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DH Vent- am I crazy or is he irresponsible?
Let me preface this with- I've had no coffee this morning.
Why? Well, I usually buy large bags from Costco and keep them in the freezer. We take turns refilling the container on the counter by the coffeemaker. Apparently, he was the last one to fill it and neglected to write on the grocery list (or even tell me) that we were out. So, although I went to Randalls, Whole Foods, Target, and Costco TWICE last weekend, I had no idea that we needed coffee and didn't get some.
He thinks I need to check around before I leave for the store to "see what we are out of." I explain that I try to do this, but that it's nearly impossible to notice when it's things that are hidden away (like excess chicken broth at the back of the cabinet, coffee in the freezer, extra toiletries in the bathroom, etc.)
This is why, when I notice we are low on something, I write it down!
Am I crazy to expect him to do the same? It really really makes me angry and he doesn't understand why. Any other thoughts on how to explain it to him?
(Also, he left the house without bringing lunch today, even though we have leftovers that need to be eaten and don't need to spend the money. Can't tell you how frustrated this makes me.)
Thanks.
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Re: DH Vent- am I crazy or is he irresponsible?
You're not crazy at all. I tell DH that if it's not on the list, he's not getting it. And DH does the same thing with lunches...it drives me nuts, especially when I'm stuck eating a sandwich or leftovers and he gets to eat something a lot more yummy.
I agree. I could have written your exact post a million times. I have to learn to just get over it, otherwise we'd be fighting 24/7. Is it irritating as hell? Yes.
Sounds like you guys need a personal spending money budget. A certain amount each month you each get to spend without the other person complaining. If he wants to go out to lunch, it has to come from his personal spending.
And I feel your pain on the grocery list!
Agreed. DH is always saying, "we need xyz," or "we're out of abc" and I'm always replying, "write in on the board!" We keep a dry erase board on the fridge that holds our running list. We don't have the same "must have" items (like coffee) so if he forgets to tell me something, he's the one who suffers.
Sorry you didn't have your coffee this morning. But look at it this way--it's the perfect excuse to grab a Starbucks
We did this. We still have our joint account, but then we each have a seperate checking account for eating out, getting a drink, etc. The same amount of money automatically gets deposited in there each paycheck and that's it. It has helped us not spend as much on stuff like that, and it has cut out a lot of little spats over issues like this. I will admit, I was totally against this idea until DH wore me down. Now I love it.
No help with the grocery list, though.
I'm going to go with this too. It annoys me to no end when DH does the same kind of thing, but for me it's just not worth the energy to get irritated over it.
I do have a rule that if it doesn't get on the list when I ask then it doesn't get purchased. He's perfectly capable of going to the store and buying whatever got forgotten.
OMG, my husband does this to me ALL THE TIME and it drives me crazy!!! He does the same thing. We get our coffee at Costco as well and I'll get back after wasting 3 hrs of my Saturday there, only to learn Monday morning we are out of coffee!
I feel your pain!!!!! And I get you!!!!!
I agree 100%. But I have no idea how you change that. I guess until it really starts to affect the bank account he'll keep doing it. Sorry.
Hmm.. if you're having that problem - get some of these:
https://amzn.to/fbcuzh
Seriously - having a check list that sticks to the fridge makes it totally easy for both of you to update it in one place. Its a really good gift, too.
(added... here is HEB's link for a grocery check list)
I hear you!
We have a magnetic notepad on the side of the fridge for our grocery list and DH is constantly...
1. stealing the notepad for another use and not putting it back
2. writing other random things on the grocery list
3. (to go with #2)... using sloppy handwriting so I THINK these random notes might actually be grocery items when I'm shopping but, I can't tell what it says.
4. TELLS me as he's standing a foot from the grocery list that we need more of XYZ... and I just go "Uh huh. Did you write it on the list?"
you should make him go to costco on a saturday afternoon (preferably right before christmas) as punishment.
yes, I'm mature.
I'd totally do this. Actually, whenever DH doesn't tell me we're out of something, I send him to the store for it. It doesn't help solve the problem of not telling me, but it takes some of the responsibility off my plate.
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We have something just like that stuck on the side of the fridge, along with a blank pad. I'm not sure he has written on it more than once or twice.
And I do try to make him go (or certainly don't go out of my way). Problem is when it also affects me (like the coffee) or it irritates me because he is paying more for something because he has to run to CVS rather than having me buy it in bulk at Costco.
As for the money side, it doesn't bother him. He will just do without other things and is ok with that.
I blame his mother.
It took a few years, but DH is now pretty good at putting things on the list as they are used up. I do try to keep an eye on stuff during the week. If it seems like something is running low, I put it on the list.
For important items (like coffee!), I'd probably put it on the list whenever you open the last bag. This means that you will have a full unopened bag as well as a partially used bag, but, if coffee is something you must have, better to store the extra bag than run out.
If DH forgets to put something on the list that he really needs ASAP, he knows that he is going to have to go to the store himself. He hates shopping, so that motivates him to put things on the list before he completely runs out.
I would keep working with him on putting things on the list before they run out. If you let this slide, you will be dealing with this for many years to come. What irritates me is when I know that we have something, but then DH uses it up without telling me so then we don't have it.
If my DH can learn to use the grocery list, so can yours.
Ditto! I can ask him, but he's not going to do it. So I figure why fight about it.
This is AMAZING! I'm adding it to my Christmas wish list.
That is what I ask him to do! If I notice we are running low, I do that and I don't understand why it's so hard for him to do the same. He thinks I should take inventory of everything before I leave the house, which I don't think is reasonable.