Did you have a specific plan for raising your child?

Spenjamins · December 2010

I see as a reason for avoiding daycare is that mothers want to be the one to make all of the parenting decisions and they don't trust anyone else to care for their child the way they think it should be done.

Why do first-time moms think they are so expert?

I have learned so much from my DCP who certainly has a gazillion times more experience than me - no matter what education I have, reading I have done, blah, blah, blah. We have been so lucky to have her.

My child rearing plan is this: smother with love and kisses, be in the moment, be as nurturing as possible and let them play and learn and laugh. All the rest is guided by the whatever works principle. I think flexibility has been the key to my raising happy, confident children.

Temp159135562506975 · December 2010

while i do think that i know best for my children- i also know that that they will learn so much that I can't teach them by being in a "school" setting, even at a young age.

I don't think being a SAHM is bad for children in most cases... but in some it is - some moms just aren't made for it- and their kids would be much better off in daycare.

I love that I/my kids get the best of both worlds - i work part time now and get 2-3 days a week home alone with my boys... and 2-3 days a week that they are in daycare and i'm working.

MBandBud · December 2010

Goldie_Locks_5:

while i do think that i know best for my children-

I think we think we know best for our children because we know what WE want them to do, how we want them to think, what rules we want them to follow, etc.

I think that a lot of times parenting is about controling. I know for me it's been a new world to really let go and say as the OP said, I'm just going to love the heck out of you and the rest, we'll take it as it comes.

luvmagoldn · December 2010

DH and I both had pretty strong ideas about what our parenting philosophy would not be. Our plan is to make sure our kids know they are loved to their very cores. We want to support them in finding what makes them happy in life. We want them to be well adjusted, caring and ethical adults. The rest is really up to them.

thatjessie · December 2010

Ive been winging it from the get go. Just figured I'd do what worked best for me and E and as long as she was happy and well behaved and I loved her with every ounce of me things would work out. So far they have so I think I'll just keep doing it.

JOEBunny · December 2010

A specific plan? Then your " whatever works principle" WTF?

Why do first time mom's think they are so expert? Maybe because they have been raising kids successfully for millions of years and only recently and in limited circles needed experts to do it?

smother with love and kisses, be in the moment? Yes, because a moment is all you feel is necessary to raise your children from you previous post.

Why do you feel the need to tear down others choices to justify yours?

Spenjamins · December 2010

JOEBunny:

A specific plan? Then your " whatever works principle" WTF?

Why do first time mom's think they are so expert? Maybe because they have been raising kids successfully for millions of years and only recently and in limited circles needed experts to do it?

smother with love and kisses, be in the moment? Yes, because a moment is all you feel is necessary to raise your children from you previous post.

Why do you feel the need to tear down others choices to justify yours?

I don't know if you are a regular poster but why so angry?

Spenjamins · December 2010

MBandBud:
Goldie_Locks_5:

while i do think that i know best for my children-

I think we think we know best for our children because we know what WE want them to do, how we want them to think, what rules we want them to follow, etc.

I think that a lot of times parenting is about controling. I know for me it's been a new world to really let go and say as the OP said, I'm just going to love the heck out of you and the rest, we'll take it as it comes.

I agree with the controlling part and I think it is odd to think because we popped the kid out, we are experts in the fine art of raising a child.

In terms of daycare, as long as it is a good one, why wouldn't we view our providers as helpful allies, not people that are going to steer our children down the wrong path?

mrstarawalsh · December 2010

Plan? To keep them alive LOL

I am an expert in MY children. Its my job to be so. My husband is also an expert in our kids. You don't need a degree or experience (although I had both before I had kids) to be an expert at being in tune with your own offspring. As you well know, Spens, we don't do the daycare thing. We feel our young children should have a primary attachment figure and we will gradually acclimate them to others being care givers and teachers. Our little foray into morning preschool with my son has only reaffirmed that the only ones who 100% have our children's best interest at heart is us. Not that they don't care, or are horrid people. Because they're not. My son loves school and has learned so much. We love and respect his teachers, especially his "shadow".But at the end of the day they have other obligations including the other kids there. We value one on one interaction with our infant/ toddler.

I think my plan is to do right by my kids, give them the childhood I didn't have. Other than that I'm learning as I go.

cindybaf · December 2010

Daycare doesn't cook, feed the dog, or do the laundry...I think the real reason for not choosing daycare right now is for myself-not my child rearing plans. Coming home to a baby napping at lunch time, then to a clean baby, clean house, happy dog, and a warm meal at the end of the day is worth the money.

I really didn't think that choosing DC over a nanny was a question of raising the baby. Either way the baby will be fine(I went through a mix of daycares, nannies, preschools), and when you are not home how do you know the nanny is doing things the way you would? Anyway, I don't even feel the need to call home, but I do come home on my lunch hour.

I am not an expert but know that when I am working I am a better mom than if I had to stay at home. Some women have it together when they SAH, I do not. I did choose a nanny that I would like to stay at home with myself, she came over 3-4 days a week while I was on maternity leave and basically has been caring for LO since she was five days old. I trust her style, tell her when I want things done differently, and that's all.

My baby gets even cuter after I come home from work...

Buffy2010 · December 2010

I wish I could create a plan and stick with it.

I thought I had it all figured out after Child 1, a girl who takes after me. Unfortunately Plan A doesn't work with Child 2, a boy who takes after his dad. My daycare teachers have been hugely helpful in helping me understand my kids' temperments.

SoldiersGreenBean · December 2010

JOEBunny:

Why do you feel the need to tear down others choices to justify yours?

Can you please elaborate on this? I don't see anywhere in her OP, follow-up, or other posts that she tears anyone down. I would love to understand where you're reading this.

My plan? Fly by the seat of my pants. If I feign confidence, my children will never know the difference.

kcisthebombdotcom · December 2010

As someone who is avoiding daycare (I only work 17 hours a week and make my own hours so childcare is provided by my mom or my DH), the main reasoning in avoiding it is the cost. lol. I don't see anything horrible about sending kids to daycare and my reasoning isnt because I don't trust others or that I want to make the parenting decisions. Developmentally, there certainly is a benefit to having kids in daycare. However, I personally feel that my DS does well getting 1 on 1 interaction for now. I do definitely want him with some sort of preschool/daycare structure eventually and I will definitely pay for it when I feel it will be beneficial, but probably not until around age 3 or so.

I never had a plan. I just kind of wing it, and I'm sure the plan will be different and change some when my DD arrives. I don't think I'll make all the same decisions with her as I have with my son. I think every child is different and you have to parent them based on what works for that individual child. For example, I never planned on bedsharing but I have with my son because it worked for a period of time for him. When it got to the point where it wasnt benefitting him any longer and his sleep was disrupted, we changed the plan and moved him into his own room. He's an independent, happy kid that sleeps well, so I feel I made the right choice. Who knows what will happen when DD gets here. I'll do whatever I feel is in her best interest.

Admittedly, whenever I see a first time mom who has such a structured plan about raising their child (ie I will BF for x amount of months, baby will sleep in their own crib from birth, etc) I giggle to myself. You never know what is going to happen with kids and you do really have to wing it a lot of the time.

historychick79 · December 2010

It's kind of hard to plan when you have no idea what kind of personality your child has, and when it does start to appear it can change bit by bit as they also figure things out about the world around them. I have ideas about how I want to raise my child--lots of reading, minimal spanking (and only for safety situations where nothing else has worked and they're between age 1 1/2 and 3), experience with lots of people and situations. But when my child is too cranky to deal with a book before bedtime, or if he turns out to be a crazy toddler or super shy, then obviously that 'plan' has to change. It's a learning curve for both parent and baby. Because I have to work, I'd rather think of my daycare teachers as allies rather than a dreaded necessity, along the lines of 'it takes a village' Hopefully the more my son experiences other people and ideas with guidancein a way that supports his personality, the better prepared he is to take on the world down the road.

BoxTer · December 2010

No, not really. There are things that I've done since being a mom that I said I would never do, so I have definitely learned that even the best-laid plans can go awry. My main goal is that she grows up happy and healthy with a good head on her shoulders and respect for others. I think her teachers have helped us with our goal, along with our parents, friends, etc. I certainly don't claim to have all the answers!

shouldbworkin · December 2010

whatever plans I had went out the window when I had DS - a colicky, food-allergic, hyper sensitive little ticking time bomb that could go off at any minute. I went into it not really having a plan, but quickly realized that I needed to parent my DC the way he needed to be parented (I might have said a few things about not taking my kids to stores late at night and introducing them to sushi from an early age ... my kids hate sushi BTW).

I haven't really ever felt that our DCPs knew more about parenting my kids than I did. Our favorite one raised two grown boys and while she could relate to a lot of what was going on (she had late talkers, picky eater, etc), she deferred to me when it came to my kids.

Really, it's never been more obvious to me that we raise my kids than it was when I took DS to KG orientation. Our influence on him really showed, from the school we picked, to how we chose to spend our time as a family. But, to me, "raising" means the big stuff, like values. You can't pay someone else to teach that to your kids.

ETA: I think it is also scary for many new moms to trust anyone to take care of their babies. It's probably biological. There are trustworthy caregivers out there and I honestly couldn't be a successful working mom without them. The trust is what it's all about!

FloF9 · December 2010

Great post!

Pre-baby I had a plan.

Now I take each day as it comes, and attempt to show lot of attention and affection. Also, I am really trying (on a daily basis) to not push them ahead of their years. (My siblings and I were raised very competitively and I'm the youngest - when my sisters had kids they raised them like that - who's bilingual, who is more athletic, who is the most studious, etc...).

My plan is to try to teach them good manners, to be kind to others, to be honest, hardworking citizens, etc...

KathrynMD · December 2010

this seems like it relates to a previous post, but I haven't seen it.

For me, my only plan is to raise a happy healthy kid and to try to sane myself/ourselves.

I'm not an idiot, I have plans and preferences, etc., but I since I've been pregnant, I've been really flexible and have tried to always keep my eye on the ball - healthy, happy child and sane parents. This attitude has stood me in good stead the last two years - first from when we found out I would have to have a c-section b/c DD was breech, to giving up on breast feeding at 6 weeks, to sleep training, to traveling w/ DD, and now to starting to introduce discipline and manners, etc.

I trust my daycare and the providers and I think they have a lot to teach me and share regarding DD and other children. I'd be naive to think that someone who's been taking care of infants and toddlers for years doesnt' have any tricks to share with me. I like information from all sources and so of course, I use them as a resource, but certainly not the final word.

cc62406 · December 2010

My plan was to read a lot of books to baby, no tv until they are 3 and try to breastfeed for 1 year. That is it for a plan.

I do listen to the advice of my DC providers and to that of other parents and my mom/dad and MIL. Do I always take the advice? No, but I definitely at least listen with an open mind.

I also enjoy reading parenting books and magazines but that is just me.

MammaBear81 · December 2010

For us planning was and still is the way to go with our children. We have a set schedule (that doesn't happen 100% of the time) but consistency has led to four very happy and well rounded children. We chose not to go with daycare because we wanted consistency with who was taking care of our kids. I guess I am a bit jaded by DC's because I used to work for them, high end, low end, no matter where it was as much as they looked like they were caring for your kids, it's all about the money, and it made me sad. I tried my best to take care of kids the way parents wished but at the end of the day it was all about numbers.

I don't think hating on first time mothers thinking they know everything is a good idea. I think mom's know best for their child, and if they are sure with themselves they will know when they are right, and know when they should ask someones opinion. It's quite aggravating when everyone else thinks they know how to raise your baby better then you do. I was 24 when I had my first baby and everyone assumed I had no idea what I was doing, and pressed their opinions on me. I'm not saying everyone knows what they are doing, but I don't think its fair to say that none of them do.

Spenjamins · December 2010

I think that when you are 24 you THINK you know a lot more in general than you think you do when you are in your late 30's.

Sunsh1ne · December 2010

Isn't "parenting plan" an oxymoron?

I was a planner pre-baby, but LO is teaching me I have to be flexible!

MammaBear81 · December 2010

Spenjamins:
I think that when you are 24 you THINK you know a lot more in general than you think you do when you are in your late 30's.

Really? I don't think I was being rude to anyone, I don't see why you needed to say this. I was and am still a great mom, even if I was 24. Now I haven't hit my late 30's yet, but I think experience has a lot more to do with what you know than your age.

Spenjamins · December 2010

MammaBear81:
Spenjamins:

I think that when you are 24 you THINK you know a lot more in general than you think you do when you are in your late 30's.

Really? I don't think I was being rude to anyone, I don't see why you needed to say this. I was and am still a great mom, even if I was 24. Now I haven't hit my late 30's yet, but I think experience has a lot more to do with what you know than your age.

I don't think I was being rude - I think that is really a fact. Most new mothers get a lot of advice - most of it well-meaning and a lot of it useful. I see a lot of young mothers use the arrival of their first child as a way to assert their adulthood and independence from their own mothers and they become very controlling. "Can you believe it, Bumpies? My MOTHER prefers a stroller to a muslin baby wrap. O.M.G.........!" "How dare she tell me I should consider x/y/z? I am the mother NOT her!"

This is not solely dependent on age.

MammaBear81 · December 2010

Spenjamins:
MammaBear81:
Spenjamins:

I think that when you are 24 you THINK you know a lot more in general than you think you do when you are in your late 30's.

Really? I don't think I was being rude to anyone, I don't see why you needed to say this. I was and am still a great mom, even if I was 24. Now I haven't hit my late 30's yet, but I think experience has a lot more to do with what you know than your age.

I don't think I was being rude - I think that is really a fact. Most new mothers get a lot of advice - most of it well-meaning and a lot of it useful. I see a lot of young mothers use the arrival of their first child as a way to assert their adulthood and independence from their own mothers and they become very controlling. "Can you believe it, Bumpies? My MOTHER prefers a stroller to a muslin baby wrap. O.M.G.........!" "How dare she tell me I should consider x/y/z? I am the mother NOT her!"
This is not solely dependent on age.

Except that your response to my post was COMPLETELY about my age, (I think that when you are 24 you THINK you know a lot more in general than you think you do when you are in your late 30's) and I do think that was rude. Just because you are 24 doesn't mean you don't know what you are doing and just because you are 44 doesn't mean you know how to change a diaper. People grow up with different experiences in their life that make them who they are. Are there young mothers that have no idea what they are doing? SURE, but there are plenty of "older mothers" that are just the same way. Putting age aside, I don't think it's fair to assume that just because someone is a "new" mother that she NEEDS advice. Most people ask when they want advice (I.e. posting on the bump, or asking a particular person a question) I try my best to refrain from giving advice unless asked and I think a lot of mothers would feel better about themselves and as a parent if help/advice was given when asked.

jenuine · December 2010

At 24, I didn't know anything compared to what I know now about life. And people told me that at 24 and I was upset like you were. Wait until you are in your late 30's. You'll get it then.

But to Spen's point, it doesn't matter if you are a teen mom or a mom in your 40's - EVERYONE wants to give you advice. You are a new mom and they want to "help." At any age, you just need to learn to have a thick skin, which I didn't have in my 20's as well as I do now.

Spenjamins · December 2010

You are right in the sense that if you are a first time mom at any age and you actually think you shouldn't listen to advice because you have it all figured out - you are doing a disservice to your child.

When women get older, they realize the truth of this more.

Temp159135562506975 · December 2010

Spenjamins:
MBandBud:
Goldie_Locks_5:

while i do think that i know best for my children-

I think we think we know best for our children because we know what WE want them to do, how we want them to think, what rules we want them to follow, etc.

I think that a lot of times parenting is about controling. I know for me it's been a new world to really let go and say as the OP said, I'm just going to love the heck out of you and the rest, we'll take it as it comes.

I agree with the controlling part and I think it is odd to think because we popped the kid out, we are experts in the fine art of raising a child.

Well- perhaps i'm different here... because I am somewhat of an "expert" in early childhood.... i have my degree in early childhood education and am certified for children birth through age 8 So when i think of raising my children - it's not about controlling them - it's about teaching them about the world, life, etc.... I don't think of "raising" my children as controlling them - far from it - so perhaps you are not thinking of the same types of things I am.

Loving them and kissing them is part of it all - but that's not the only way to help build self esteem, knowledge, etc....

While I certainly don't know it all when it comes to raising children - I do know what is best for MY children - more than 99.9% of the population out there.... so I'm not going to throw the responsibility of "raising my children" to other people just b/c they happen to be at their daycare and good with kids.

My kids learn a LOT at daycare- and i love that they go there- but what they do/learn there is just a small part of their childhood and how they are "raised".

As a former teacher I can say with 100% certainty that even when a teacher spends more time/day with a child than the parent- what the parent does/says matters so much more to that child than the teacher ever will. I WISHED I could matter more to many of the kids I taught- b/c they had HORRIBLe parents - but sadly- even the sh!tty parents who spend no time with their kids still have more of an effect on a child than a loving teacher who is with them all day 5 days a week.

Spenjamins · December 2010

Goldie_Locks_5:
Spenjamins:
MBandBud:
Goldie_Locks_5:

while i do think that i know best for my children-

I think we think we know best for our children because we know what WE want them to do, how we want them to think, what rules we want them to follow, etc.

I think that a lot of times parenting is about controling. I know for me it's been a new world to really let go and say as the OP said, I'm just going to love the heck out of you and the rest, we'll take it as it comes.

I agree with the controlling part and I think it is odd to think because we popped the kid out, we are experts in the fine art of raising a child.

Well- perhaps i'm different here... because I am somewhat of an "expert" in early childhood.... i have my degree in early childhood education and am certified for children birth through age 8 So when i think of raising my children - it's not about controlling them - it's about teaching them about the world, life, etc.... I don't think of "raising" my children as controlling them - far from it - so perhaps you are not thinking of the same types of things I am.

Loving them and kissing them is part of it all - but that's not the only way to help build self esteem, knowledge, etc....

While I certainly don't know it all when it comes to raising children - I do know what is best for MY children - more than 99.9% of the population out there.... so I'm not going to throw the responsibility of "raising my children" to other people just b/c they happen to be at their daycare and good with kids.

My kids learn a LOT at daycare- and i love that they go there- but what they do/learn there is just a small part of their childhood and how they are "raised".

As a former teacher I can say with 100% certainty that even when a teacher spends more time/day with a child than the parent- what the parent does/says matters so much more to that child than the teacher ever will. I WISHED I could matter more to many of the kids I taught- b/c they had HORRIBLe parents - but sadly- even the sh!tty parents who spend no time with their kids still have more of an effect on a child than a loving teacher who is with them all day 5 days a week.

I agree with every thing you said. You also taught kids. So even with everything I know about babies and kids, I would still look to you for reassurance if I had a question. Because you have more experience than me.

I don't think all women come to motherhood without any knowledge but I imagine even you, when you had your kids, looked to others you trusted for advice, reassurance, etc.

I don't think it is necesarily about controlling the child for some women, it is about controlling the whole experience.

MammaBear81 · December 2010

Spenjamins:
You are right in the sense that if you are a first time mom at any age and you actually think you shouldn't listen to advice because you have it all figured out - you are doing a disservice to your child.

When women get older, they realize the truth of this more.

I taught in daycares for years, ran an after school program, studied child psychology, and have a BS in early child education specializing in birth-Kindergarten. I know I don't have it ALL figured out but I pretty much know what I'm doing, I don't need to wait to get to my 30's to see how much "I didn't know" and ifI do have a question I go find an answer, in a book or by asking a person I trust (not random advice given from people when they feel necessary to share). I didn't want to sit here and "whip out" all of my credentials but simply saying that some people have more "experiences" in life than others do wasn't good enough. People shouldn't have to explain why they know what they know, if they need help, they will ask

I'm not doing a "disservice to my children" by not taking a popular vote about every decision I make in raising my children. What I'm doing works, so I don't need someone else telling me how to do it differently.

Just to show I know I don't "know it all" I've been posting on the potty training board b/c my 3 1/2 year old boy refuses to go potty, his 5 year old brother is PT and his 2 year old sister is also PT, but he won't, and i"m glad about the feedback I received... nice responses to a subject I ASKED for advice on.

Spenjamins · December 2010

The arrogance and defensiveness in your post, even when combined with your stated experience and education, just makes you look silly and immature.

You aren't doing the under-30 crowd any favors here.

mysticporter · December 2010

The flip side is that a reason to put your child in day care is because you don't feel like dealing with all of their care, or getting at your experience argument that you feel you are incapable of doing so properly. Is it the reason most parents do so? No, nor do I think insecurity or trust issues are the primary reasons most parents avoid day care.

A day care provider might has a lot of valuable experience which may help the bulk of children...but kids aren't statistics. My SIL is very experienced in early childhood ed, and we appreciate what we've learned from her watching her interact with our kids, but we've also seen times where her experience can make her disregard individual variation and needs ("I know this works" rather than "what works for this child?"). Good SAH parents also involve others in child care, just not on as rigid a schedule as typically occurs in families that use day care situations.

To be honest, I think you've got the decision thing backward. The bulk of day cares are geared toward providing the type of care that the bulk of parents are comfortable and happy with. It's not that parents who use day care are more comfortable letting others make decisions, as that those decisions are already in keeping with what the parents are OK with. I'm 100% sure that if/when your DC does something you don't agree with, you'll address it, you're not going to accept it under "they know better".

All that is separate from 'having a plan'. I'm guessing, although it sounds way cool to say "I just want healthy/happy kids" and "I'm way flexible", blah blah, in reality, I'm sure you probably plan a lot more than that. You probably planned on day care in the first place, and selected your provider very carefully.

Spenjamins · December 2010

mysticporter:

The flip side is that a reason to put your child in day care is because you don't feel like dealing with all of their care, or getting at your experience argument that you feel you are incapable of doing so properly. Is it the reason most parents do so? No, nor do I think insecurity or trust issues are the primary reasons most parents avoid day care.

A day care provider might has a lot of valuable experience which may help the bulk of children...but kids aren't statistics. My SIL is very experienced in early childhood ed, and we appreciate what we've learned from her watching her interact with our kids, but we've also seen times where her experience can make her disregard individual variation and needs ("I know this works" rather than "what works for this child?"). Good SAH parents also involve others in child care, just not on as rigid a schedule as typically occurs in families that use day care situations.

To be honest, I think you've got the decision thing backward. The bulk of day cares are geared toward providing the type of care that the bulk of parents are comfortable and happy with. It's not that parents who use day care are more comfortable letting others make decisions, as that those decisions are already in keeping with what the parents are OK with. I'm 100% sure that if/when your DC does something you don't agree with, you'll address it, you're not going to accept it under "they know better".

All that is separate from 'having a plan'. I'm guessing, although it sounds way cool to say "I just want healthy/happy kids" and "I'm way flexible", blah blah, in reality, I'm sure you probably plan a lot more than that. You probably planned on day care in the first place, and selected your provider very carefully.

I think you are missing the point. The OP was regarding women suggesting one of the evils of daycare was that THEY wanted to be the ones to make all the decisions about parenting because they are somehow super first-time moms who have it all figured out before hand.

So your "flip-side" doesn't make sense at all.

MammaBear81 · December 2010

Name calling?! I'm silly and immature? I don't see why you are so bothered that I have a plan for my life and my kids and it works. I am a confident (not arrogant) person, and no, I'm not trying to do "the under 30 crowd" any favors, it doesn't matter how old you are. Your response from another Teacher was "then of course I would look to you for advice since you know more than I do" doesn't work for my situation because I'm not old enough for you to "look to me for advice and reassurance"?? .. The fact that all you keep talking about is my age is just more proof that's all you care about. I never commented on your choice to be an "older parent", or that your "plan" for raising your kids is to give them love and kisses and the rest will work itself out, That is your choice, I posted my "plan" and you feel the need to tell me I don't know what I'm doing solely on your opinion of my age.

I'm not a silly little girl playing house, I'm a woman making a life for myself and my family. Have a fabulous evening and above all enjoy being a parent.

Spenjamins · December 2010

MammaBear81:

Name calling?! I'm silly and immature? I don't see why you are so bothered that I have a plan for my life and my kids and it works. I am a confident (not arrogant) person, and no, I'm not trying to do "the under 30 crowd" any favors, it doesn't matter how old you are. Your response from another Teacher was "then of course I would look to you for advice since you know more than I do" doesn't work for my situation because I'm not old enough for you to "look to me for advice and reassurance"?? .. The fact that all you keep talking about is my age is just more proof that's all you care about. I never commented on your choice to be an "older parent", or that your "plan" for raising your kids is to give them love and kisses and the rest will work itself out, That is your choice, I posted my "plan" and you feel the need to tell me I don't know what I'm doing solely on your opinion of my age.

I'm not a silly little girl playing house, I'm a woman making a life for myself and my family. Have a fabulous evening and above all enjoy being a parent.

So as far as you are concerned with all of your wisdom and experience, as long as a mother doesn't feel or think like they need help, all advice is unwarranted? I think that is foolhardy and close-minded. Obviously, we don't always know when advice might be helpful.

A Bachelor's Degree and some psychology classes may not equal the wisdom of a Grandmother who has raised a bunch of kids, KWIM? No matter how old you are.

Read your posts again after a glass of wine tonight. They don't jive with what any of the other posts were really saying at all. It's your own stuff.

I think Goldie is much younger than I.

mysticporter · December 2010

Spenjamins:
mysticporter:

The flip side is that a reason to put your child in day care is because you don't feel like dealing with all of their care, or getting at your experience argument that you feel you are incapable of doing so properly. Is it the reason most parents do so? No, nor do I think insecurity or trust issues are the primary reasons most parents avoid day care.

A day care provider might has a lot of valuable experience which may help the bulk of children...but kids aren't statistics. My SIL is very experienced in early childhood ed, and we appreciate what we've learned from her watching her interact with our kids, but we've also seen times where her experience can make her disregard individual variation and needs ("I know this works" rather than "what works for this child?"). Good SAH parents also involve others in child care, just not on as rigid a schedule as typically occurs in families that use day care situations.

To be honest, I think you've got the decision thing backward. The bulk of day cares are geared toward providing the type of care that the bulk of parents are comfortable and happy with. It's not that parents who use day care are more comfortable letting others make decisions, as that those decisions are already in keeping with what the parents are OK with. I'm 100% sure that if/when your DC does something you don't agree with, you'll address it, you're not going to accept it under "they know better".

All that is separate from 'having a plan'. I'm guessing, although it sounds way cool to say "I just want healthy/happy kids" and "I'm way flexible", blah blah, in reality, I'm sure you probably plan a lot more than that. You probably planned on day care in the first place, and selected your provider very carefully.

I think you are missing the point. The OP was regarding women suggesting one of the evils of daycare was that THEY wanted to be the ones to make all the decisions about parenting because they are somehow super first-time moms who have it all figured out before hand.
So your "flip-side" doesn't make sense at all.

Perhaps your post was in response to something I missed, and someone actually said "I want to make every parenting decision and don't trust anyone to care for my child". Your post as it stood sounded more like your opinion of why people avoid daycare. I was giving what someone could turn around and say about why someone is using daycare. Neither is broadly accurate IMO.

Like I said, though, I think primarily individuals who use daycare are doing so because they are already making the decisions the parents would make, not that they want to give up being the one to make choices.

Want a personalized experience?

Did you have a specific plan for raising your child?

Re: Did you have a specific plan for raising your child?

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