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What are/were your reasons...
For having one vs. two (or more) kids...
I am really struggling right now over whether to just be done with one or go for another, and my reasoning is really quite selfish (with a little bit of practical in there).
On the one hand I see how much easier it is to go and do things with one, we can travel like we do and he just comes along, and he's pretty versitile that way too (always been a good road trip baby). It's cheaper with just one, and he's so darn good, and happy that if we have another one, I know we're in for a rude awakening 
. I've worked my arse off to get back into pre-baby shape, why ruin a good thing (I guess this is a bigger issue to me then it probably should be).
Then on the other hand DH has lost both of his grandparents recently I see how his dad and siblings have been handling it and I think about making DS do that all by himself and think how much he'll probably hate us for only having him to deal with everything.
I really, really, really don't like being pregnant and right now that's my big thing...I have no reason to not like being pregnant, I had a very uneventful pregnancy the first time so there was nothing to ruin view of what it should be.
I don't know, I am just rambling...then I had a dream last night and in it my SIL found out she was pregnant with her second and she asked me if it made me want to have another, to which I wholeheartedly replied " NOPE do you know how expensive kids are, not going there again"...so maybe that was my subconscious telling me what I need to know.
What were your reasons for only having one vs. more.
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Re: What are/were your reasons...
I did not enjoy being pregnant either. We have gone back and forth about having a 2nd one. If we do, we don't want to wait long based on our age (I will be 37 later this month and DH is 45.)
We will most likely have a 2nd one based on both of us having several siblings. I couldn't imagine not having my brothers/sister in my life. Our family gatherings are so much fun!
I originally only wanted 2, and now I am thinking I might want 3. I like the idea of 2 because then they always have a buddy. Also, both my husband and myself each had 1 other sibling, so it's all we've ever known. Even though I wasn't very close with my brother growing up because of our age difference, we have grown a little closer now, and I would love to have our kids be the same way. Originally, I only wanted to have 2 because I didn't want to be out numbered with 3. Our baby has been so easy going, that if #2 will be like #1, we probably will have a third.
I like you had a love/hate relationship with being pregnant. My pregnancy was very easy. However, I blew up and gained about 50 lbs and had back pain, but never any sickness. Everyone told me what a cute pregnant lady I was, but I just felt like a blob...but I do missing feeling the baby kick in my stomach.
I guess I don't have a good reason why we want to have 2 (or 3)...it's just something, I feel we want to do. Also, most kids that I knew growing up that didn't have any siblings where very snobby and stuck up!
my read shelf:
I am really happy with just having Aiden but then I think about how much having brothers helped me growing up (and to this day) that I think we will try for 1 more BUT not for another 2-3 years. It really is the whole cost thing that scares me
I think that where i really struggle with the decision is that I feel like its the "right" thing to do...give him a sibling...but is it REALLY right if it puts a burden on our finances and ability to provide for our Son the way we want to into the future. And is it "right" if he's like my DH and I and doesn't get along with his sibling at all.
Realistically we have time, I just turned 30 so I've got time if we want to put some distance between DS and a sibling...It just goes back to my mental place of not wanting to gain weight and lose it again...I just got back into my really skinny jeans!!
I'm pregnant with my second...it's been 9 years. Aside from the fact that #1 was unplanned and I was only 19, I always thought about maybe having more...but not until the time was right. Well the time is right...I guess (lol) cause #2 is on it's way.
While DD has been getting older I have felt a lot of guilt not giving her a little playmate. Watching her play by herself has often been a a place of pride and great guilt. What a sweet girl I have but I often wished that she had someone else to go to for entertainment, cause as cool as I think I am...to a 5, 6, 7, 8 year old...my dance moves and choice in music just don't cut it!
I'm happy to be having number 2. Gives both DD and I something to loko forward to and adds a whole new dynamic to our home life. No doubt that we will be entertained moving forward
Janell, you are not selfish in your thinking. Not having kids, or having them and how many is completely a personal choice and should be respected.
I have two and they were both unplanned. One with someone at a bad time when the relationship was already ending and one with someone I'd already been engaged to. I have many pros and cons for if we're having more...
The Yays:
- When I had the last baby, I didn't say or know it was my last one. So I don't have closure in that I'm done and ok with that.
- I always pictured myself having three. (I had wanted to start when I was about 30 instead of 20, but who's counting).
- I hated being pregnant (as listed below), but my parents adopted and I was always open to that. We've talked about adopting one more and him/her being our last.
- I miss having that teeny new baby in my arms. I realize they grow but I think if I had one more I could be ok with it being the last time I do that.
- We can't use money as an excuse not to anymore. DH got a job in his field now and we can afford it, whereas we couldn't even think about it until that happened.
- I have room in my heart to love one more!
The Nays:
- In 16 years, my youngest will be an adult and DH and I can travel and have the time for us we never got when we were engaged/newly married.
- I hated being pregnant.
- Two is chaotic, so I have trouble imaging three to be a picnic.
- We don't have room for another child. We already know we want to move in the next 18-24 months, but if we made the decision to have another, it would have to be soon and I'm not ready right now.
- I travel a lot now, whether it's for my job or to see my family a half of a world away, so to bring one more person to watch over into our lives would just add so much more responsibility and way less flexibility.
I'm sure there are more things to add here, but those are my reasons. I guess I won't know if we're going for it or not for another year or so. Lots to think about!
I will respond to your weight thing since we were both in the same boat: having lost weight, then getting pregnant, etc. You have lost yours, I'm still working on mine...have about 10lbs to go and getting to the gym when I can, but it's difficult!
I know how incredibly hard it is to lose weight and stick with it. It's a big accomplishment. And it's scary as hell to consider putting on ANY weight. Like you, I also didn't love being pregnant. I didn't hate it as much as I thought I would, but I didn't love it either. I know you were really over it esp. into your 3rd tri.
I definitely want more kids. With the weight thing, I just tell myself I've done it before, I can do it again, and I changed my lifestyle to be healthy and that didn't change while being pregnant either. I think it's probably tougher to remain active during a second pregnancy so maybe that's just a goal to strive for? If you and your DH do decide to have a second, then his role is to take on extra duties with your son so that you can remain active? That's my biggest fear with a second pregnancy, is not staying active because I know how much it's helping on the other side. I think overcoming that hurdle is a big part of the second time weight gain thing.
Other reasons are similar to what others mentioned above. I could not imagine my life without my siblings and I want my daughter to have at least one sibling (we're in the 2-3 boat).
But in the end, people have to do what's best for their family. I know you're not a pushover in that dept. but it never hurts to hear do what works for you.
BFP #2, 12/12/11, m/c 12/25/11
BFP #3, 3/09/12, CP 3/10/12
BFP #4, 7/22/12, DD#2 born 4/2013
For me, this was not a hard decision. But, it's because I pulled from my own experiences.
I never KNEW that I wanted kids. I was never sure, until I ended up pregnant with Olivia. Once I got pregnent, it was guaranteed that I would have more than one. I am an only child, and many of my reasons for having more than one draw from that. For some reason, 3 sounds perfect to me...but the transition to 2 has been harder than I expected, and Amelia has been a much more difficult baby, so that's up in the air right now.
This is why I chose to have more than 1:
- I was very lonely growing up. My parents were divorced when I was a baby, so it was just me and my mom. My mom was a very angry, bitter person while I was growing up, and we were not close in the least bit. I felt very alone, and I think I would have felt that way even if we had a better relationship.
- Because of this, I've always put WAY too much value into my friendships, and I've been hurt a lot because of it. I've clung to friends to feel that "closeness" I missed by not having siblings. I was walked all over, and had my heart crushed by friends coming and going - even though this is a pretty natural thing to happen through your school years.
- The passing of your parents is horrible in itself, but the thought that I alone will have to deal with everything...the greif, the funeral, the estates, etc., scares me. I just wish that I would have somebody to help me through those situations (when they arise of course).
- I want my kids to have somebody they can count on. Somebody in their life, throughout their life, that they can relate to. Somebody going through similar life situations at the same time. Somebody they can bond with in the special way that siblings do.
Now, I know this is not a guarantee - siblings can down right hate each other. But, I honestly think that's very rare. And, I think it has a lot to do with the upbringing, and how the sibling relationship is harnassed from the beginning. For instance, every night while I nurse Amelia and put her to bed, DH gets Olivia ready for bed...then brings her in to say goodnight. We've always had her give Amelia a kiss and tell her "I love you", and now she does that on her own. We're trying to encourage a close relationship between then from the start.
- Personally, I love being pregnant. I don't love the M/S, the weight, the pressure...but there is no other feeling like having that special person in your tummy, just for you. I know I'm not done, I can't not feel that again. And as far as the weight...I gained 50 with DD1, and 27 with DD2, so almost cut in half. I think most of the time you kind of learn from the first time what to do and what not to do. And every pregnancy is different.
Sure, there are also "negatives". Yes, each kid is a [large] added expense, but I think you just adjust, and learn to deal with it, just like you do the first time. Yes, it's a lot more work for somebody to watch both girls, rather than just one, so we don't get out as much now that we have 2. But, that will change. And, I think in the end it will be easier for sitters to have the girls to entertain and play with each other, rather than be so "on" the whole time they babysit. Yes, trying to balance your time with each kid can be stressful, but with time you learn how to balance everything.
Well, that was quite a novel. But, that's kind of the way I see things anyway.
I've never thought I'd want many (or maybe any) kids, so I have no plans to have any more. I like adult pursuits and I don't think that having another kid would make me happier. I love my daughter and know I would love another, but it's also been a lot of work. I miss sleeping all night and having time to myself and being alone with my SO.
In the event that my SO and I split up, I would not like to be outnumbered by my kids. I also like knowing that I should always have enough time for my daughter. Having two high-maintenance sisters meant I didn't get much attention growing up.