Do you use the word "Miscarriage"?

inlovewithB · December 2010

I noticed someone else mentioned this in a post earlier today. I cannot bring myself to say "I had a miscarriage". The word just doesn't seem descriptive enough to describe what I went through. When people ask us why we are putting an addition of two bedrooms onto our house (I get this questions 10 times a day with all the workers around here), I will say "I was pregnant when we started the addition, but we lost the baby".

damabo80 · December 2010

I'll refer to the latest loss as a miscarriage, but for the first loss, I'll say "loss", because m/c isn't a very accurate description of what it was. I don't know how holier than thou the person is going to get on me, so I don't want to tell them it was a termination.

Sometimes, I'll just say I had two losses.

psumel13 · December 2010

I dont say it either! I thought I was the only one. I always say I lost the baby. Which if you think about it is a weird thing, because we didnt "lose" our babies. We knew where they were, but they were already gone! I really hate thinking about this. I wish my little boy was still growing inside of me!

Jo&Matt6609 · December 2010

It depends on who I'm talking to. I have said it both ways though; either "I had a miscarriage", or "I lost the pregnancy/baby". However, more often than not, I will use "miscarriage".

tlcW0714 · December 2010

I didn't have a miscarriage, but I will never say my baby d***. I can never bring myself to say that word. I say the same as you, "We lost her". It makes me cringe when people say that word now. I can't say it all.

emeraudecephiro · December 2010

I will sometimes, but most of time I say "loss" because it is less painful.

nikki04vb · December 2010

I didn't even realize I was doing it... but I always say "we lost the baby." I never use that word.

jen629 · December 2010

hmmm no one asks me so I guess I don't really say anything Sad

Tapatio · December 2010

emeraudecephiro:
I will sometimes, but most of time I say "loss" because it is less painful.

I say "loss" as well.

BabyTrippin · December 2010

I don't know that I every say miscarriage out loud in relation to my loss. When I am asked, I'll say "We lost the baby" or "it didn't work out." In some small way saying "I had a miscarriage" feels like I should/could have done something to prevent it.

ravenorchid · December 2010

I don't use the word, but that's partly because after 20 weeks it's usually considered a stillbirth so we were right on the cusp. I know miscarriage is just a word, but I also feel like people hear it and don't realize that I delivered our baby. It also almost sounds like it's the mother's fault - we carried wrongly...So yeah, I don't use the term. I usually say we lost the baby.

inlovewithB · December 2010

I have the utmost respect for those of you that gave birth to your little ones. I can't even imagine going through what is your reality big fat (((hugs))).

I agree that miscarriage sounds like it was the Mother's fault and actually had someone tell me that the reason my baby died was because I had so many early ultrasounds. I almost punched her in the face.

inlovewithB · December 2010

I have the utmost respect for those of you that gave birth to your little ones. I can't even imagine going through what is your reality big fat (((hugs))).

I agree that miscarriage sounds like it was the Mother's fault and actually had someone tell me that the reason we lost our baby was because I had so many early ultrasounds. I almost punched her in the face.

inlovewithB · December 2010

Sorry for the duplicate post. I tried to stop the first one from posting and remove the word d*** out of respect for ~tlcW0714~, but I guess I didn't hit the stop button fast enough.

Laurakat81 · December 2010

I hate the word miscarriage. You're right it doesn't begin to describe what we went through. I will sometimes say it but typically I refer to it as losing the babies. I think to me miscarriage says to people that it wasn't really a baby, that it was just a thing, some tissue, whatever. But when you say that you lost a baby it tells the world that it was a baby! And to me that is important. They were my babies.

jenniann87 · December 2010

I didnt have a miscarriage, but I dont say that my baby was stillborn or died. I just cant bring myself to it. I instead say that we lost the baby.

Fififa21 · December 2010

I?m with Jen...not a lot of people ask me, but when they do, I use both ?loss? and ?miscarriage?.

Gummybear · December 2010

I do not. I know I technically did have one, to me, it was different than that. It was later on, there was no blood or spotting or any indication that anything was wrong. His heart just stopped. I say, "When we lost the baby", "When the baby died" and "When our son passed away".

tlcW0714 · December 2010

inlovewithB:
Sorry for the duplicate post. I tried to stop the first one from posting and remove the word d*** out of respect for ~tlcW0714~, but I guess I didn't hit the stop button fast enough.

Don't worry about that!! But thank you for the thought!! Thats just my personal sensitivity.

andria324 · December 2010

I am very sorry that this is your reply. No one asks me either, but I suppose it is a hard topic to discuss.

ravenorchid · December 2010

inlovewithB:
I have the utmost respect for those of you that gave birth to your little ones. I can't even imagine going through what is your reality big fat (((hugs))).
I agree that miscarriage sounds like it was the Mother's fault and actually had someone tell me that the reason we lost our baby was because I had so many early ultrasounds. I almost punched her in the face.

I'm so sorry you had to hear that. Now I want to punch that biatch.

stillwaiting12 · December 2010

I never really know what to say! I didn't have a miscarriage since my baby was born alive and lived for 30 minutes, I always just kind of stumble around and say that we lost our daughter, or try to avoid talking about it at all because even now I can't talk about her without crying.

christineandaaron · December 2010

i think i use both miscarriage and loss when talking to people. it usually depends on who i'm talking to and how personal i want to get.

jmckeag · December 2010

Ooo, this is a good question, I am SO glad you asked, and so glad so many people responded. I struggle with this myself. I am hesitant to say "I had a miscarriage", but for some reason feel more comfortable saying "I miscarried". I know they are essentially the same thing, but the word "miscarriage" is just like nails on a chalk board to me.

Jo&Matt6609 · December 2010

inlovewithB:
I have the utmost respect for those of you that gave birth to your little ones. I can't even imagine going through what is your reality big fat (((hugs))).
I agree that miscarriage sounds like it was the Mother's fault and actually had someone tell me that the reason my baby died was because I had so many early ultrasounds. I almost punched her in the face.

Ugh, seriously!? People need to be educated. Ultrasounds DO NOT cause miscarriages. And yes, that goes for the transvaginal ultrasounds as well. No, they don't go up into your uterus and harm your baby. I really do hate ignorant people.. Sorry they said that to you ::hugs::

millejj1 · December 2010

I'm tardy to the party but I'm so glad you posted this! I brought it up in the How are you clicky poll and am SO glad to know that I'm not the only one.

I don't talk about it much with people IRL since not many know and we're keeping it mostly to ourselves, but when I do talk about it I can't seem to say I had a miscarriage. Partly because it doesn't describe the whole process, there is so much more to it, and partly because it makes me feel like I did something wrong.

When I do talk about it, I either refer to it as the Springtime disaster, or that we lost a baby. I don't really like saying we lost a baby because that sounds like you just put it down and can't find it again. The farther I get from it and the better I am doing the more able I am to say it out loud though.

sisterrael · December 2010

My husband told the people who needed to know, including my boss and my parents. I don't use that word because I do not talk about it to people I know IRL. I think I can discuss it here because I don't have to see your facial reactions or because I don't know you well or because I don't actually speak it aloud. But in my daily life, I avoid the issue entirely. The people around me just followed my lead.

This is probably not the healthiest way to deal, now that I think about it.

anonomity · December 2010

Not very often. I usually say "loss" but sometimes I will use "miscarriage" depending on the setting (i.e. talking to my doctor).

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