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Two Under 2
LJR 84
member
If first DC was 1 when #2 was born...
LJR 84
member
in Two Under 2
How was it? DD will have just turned 1 when this LO arrives. I imagine that it's going to be absolutely crazy and that we'll need all the help we can get right after delivery.
Experiences?
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Re: If first DC was 1 when #2 was born...
DS#1 was actually 2 weeks shy of being 1 when DS#2 was born. Im not going to lie, its been chaotic but nothing that would send ya over the edge. Im still getting used to having 2 LOs so things are rough. DS#1's schedule has been all messed up - DS#2 wakes up DS#1 in the middle of the night and during nap times in the afternoon. Feedings are also a little diffcult when both of them are ready to eat at the same time. The one good thing is that DS#2 pretty much sleeps all day so i still have time to spend with DS#1.
My s/o will be going back to work this monday so ill have had help for two weeks. Im actually thinking i should be 'ok' on my own at that time. *fingers crossed*
Wow, it's still very fresh for you! I'm sure you'll be fine...but I can imagine it's very hectic at times. I'm hoping my mom will be able to stay with us for the first month to help out!
Well, there's good days and bad days. DS1 was 13 months and 2 days when DS2 was born. The first few days home were rough with DS1 not sleeping as well and such, but he's gotten better. DH was home for 2 weeks, which was amazingly helpful. The 3 weeks I've been doing this without DH have been ok. It is really tricky when they both need to eat at the same time (although this has gotten easier since I can better predict when DS2 will get hungry). And when they are both crying, I sometimes start to cry too, because in the moment I have no idea how to meet both of their needs! That's what happens on the bad days.
On the good days, they both nap at the same time in the afternoon (like right now!). DS1 is sweet to his brother, and doesn't accidently step on him or something. Fussing is kept to a minimum, and they are both in bed by 7:45. I'm starting to have more good days than bad days, that's for sure.
A few things that I've found to be helpful:
1. Get out of the house! Seriously, we would all go crazy and end up in tears if I didn't get DS1 out of the house at least every other day. The kid just needs to see different faces/things.
2. Know that LO#2 is going to end up crying more than your first LO did. Like I mentioned before, sometimes it's just impossible to meet both of their needs at once. I read to tend to the toddler first (within reason, of course), because their immediate needs tend to be taken care of faster. So far, this has worked pretty well for us.
3. Get someone to watch LO#2 occasionally so you can do something with LO#1. Once a week I take DS1 out alone, and we just do fun things like swimming at the rec center, the park, etc. It helps him to not be as clingy when we're home, and I love the time with him. I don't feel like he's missing out of his time with Mommy.
4. Have snacks/toys on hand for the toddler when your feeding LO#2. I'm not sure if you will be BF, but if you do, it's been handy to have those things ready to keep DS1 entertained while I nurse.
5. If possible, get a bedtime routine going with #2 early (if you like that sort of thing). DS1 has always had a bedtime routine, and it's wonderful for him to know when he's going to bed. We started one early with DS2 (like 2 weeks old), and so far, it seems to be working great. He does a 5-6 hour stretch of sleep, and DH and I get a minute to decompress and just talk for a second, since both are usually asleep by 7:45.
Sorry this is so long, I just wanted to let you know what has helped me so far. It is probably the hardest thing I've ever done, but incredibly rewarding when I see DS1 give DS2 a kiss without prompting! We will all survive!
My biggest tip is to make sure #1 is sleep trained and can soothe himself if needed. If #1 isn't sleeping through the night or able to put himself back to sleep if woken up - then it's going to get rough. White noise machines are key!
And yes - get as much help as you can! We have none other than a visit her or there from grandparents....so it's a bit harder for us (mentally as well as physically)
GL and enjoy!
It's HARD. But it gets so much better so quickly. Seriously, I went from completely regretting having my children so close together 2 months ago to now not regretting a single thing and being so thankful I did. Watching them together, interacting, smiling, kissing just warms my heart. They love each other so much. Makes you forget all the diapers and tantrums
ETA: My post seems really harsh, I don't mean to scare you. Here are a few tips:
-get LO#1 sleep trained as early as possible. Mia being able to put herself to sleep was SO helpful in the beginning.
-use a sound machine in #1's room, and maybe #2's. Drown out as much of the noise as possible.
-Within a month or two, I was able to get DS's LONG nap at the same time as DD's. Most days I get time to myself or to take a nap myself. It helps a LOT.
-Put #2 down. This was huge for me. I held DD ALL.THE.TIME. Don't do it with #2. If they're asleep or calm, put them down and play with #1 or do the dishes or just take a breather.
-Before #2 comes, work on your LO#1 not being so dependent on you. It killed me because all I wanted was to soak up the last time just being together with Mia, but I did everything I could to get her to play independently, feed herself, etc. It was a HUGE help because I was feeding DS all the time in the beginning.
-Don't be afraid to toss in a movie/tv show while you're feeding #2. It won't kill your first LO to watch some tv for the first month or two.
-if you have any symptoms of some PPA/PPD get help. Seriously, I couldn't have done it if I hadn't said something to my OB and gotten on antidepressants. The difference was night and day.
-come here. the ladies here have so many great suggestions, help, and support.
I agree with all of the things posted here. Also people will offer to help, say yes! Don't feel like you have to do everything yourself. If they offer to watch the baby, take your older child to the park for a date. If they offer to take DC somewhere, let them.
I remember my aunt offered to sit one day and I didn't have anything to do, but I went to Walgreens and got a magazine and sat in my car in the parking lot for an hour and read it- it was glorious!!!!
The first 6 weeks or so are crazy, it does get easier. Keep reminding yourself.
Also, my biggest advice is take care of yourself. Sleep whenever you can, weather permitting, try to get outside every day. If possible, adjust your budget so that you can pay a sitter and do whatever renews your spirit (a cut & color, a yoga class, running, a trip to Barnes&Nobles, a mani/pedi) once a week so you have that to look forward to.
And lastly, with two small children it becomes so easy to forget about your marriage. Don't forget to make it a priority. Spend time together away from the kids, and talk about other subjects when you can!
You can do it!! My girlfriends say it's like the army- the toughest job you'll ever love!!
DD1 was 14 months when DD2 was born. I haven't had 2u2 for very long, but so far it hasn't been as bad as I expected. The worst part is when both want to be fed at the same time. I set L up in her high chair and get her food ready, then strap on my brest friend pillow and BF C while feeding L. It takes time to get everything together, so they both may cry/whine for a couple of minutes, but in the end everyone is happy.
While I agree that you will want help, I personally would be annoyed if I had someone staying with me overnights. By the end of the day, I am ready for all visitors to go home. We are lucky that both of our moms live close enough to pop in and help out for part of the day, and not have to stay overnight. My DH is also super helpful, moreso with DD1 than DD2 right now. It's easier for me to care for DD2 and let him tend to DD1 when he is home, though I make sure to spend some quality time with DD1 whenever possible as well. It has been totally helpful to have someone watch DD1 while DD2 or I have dr appts. To me, that has been the most helpful thing people have done. MIL also is keeping DD1 at her house one day a week, so I have a day to rest more or get chores done.
DD1 was a fabulous sleeper, but has recently starting crying when being laid down in her crib, however she still STTN once she gets to sleep so even that hasn't been horrible. That definitely helps, and DD2 sleeps a lot at night so far, which has allowed me to get more sleep having two babies than I was able to get with one fussy baby when DD1 was a newborn.
One good thing about your older child being so young when #2 is born is that generally they don't show many signs of jealousy. My DD1 has adjusted so well to being a big sister! She has not shown much jealousy, and it's pretty easy to get into the groove of having a newborn again because the experience is so fresh from #1.
One drawback is that with DD1 needing constant supervision, I don't have much time to pump. I'd really rather EP than BF, but I'm stuck with mostly BFing because of the time thing. and when DD1 naps, I try to get a nap too if DD2 is also asleep. For better or worse, napping takes priority over pumping.