If you have had a pregnancy loss/miscarriage

starlingrose · December 2010

I was just lurking on the Adoption board because my friends are adopting right now and I was just curious. I noticed alot of the siggys have badges of "Forever Missed, _________ days since our Angel grew wings".

This makes my heart ache everytime I see it and my heart goes out to those moms. My point of this post is that, I have had two losses. I have been on the bump for a long time and was on when I had my first loss. I never put up one of those badges or loss/tickers. I am sorta feeling like a huge jerk now. Are there others out there who have had a loss and havnt put badges up? Its not that I dont miss that child or dont ache for them. I just think it would hurt to see that everytime I posted.

Im really feeling like a jerk now though. Anyone else not put one up?

sgrl · December 2010

I used to have a line in my siggy, but I took it out.

I don't think I should feel like a jerk. I don't think you should either. I remember my lost baby every day in my own ways, and I'm sure you do too.

(HUGS) so sorry for your losses. The miscarriage club is not a fun one. Sad

Brittani10/28 · December 2010

I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy. I never put anything in my siggy. You're not a jerk! But I am SO anxious for my first appt next week.... I can't seem to relax about this pregnancy until I see a good heartbeat Zip it!

Manderlin923 · December 2010

I have a line in my siggy but never put up a badge/picture or whatever.

I don't think you should feel bad about it- we all deal with loss in our own way and there's no right or wrong way to handle things, imo.

I will say though, and I'm sure many of you can understand, I am terrified of another m/c (am pregnant again) and just keep picturing my appointment next Friday and my MW not being able to find a hb. I am actually preparing myself emotionally because I feel like I expect something to go wrong. I know that's awful but I am so scared, probably even more now that I have had such a healthy, wonderful child

starlingrose · December 2010

sgrl:

I used to have a line in my siggy, but I took it out.

I don't think I should feel like a jerk. I don't think you should either. I remember my lost baby every day in my own ways, and I'm sure you do too.

(HUGS) so sorry for your losses. The miscarriage club is not a fun one.

Thank you. You too.

saraprice · December 2010

I used to have one up, but took it down awhile ago. H and I still think about our lost baby, esp. around when it was supposed to be born (oct. 30th 2006).

I don't think it makes you or anyone a jerk for not having it up. People honor their lost love one(s) differently. H and I have a song that we play for our daughters for our lost baby, others put up tickers, people have their own way of remembering. Sorry you had to deal with the losses as PP said, it is a sucky club to belong to.

MikesFavoriteWife · December 2010

I haven't put one up either because I also feel it would be hard to look at. It isn't something I Iike to talk about. To this day it is still hard.

I'm sorry for your loss. Please don't feel like a jerk! Believe me you aren't.

Manderlin923 · December 2010

And, just wanted to add, oddly enough I'm due on July 4th- the same day I lost my first baby. It's weird and I didn't even really connect the two until this morning....I'm glad though that I can have some joy on or around that holiday this year instead of feeling a leftover sadness from a couple years ago...

starlingrose · December 2010

Manderlin923:

I have a line in my siggy but never put up a badge/picture or whatever.

I don't think you should feel bad about it- we all deal with loss in our own way and there's no right or wrong way to handle things, imo.

I will say though, and I'm sure many of you can understand, I am terrified of another m/c (am pregnant again) and just keep picturing my appointment next Friday and my MW not being able to find a hb. I am actually preparing myself emotionally because I feel like I expect something to go wrong. I know that's awful but I am so scared, probably even more now that I have had such a healthy, wonderful child

Ugh I know its so tough. GL I really hope you and pp who is 8weeks both see a h/b soon.

Lucky428 · December 2010

I had badges, tickers, things like that. I had a mention of my losses in my siggy... I feel now with Jack, I can finally move forward. I got my miracle, my take home baby. I still think about my angels often, but I am lucky enough to be able to focus on Jack and my future as his mother, not the pain of my past.

ETA: It does not make you a jerk. Big hugs.

hisaak · December 2010

First off, I am so sorry for your losses. You should never feel bad about it - everybody grieves the loss in different ways. For some, that public badge is important, for others, it isn't the way they need to work through the loss. There is no right or wrong way to deal with it.

Manderlin923 · December 2010

saraprice:

I used to have one up, but took it down awhile ago. H and I still think about our lost baby, esp. around when it was supposed to be born (oct. 30th 2006).

I don't think it makes you or anyone a jerk for not having it up. People honor their lost love one(s) differently. H and I have a song that we play for our daughters for our lost baby, others put up tickers, people have their own way of remembering. Sorry you had to deal with the losses as PP said, it is a sucky club to belong to.

That's sweet you have a song. We planted a hydrangea for our baby.

So sorry that eveyone has had to deal with this- the odd thing is I never knew so many people irl who had miscarriages until mine. It's a hard thing to talk about

saraprice · December 2010

Manderlin923:
saraprice:

I used to have one up, but took it down awhile ago. H and I still think about our lost baby, esp. around when it was supposed to be born (oct. 30th 2006).

I don't think it makes you or anyone a jerk for not having it up. People honor their lost love one(s) differently. H and I have a song that we play for our daughters for our lost baby, others put up tickers, people have their own way of remembering. Sorry you had to deal with the losses as PP said, it is a sucky club to belong to.

That's sweet you have a song. We planted a hydrangea for our baby.

So sorry that eveyone has had to deal with this- the odd thing is I never knew so many people irl who had miscarriages until mine. It's a hard thing to talk about

It is the best song, not very well known, but oh so sweet:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eos7FbtuTbo, always brings tears to my eyes, H felt like the baby was a boy.

I have unfortunately known a lot of people IRL who have had miscarriages, they suck.

Brittani10/28 · December 2010

Manderlin923:

I have a line in my siggy but never put up a badge/picture or whatever.

I don't think you should feel bad about it- we all deal with loss in our own way and there's no right or wrong way to handle things, imo.

I will say though, and I'm sure many of you can understand, I am terrified of another m/c (am pregnant again) and just keep picturing my appointment next Friday and my MW not being able to find a hb. I am actually preparing myself emotionally because I feel like I expect something to go wrong. I know that's awful but I am so scared, probably even more now that I have had such a healthy, wonderful child

I could have written this!!!

saraprice · December 2010

Manderlin923:

I have a line in my siggy but never put up a badge/picture or whatever.

I don't think you should feel bad about it- we all deal with loss in our own way and there's no right or wrong way to handle things, imo.

I will say though, and I'm sure many of you can understand, I am terrified of another m/c (am pregnant again) and just keep picturing my appointment next Friday and my MW not being able to find a hb. I am actually preparing myself emotionally because I feel like I expect something to go wrong. I know that's awful but I am so scared, probably even more now that I have had such a healthy, wonderful child

It'll all work out, we were terrified of that with Kate, and she is a vibrant beautiful little toddler. But it is definitely understandable to be nervous, GL to you and pp on getting your beautiful heartbeat.

Manderlin923 · December 2010

saraprice:
Manderlin923:
saraprice:

I used to have one up, but took it down awhile ago. H and I still think about our lost baby, esp. around when it was supposed to be born (oct. 30th 2006).

I don't think it makes you or anyone a jerk for not having it up. People honor their lost love one(s) differently. H and I have a song that we play for our daughters for our lost baby, others put up tickers, people have their own way of remembering. Sorry you had to deal with the losses as PP said, it is a sucky club to belong to.

That's sweet you have a song. We planted a hydrangea for our baby.

So sorry that eveyone has had to deal with this- the odd thing is I never knew so many people irl who had miscarriages until mine. It's a hard thing to talk about

It is the best song, not very well known, but oh so sweet:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eos7FbtuTbo, always brings tears to my eyes, H felt like the baby was a boy.

I have unfortunately known a lot of people IRL who have had miscarriages, they suck.

I can't listen right now b/c DH is just asleep beside me but I will take a look tomorrow

The crappy part about being pregnant and being scared of m/c is my FIL (as much as I care for him and he really is a great guy, just not very sensitive) saying to me, "Well, hopefully you don't have a miscarriage." about 5 times so far. Thanks? I'd rather not think about it anymore than I already am.

Manderlin923 · December 2010

saraprice:
Manderlin923:

I have a line in my siggy but never put up a badge/picture or whatever.

I don't think you should feel bad about it- we all deal with loss in our own way and there's no right or wrong way to handle things, imo.

I will say though, and I'm sure many of you can understand, I am terrified of another m/c (am pregnant again) and just keep picturing my appointment next Friday and my MW not being able to find a hb. I am actually preparing myself emotionally because I feel like I expect something to go wrong. I know that's awful but I am so scared, probably even more now that I have had such a healthy, wonderful child

It'll all work out, we were terrified of that with Kate, and she is a vibrant beautiful little toddler. But it is definitely understandable to be nervous, GL to you and pp on getting your beautiful heartbeat.

Thank you. Hope we both get to hear a strong hb!

saraprice · December 2010

Manderlin923:
saraprice:
Manderlin923:
saraprice:

I used to have one up, but took it down awhile ago. H and I still think about our lost baby, esp. around when it was supposed to be born (oct. 30th 2006).

I don't think it makes you or anyone a jerk for not having it up. People honor their lost love one(s) differently. H and I have a song that we play for our daughters for our lost baby, others put up tickers, people have their own way of remembering. Sorry you had to deal with the losses as PP said, it is a sucky club to belong to.

That's sweet you have a song. We planted a hydrangea for our baby.

So sorry that eveyone has had to deal with this- the odd thing is I never knew so many people irl who had miscarriages until mine. It's a hard thing to talk about

It is the best song, not very well known, but oh so sweet:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eos7FbtuTbo, always brings tears to my eyes, H felt like the baby was a boy.

I have unfortunately known a lot of people IRL who have had miscarriages, they suck.

I can't listen right now b/c DH is just asleep beside me but I will take a look tomorrow

The crappy part about being pregnant and being scared of m/c is my FIL (as much as I care for him and he really is a great guy, just not very sensitive) saying to me, "Well, hopefully you don't have a miscarriage." about 5 times so far. Thanks? I'd rather not think about it anymore than I already am.

I know some people like that, ignore them.

Brittani10/28 · December 2010

Manderlin923:
saraprice:
Manderlin923:

I have a line in my siggy but never put up a badge/picture or whatever.

I don't think you should feel bad about it- we all deal with loss in our own way and there's no right or wrong way to handle things, imo.

I will say though, and I'm sure many of you can understand, I am terrified of another m/c (am pregnant again) and just keep picturing my appointment next Friday and my MW not being able to find a hb. I am actually preparing myself emotionally because I feel like I expect something to go wrong. I know that's awful but I am so scared, probably even more now that I have had such a healthy, wonderful child

It'll all work out, we were terrified of that with Kate, and she is a vibrant beautiful little toddler. But it is definitely understandable to be nervous, GL to you and pp on getting your beautiful heartbeat.

Thank you. Hope we both get to hear a strong hb!

Thank you!! And GL to you too Manderlin!!

sgrl · December 2010

((hugs)) and good luck to all the pregnant mamas who are worrying - I hope everything turns out perfectly!

Brittani10/28 · December 2010

sgrl:
((hugs)) and good luck to all the pregnant mamas who are worrying - I hope everything turns out perfectly!

Thank you!!!

Manderlin923 · December 2010

sgrl:
((hugs)) and good luck to all the pregnant mamas who are worrying - I hope everything turns out perfectly!

Thank you. I will definitely update after our appointment next week.

Now, I'm off to bed- thanks for the positive thoughts ladies and hope OP feels better as well

JennRN65 · December 2010

I have had 3 m/c, 1 stillborn, and lost a son at 21 months. I never had one of those badges up nor have I ever put one of those memorial stickers on my car.

To me it is a personal thing, shared only when I feel comfortable sharing it. It doesn't mean I don't hurt every day for my children. My first child was stillborn when I was 19 years old, 26 years ago. A long time ago, yes, but I still think of him every day.

Don't feel bad for not having the badges. We all deal with things differently.

nancyandnate · December 2010

I don't think I ever had a badge, but I do keep a line in my siggy and link to my blog that was current when I was going through most of my losses and having my son. There are not many of us who go through so many losses and I still am amazed DS is here, so I keep it out there for others who may be going through that now. It is ok to not have one--do what is right for you.

Sammy-Mae · December 2010

I don't want to put anything up. I just had a loss two weeks ago. I don't need a constant visual reminder. I feel it every day. I don't think it makes you a jerk or less caring. It's a horrible club to be a member of. If you don't want to advertise it it's your choice.

FerreraRocher · December 2010

I've lost 3 babies. I don't put up anymore. Don't feel like a jerk. You don't have to put up everything.

nolebride · December 2010

I've had two losses. Very early, one at 6 weeks and one at 8 weeks. I used to work in Maternal and Child health so I always knew that m/c are pretty common and I was somewhat prepared for the pregnancy to not progress. Despite having "hard knowledge" about it, I was still very broken hearted with the first one. This may sound horrible but I don't think I viewed them as "children". They were certainly "lives" but I didn't grow attached to them...if that makes sense. If I'd had a loss at later in the pregnancy I'm sure I would feel differently. I never think about their EDD or how old they would be had the pregnancy progressed. I don't feel the need to have something in my siggy to remind me of the losses. I remember them just fine. I will most certainly be anxious with my next pregnancy. M/Cs are awful regardless of how you choose to acknowledge them.

Aimlc1281 · December 2010

JennRN65:
I have had 3 m/c, 1 stillborn, and lost a son at 21 months. I never had one of those badges up nor have I ever put one of those memorial stickers on my car.

To me it is a personal thing, shared only when I feel comfortable sharing it. It doesn't mean I don't hurt every day for my children. My first child was stillborn when I was 19 years old, 26 years ago. A long time ago, yes, but I still think of him every day.

Don't feel bad for not having the badges. We all deal with things differently.

Wow, my heart aches for you. I don't know your story and I'm not sure if you've ever shared it. Do you mind if I ask what happened with your loses? If not, I understand.

.completely.amazing.love. · December 2010

JennRN65:

To me it is a personal thing, shared only when I feel comfortable sharing it. My first child was stillborn when I was 19 years old. Don't feel bad for not having the badges. We all deal with things differently.

This is me. Word for word. My daughter was stillborn when I was 31 weeks along. Do I think about it every day? Yes. But it's not something I want in my siggy so everyone feels bad everytime I post.

electricdoctor83 · December 2010

I have a small line in my siggy from my c/p in October....I guess one day I'll take it out, but I am still a little raw from it all. I think everybody deals in their own way.

I'm sorry for your losses.

MyColonyNJ · December 2010

I don't think you are a jerk for not putting it up, people grieve in many different ways, and some people are more private. It is the same thing with IF treatments - some people have it in their sigs - some not.

I had it in my sig, but then my sig was all losses. And, having 5 loss "badges" was not really something that I wanted to draw attention to.

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