped as well. I'll try to find it and PM it to you.
You have to do what is best for yourself and the baby. If EP makes you depressed and you can't care for LO, then it is not worth it.
i didnt have guilt because i chose to FF from birth. trust me though - lots of people tried to make me feel guilty.
though i've never breastfed i will tell you this - the most important thing is that your LO is getting fed and gaining weight properly. things happen. if you feel you cannot continue to breastfeed do not feel guilty. i know its probably easier said than done. but you just need to take care of LO the best way you can and do what is best for LO and for YOU as well.
the choice is yours - but do not feel guilty. as long as you are caring for your LO you are doing your job. and do not let others make you feel guilty either.
This is probably flame-worthy, but whatever...
I don't have any guilt. Never have. I never tried to BF. Never wanted to. I have two happy and healthy children. Have they had their fair share of colds? Yes. But, they also go to daycare. There's no telling what they would/wouldn't have gotten if I had BF or if I was a SAHM.
Talk to your OB about the depression. Honestly, mom's health matters a lot. If you're depressed, it doesn't matter if you're feeding your baby the elixer of life itself, it's no good for anyone.
Good luck!
Alec and I got off on the wrong foot to BFing....for the first 5 or 6 weeks. He was born so small, they immediately gave him formula when he didn't latch at the hospital, I didn't get the help that I was asking for, or needed at that point. I sabotaged my supply even further when I didn't realize that I to do a few things that first week, and hence my prolactin receptors got screwed up.
I asked for help when I was 6 weeks in, pumping 2.5 ounces TOTAL, PER DAY, and Alec was barely latching. It was a now or never ordeal for me, and had I not found a LC who was willing to help me (the LC from the hospital refused to even see me, and basically told me I was stuck with a low supply), and I decided it was worth every smidgen of energy I had extra to do this. It was THAT important to me.
Alec is 10 weeks old now, and I'm proud of myself. I'm proud of my ability to stick with it, fight for it. I went from not being able to BF due to latching problems, and just pumping a mere 2.5 ounces total a day, to about 10 ounces give or take total per day (over and beyond what Alec removes while nursing); and Alec finally latched perfectly, and is getting better at nursing - as am I. Every day gets better.And I've built a small freezer stash.
OP, if it's something that is that important to you, you will figure out how to keep your sanity. If it's not important to you, then put the pump away, and FF. Judgment will not come from me - as I was on the brink of doing it. I figured out how to try nursing, pumping and maintain sanity.
One thing that helped me was keeping the pump in the living room. This way, I am sitting with DH, or by the tellie or whatever while I pump. I cover myself if I have to pump and a girlfriend of MIL are over...anyone else, and i'll take it into the bedroom.
I have never felt guilty either. I never even considered breastfeeding. The only feeling I feel in regards to FF is annoyance when I feel like I have to explain myself to overzealous breastfeeders.
There are lots of factors that make a happy, healthy child.
Brady Phoenix, 8.29.09
Claire Zoe, 10.26.10
Sometimes I still feel guilty about stopping EPing for DS1. In the long run though I was much happier and could enjoy my baby once I stopped pumping. Everytime one of those "breast is best" conversations come up I still get offended. For a long time, anything breastfeeding related would get my hackles up.
But again, when I stopped pumping I could FINALLY enjoy my baby.
Brady Phoenix, 8.29.09
Claire Zoe, 10.26.10
About the people who like to say breast is best. I personally can't stand people who say that. Even though the BF thing was extremely important to me, why do people have to put in their bloody twopence and rub their blasted noses where they don't belong!? I was at my niece's birthday party the other day, and one of BIL's friends, whom I've met maybe twice in my entire life, just nonchalantly asks me if I am BFing. I actually looked at her straight in the eye, and said "I don't believe that's any of your business", and walked away. Bwahaha.
MIL will say breast is best until she's blue in the face. I really want to ask her if she thinks I'm a horrible parent because I supplement with formula.
I just keep reminding myself that we're both happier this way. I was super stressed out and a stressed out mommy does not make for a happy baby. It also wouldn't be as easy to give her her medicine or add cereal to her bottles for her reflux. Her pedi also told me that I gave her the most important part already.
I still have guilt, but I think it's better this way. Just weigh the pros and cons. Is the breastmilk really THAT good that it's worth being depressed and possibly affecting your ability to be a better mom?
I am this way too. I've never felt guilty about my decision to FF because I know I made the best decision for my family.
Good luck making your decision!
I just stopped about a week ago, and I can definitely identify with guilt. I stopped because BFing was seriously stressing me out. I felt like my every thought and action was consumed with it, from getting dressed, timing outings, worrying whether she was getting enough, gaining enough weight, worrying about my nutrition, etc., etc. This may sound cheesy, but a wise woman I know is always asking me, "What do you really want for yourself?" In regards to BFing, my answer was always, "I want to do what is best for my daughter." In my case, what was best for my daughter was a happier mama who is able to truly focus on HER, and not my boobies. The same lady also tells me, "You can only do what you can." Just know that whether you decide to keep EPing or not, you'll still do all you can to give your baby the best. GL!
I third this. I had no desire to even attempt to BF and never felt guilty. Everyone has been really nice about it (which was surprising) except one boob nazi who said I wouldn't bond with my baby. I am so happy that DH can help with feedings. Good luck!
I don't FF but I thought I'd throw in my two cents.
FF is a valid feeding choice and of course, feeding your baby is the most important thing and if it keeps you sane then your child will thank you for it in the long run.
However, I am just wondering what it is about BF that makes you think you will be depressed if you continue? Does your baby not latch right? Low weight gain? Too time consuming? Are you not confident in your supply?
I think the best way to avoid guilt is to be proactive and make sure you are definately making the best choice for you and your baby. If your feeling guilty about quitting maybe you should give BF or EP one last shot. Hire an LC help you with any problem and boost your confidence or go to a La Leche Meeting or something like that.
If after you address your specific problems and you still feel the same way, then definately do what is best for your sanity. Remember that once you quit BF you can't go back. But if you feel like you did everything you could and it still doesn't work for you then at least you will know you did everything you could and you won't feel guilty.
This.
Ditto.
One other thing that might alleviate some of the stress of pumping... how does LO's dad feel about BFing? I know my DH wants DS breastfed badly enough to make it a team effort... meaning he washes my pump parts, takes care of the stash, brings me dinner/holds DS while I pump, picks up the slack on chores, etc. Talk with your partner... if he wants LO to be breastfed, maybe he can do more to help. Or if he doesn't feel strongly about it, he might be able to lessen the guilt you feel about FF.
One of the best LCs I saw in the hospital when I had DD told me repeatedly "Enjoy the baby. Feed the baby." When it comes right down to it, that's most important, that LO is gaining weight, is growing and is healthy and happy. In order for that to happen, mama has to be happy too. I mostly FF and pump just about a bottle a day, but that amount is dropping right now. Yes it makes me sad and I'm doing what I can to bring my supply back, but my daughter is healthy and happy and I am loving being her mother. Good luck!
With my first I did feel guilty. It was tough because it was something I wanted, but unfortunately, I never had any milk come in. The guilt did ease as he got older because I could see that he was healthy, happy and thriving. The further I got away from the decision to give it up, the easier it was. As each week passed, it was clear that I had nothing to feel guilty about - he was thriving, gaining weight, happy, healthy, etc. I learned that in the grand scheme of things that I will do as a parent, how I fed him the first year of his life is pretty unimportant.
With my second, I had no guilt. I knew that regardless of how I fed her, she'd be happy, I'd be happy - we'd all thrive because what was important was feeding her - not what I was feeding her or how.
I just think it's something that will come in time if you have some guilt now - good luck, whatever you decide!
I have zero guilt left because I know I exhausted all my options. I gave it an earnest attempt from the beginning, going from EBFing for the first 4 weeks to pumping to quitting entirely by 8 weeks. I dealt with daily clogs, recurrent mastitis and thrush. After consulting with an LC and reading "The Womanly Art of BFing" I tried every single thing possible to deal with these issues. I massaged my breasts with every feeding/pumping/shower. I took lecithin supplements. With the advice of an old friend I held a massager to my armpit to get the flow going. I fed the baby in a plank position so that gravity would allow my milk to flow freely. I didn't wear a bra ever in those first weeks to prevent constriction of the milk sinuses. After all these struggles, I partially attribute my "failure" at BFing to getting hit with some heavy duty PPD.
So anyone who wants to tell me that I should feel residual guilt for "quitting" needs to suck it. No sh!t, BFing is great...but it was NEVER worth the stress I had to deal with instead of focusing on bonding with my child.
I can totally relate. I said this on the BF-ing board yesterday, and I'll repeat the gist of it.
I supplement with formula, and I felt guilty about it for awhile. I cried every time DD would not latch, would scream at my breast, and I'd give her a bottle. A few weeks ago, while she was screaming at me, I just handed her to DH and walked out. I could not take it anymore.
What helped negate all the shame/guilt was making it a conscious choice. I chose to supplement. It is my choice, and, consequently, I have a happier, healthier baby because of it. And I am a happier, healthier mother, too.
My advice is to own your choice, and be proud that you're doing the best for your baby and yourself.
DD2 (b. 9/04/2013)
BFP 2/25/12, m/c @ 6w 3d || BFP 8/1/12, m.m/c @ 9w5d
I was obsessed with all natural everything thoughout my pregnancy. I ate almost all organic food, used organic shampoo that made my hair suck, didn't wear make up, etc. I bought chlorine free diapers for the first 2 weeks and then organic cloth diapers. I planned on an all natural delivery and EBF and trying to work full time. I ended up laboring naturally for 21 hours, developed an infection, and had an emergency c-section. I literally nearly died in labor and continued to try to be super mom until my son lost a full pound in the hospital and he went from the sweetest, content child to 3 days later screaming on top of his lungs non-stop. I was in the hospital for 4 days and they brought in a pump and I was pumping NOTHING. I decided to supplement him and he was so happy when he finally felt full. He went from a screaming mess to a happy, little angel. My milk did not come in until 7 days after I delivered. I started to try and breast feed and every time I did he would vomit and start scratching his face about 30 minutes later. This went on for 48 hours and I switched him back to formula. Return, happy baby. He also broke out in a reaction from my chlorine free diapers to LOL and I had to switch to regular. My guilt was alleviated when I talked to my mom. She fed me BM for a full year, one of my brothers for 6 months, and the other for 8 weeks. Guess who is the healthiest? My brother who is FF at 8 weeks. I continue to struggle with being sick way more than the average adult, have allergies, and severe asthma. While breast milk is best, a lot of it I am convinced is genetic. I felt horrible about it for about 2 weeks, but my son is doing beautifully. He is a little chunker, is way ahead on his milestones, and I couldn't ask for a happier, content LO. I realized I don't have control over everything and some times doing what is best for your family is going down a road you didn't plan to take. Being the best mom you can be for you LO is more important than anything. Keep you head up and know that doing what is best for you is often what is best for your baby.