When LO gets much older (HS age), what will be your stand on drinking?

mkanderson85 · December 2010

Two of my coworkers have children that are seniors in high school and 18 years old. One of them, today, said that she lets her daughter drink some beer or a half of a daquiri with her at home. The other man REAMED her about this and said that he would NEVER let his daughter do this and why would she be encouraging it.

Coworker 1 said because she is going to drink anyway, so she'd rather her do it at home. Coworker 2 says "why is she GOING TO DO IT? Not everyone does that and you're going to make her. You are going to ruin your daughter and make her an alcoholic."

My mother raised me to much like coworker 1. She would rather me call HER if I was ever in need of a ride and she didn't want me to be scared of her on the matter and turn to someone else and her be left out of the loop of my life.

I knew so many people whose parents were super strict when it came to drinking and when those people came to college, they went CRAZY and completely abused alcohol. I never went through that type of phase. Of course we are in South Louisiana and drinking is very much a part of our culture. When Annalise gets to that age, I'd rather her have a drink with me than sneak it at a friend's house. I wouldn't push it on her, of course, but if she asked me, I'd let her try mine one time.

Curious to know your thoughts and how you think you may tackle that issue if/when it comes up later in life.

nopegoat · December 2010

My mom had 7 kids, I am #5 so when she got to me I feel she mellowed out a lot. She was a lot like your coworker #1. She knew we were going to do what we wanted to, we were stupid teenagers, so her main concern was that we do it safely and responsibly. I feel that this was a lot better for us kids. None of us really had a strong desire to go out drinking and partying because it wasn't completely off limits. My DF's mom, however, was exactly like your coworker #2 and my DF was crazy and at times very irresponsible and wreckless with drinking. I know that is not true for everybody but it is enough reason for my DF and I to be more like my mom and coworker #1.

Violet_McPurpleson · December 2010

This is going to be flameful, but I think I will handle it in much the same way my parents did. My parents knew I drank at parties, but I had a strict curfew, they always knew where I was and who I was with, and there was absolutely no drinking and driving.

Because of the freedom they gave me I never had to lie to them. I really was where I said I was and I always got home on time, because I didn't want to be grounded the next weekend. There were multiple times where I felt uncomfortable about what was going on at a party, or where the DD was irresponsible and drank and I would call them to come and get me.

I was allowed to have a beer or a glass of wine occasionally at home, but just one and with dinner. My house was never the party house or anything like that either.

I feel like this approach took the taboo and rebelliousness out of drinking. I didn't have to sneak around and I didn't go crazy with freedom once I was in college.

I very well may change my mind about this. I really don't have a clue about raising a teenager.

mkanderson85 · December 2010

Violet_McPurpleson:

This is going to be flameful, but I think I will handle it in much the same way my parents did. My parents knew I drank at parties, but I had a strict curfew, they always knew where I was and who I was with, and there was absolutely no drinking and driving.

Because of the freedom they gave me I never had to lie to them. I really was where I said I was and I always got home on time, because I didn't want to be grounded the next weekend. There were multiple times where I felt uncomfortable about what was going on at a party, or where the DD was irresponsible and drank and I would call them to come and get me.

I was allowed to have a beer or a glass of wine occasionally at home, but just one and with dinner. My house was never the party house or anything like that either.

I feel like this approach took the taboo and rebelliousness out of drinking. I didn't have to sneak around and I didn't go crazy with freedom once I was in college.

I very well may change my mind about this. I really don't have a clue about raising a teenager.

This is me too. My mom wanted me to be HONEST with her.

Coworker 2 swears that his daughter has never had a sip of alcohol in her life. She is a senior, popular, gorgeous, and got in trouble with him last year for sending "sexual text messages" to some boys. COME ON dude, you are delusional.

LCB34 · December 2010

Violet_McPurpleson:

This is going to be flameful, but I think I will handle it in much the same way my parents did. My parents knew I drank at parties, but I had a strict curfew, they always knew where I was and who I was with, and there was absolutely no drinking and driving.

Because of the freedom they gave me I never had to lie to them. I really was where I said I was and I always got home on time, because I didn't want to be grounded the next weekend. There were multiple times where I felt uncomfortable about what was going on at a party, or where the DD was irresponsible and drank and I would call them to come and get me.

I was allowed to have a beer or a glass of wine occasionally at home, but just one and with dinner. My house was never the party house or anything like that either.

I feel like this approach took the taboo and rebelliousness out of drinking. I didn't have to sneak around and I didn't go crazy with freedom once I was in college.

I very well may change my mind about this. I really don't have a clue about raising a teenager.

This is how Alex and I plan to be as well.

My parents were super strict (in South Louisiana - which made it even worse IMO) and I snuck around and made decisions that were riskier than if they would have been more open and OK with drinking. And, my freshman year of college is a totaly blur.

I don't want to be like that with Kate.

ladybug8510 · December 2010

I'm OK with DD having a drink in my presence. I occasionally had wine or something around my parents.

And your co-worker is crazy, his daughter has more than likely had a drink. And you withhold it, I think LO can be more likely to overdue it without you, possibly in an unsafe environment.

Dreamsicle23 · December 2010

Violet_McPurpleson:
This is going to be flameful, but I think I will handle it in much the same way my parents did. My parents knew I drank at parties, but I had a strict curfew, they always knew where I was and who I was with, and there was absolutely no drinking and driving.
Because of the freedom they gave me I never had to lie to them. I really was where I said I was and I always got home on time, because I didn't want to be grounded the next weekend. There were multiple times where I felt uncomfortable about what was going on at a party, or where the DD was irresponsible and drank and I would call them to come and get me.
I was allowed to have a beer or a glass of wine occasionally at home, but just one and with dinner. My house was never the party house or anything like that either.
I feel like this approach took the taboo and rebelliousness out of drinking. I didn't have to sneak around and I didn't go crazy with freedom once I was in college.
I very well may change my mind about this. I really don't have a clue about raising a teenager.

I was like this as well. I grew up in an Italian family and got teeny glasses of asti on the holidays when I was like 10 (OMG call CPS!!!). Alcohol was totally non-taboo to me and I never got really drunk until my 20th birthday! I plan on raising my kid the same way.

toyah81 · December 2010

The way you raise your children to be and the way they actually live their lives can vary a lot. And this of course differs with each child. My parents didn't drink (well my Mom didn't - Dad doesn't now) and it was understood that we wouldn't until we became of legal age. I stuck to it, however, I wasn't easily influenced by what my friends or anyone else was doing. I actually had no desire to drink and when the time came for me to do it legally, I still didn't drink much. I never had to sneak to do anything b/c I honestly didn't do much. I partied but just didn't drink while doing it.

I was more of a going out to dinner drinker after I turned 21. Now, I have 2 kids, so that has changed somewhat. Lol! I still don't drink much though.

I expect my girls and any future children I have not to drink before 21 either. I certainly will not have them drink with me either.

lakesbride · December 2010

Well - I grew up in Europe and was allowed wine with a meal from my early teens. In the UK it's not illegal to drink at any age in your own home and you can buy alcohol legally from 18.

It was never a big deal and I found that most of my friends, like me were pretty sensible about the whole thing.

I only moved to the US 2 years ago and find it odd that alcohol is such a hot topic here and provokes such strong reactions.

Also I have met people here who are really anti alcohol but okay with pot - which I am very anti.

RunningWife · December 2010

I'll take a more relaxed stance. I know from being a teenager myself, that we drink, and I'd rather have an open door policy with Logan about it. I want to show him how drinking can be an enjoyable, responsibly done activity.

I had the same thing with my mom; I didn't sit around and get drunk with her, but when I turned 18 (our legal drinking age is 19) I could have one small glass of wine with her on Sunday nights and on holidays...and if I did have too much while out, I could call home for a ride,no questions asked...

I plan on doing the same thing with DS.

hasenbank · December 2010

Violet_McPurpleson:
This is going to be flameful, but I think I will handle it in much the same way my parents did. My parents knew I drank at parties, but I had a strict curfew, they always knew where I was and who I was with, and there was absolutely no drinking and driving.
Because of the freedom they gave me I never had to lie to them. I really was where I said I was and I always got home on time, because I didn't want to be grounded the next weekend. There were multiple times where I felt uncomfortable about what was going on at a party, or where the DD was irresponsible and drank and I would call them to come and get me.
I was allowed to have a beer or a glass of wine occasionally at home, but just one and with dinner. My house was never the party house or anything like that either.
I feel like this approach took the taboo and rebelliousness out of drinking. I didn't have to sneak around and I didn't go crazy with freedom once I was in college.
I very well may change my mind about this. I really don't have a clue about raising a teenager.

This. I never really drank with my parents, but the rest of this fits me to a T. I'll raise my kids the same way. I teach high school and I remember being in HS. I'm a realist.

IfferMarie · December 2010

mkanderson85:
Violet_McPurpleson:

This is going to be flameful, but I think I will handle it in much the same way my parents did. My parents knew I drank at parties, but I had a strict curfew, they always knew where I was and who I was with, and there was absolutely no drinking and driving.

Because of the freedom they gave me I never had to lie to them. I really was where I said I was and I always got home on time, because I didn't want to be grounded the next weekend. There were multiple times where I felt uncomfortable about what was going on at a party, or where the DD was irresponsible and drank and I would call them to come and get me.

I was allowed to have a beer or a glass of wine occasionally at home, but just one and with dinner. My house was never the party house or anything like that either.

I feel like this approach took the taboo and rebelliousness out of drinking. I didn't have to sneak around and I didn't go crazy with freedom once I was in college.

I very well may change my mind about this. I really don't have a clue about raising a teenager.

This is me too. My mom wanted me to be HONEST with her.

Coworker 2 swears that his daughter has never had a sip of alcohol in her life. She is a senior, popular, gorgeous, and got in trouble with him last year for sending "sexual text messages" to some boys. COME ON dude, you are delusional.

I would be upset if my daughter were sending sexual text messages too. I didn't drink and I expect my daughter to do the same.

emi_girl23 · December 2010

I will be open with my teens in the sense that I want them to be able to approach me and talk to me when they have issues such as drinking but I will not allow it. I hated living in a small town when I was in HS because my parents found out everything I ever did, but I think it will work to my advantage when my kids are that age. I want them to know if they are ever in a bad situation or need a ride they can always call me with no questions asked (the first time.) If it starts becoming a habit then we will have problems.

plainjanie1 · December 2010

DH and I don't drink, and I only drink wine occasionally. Neither DH's family or my family drinks either, so she would never be exposed to it at home, and therefore we certainly wouldn't encourage it. If we were drinkers, I would be fine with letting her take a few sips at home once she was 16 or older. I don't see a problem letting a teen have a taste, or even a glass at home with the family - wine or beer only, though.

Ananke · December 2010

I'll be pretty relaxed about it. I just want my son to know that if he needs me, I'm there, and even if he screws up, I won't judge him - I've been there too. I'm sure we'll let him drink at home so it's not completely foreign, and I can see allowing him to have friends over - with parent's permission of course - and having some drinks. His safety is my #1 priority, so I'll do whatever it takes to make sure he isn't out drinking and driving.

When I was a teen, my dad was like I am planning on being, but he was never approachable, so I never took him up on the offers. As a kid, he liked to have me make his scotch drinks, and I'd always take a sip when I was done - it was one of my favorite things! I had tasted beer and wine and stuff pretty early, and even though my dad was pretty open and offered all the 'non judgmental' stuff, I still ended up rebelling in some fashion. I went away to a summer job in a different state after my junior year in HS, and it was just one big party. I went pretty crazy with the binge drinking, and a lot of it was to do with the peer pressure, rather than me wanting to stick it to the old man. After that summer, it was in my system for a couple years, but by my 21st birthday, drinking was boring and I didn't like getting sick anymore.

Anyway, I say that to make the point that even if we, as parents, try to be open for our kids and offer them our support, advice, and even allow them to drink at home, they may still want to go out and not tell us about it, or not want to disappoint us (even if they know we won't say anything) so they'll keep it hush hush. I don't have an answer for it, and I'd like to say that my kids will be able to talk to me about anything, but I have no delusions, and we'll have to cross that bridge when it comes.

VABride2008 · December 2010

My parents had a very open door when it came to drinking. They wanted me to feel comfortable calling them if I needed a ride from a party, no questions asked (at least not that night). They knew what went on at parties in our small town. Instead of playing the oblivious card they faced the facts and tried to teach us responsibility. They knew that I had shown interest in alcohol and they know what it's like to be a teen.

My parents let me have a few drinks with them, not all the time, but they did allow it. Many of their friends/family had the same stance so it wasn't uncommon for us to partake if we went to a cook-out or gathering with friends and family.

I can say, many of my friends' parents were very strict, they didn't know HALF of what their children were doing at parties or on weekends with small groups of friends. You would be surprised at what "good girls" will do.

To me, educating them on the effects of alcohol is a good idea. We will allow our daughter to experiment if she is showing interest in it. In no way would we force her to drink or offer it to her if she doesn't want it.

mommabird77 · December 2010

I don't think I will be letting my son drink with me under age. My father always let us drink with him at home, usually wine because he is a big wine guy. I still was a disaster in high school/college. I was a binge drinker and got myself into some pretty unsafe situations. I partied all the time. My parents never knew what I was doing, and not because they didn't have an open door policy, they DID have an open door policy, but I still didn't want my parents knowing what I was doing. I don't feel that my father letting us have alcohol with him helped me learn about alcohol.

I will talk to my kids about alcohol and it's effects, why they should not drink underage and the consequences it will have. I also will be having conversations about what their thoughts on alcohol are, and parent them to help them make the right decision. I am not going to allow them to illegally drink with me just so I can "teach" them about alcohol.

drewiekc · December 2010

Violet_McPurpleson:

This is going to be flameful, but I think I will handle it in much the same way my parents did. My parents knew I drank at parties, but I had a strict curfew, they always knew where I was and who I was with, and there was absolutely no drinking and driving.

Because of the freedom they gave me I never had to lie to them. I really was where I said I was and I always got home on time, because I didn't want to be grounded the next weekend. There were multiple times where I felt uncomfortable about what was going on at a party, or where the DD was irresponsible and drank and I would call them to come and get me.

I was allowed to have a beer or a glass of wine occasionally at home, but just one and with dinner. My house was never the party house or anything like that either.

I feel like this approach took the taboo and rebelliousness out of drinking. I didn't have to sneak around and I didn't go crazy with freedom once I was in college.

I very well may change my mind about this. I really don't have a clue about raising a teenager.

This is pretty much how I was raised, and how we will most likely handle it once she gets older.

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When LO gets much older (HS age), what will be your stand on drinking?

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