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Stay at Home Moms
BFab11
member
Why did you want to SAH?
BFab11
member
What was your main reason?
I wanted to keep my kids out of daycare (I was in daycare until my mom decided to SAH when I was 2; prior to her leaving her job I was constantly sick).
But my main reason is I want to be "that mom," the one who has snacks ready when the kids come home from school, and all their friends want to come to my house after school, and who makes my kids' costumes for the school play, volunteers in the classroom, coaches the sports team, etc.
What about you?
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Re: Why did you want to SAH?
I always knew I wanted to for at least the first couple years.
Then, when we found out it was twins there was no question. The cost of childcare way outdid what I was making.
When I was 12, I told my grandma that I wanted to be a "professional mommy" when I grew up. I guess you could say that I always wanted to SAH.
Seriously, though, I've worked in too many daycares to want my kid in one. There are other reasons, too, but I would be flamed ridiculously if I admitted any of them.
Because DS#1 was getting older and I was thinking about school for him, my crazy work hours, DH's crazy work hours, and the fact that I have no relatives here to help out and the fact that they were going to be in daycare just too long for my comfort level. I actually have no problem with daycare and wish they could go a little bit, but with me working and DH's crazy hours, they were going to be in daycare a SOLID 45hrs a week. Then I kept thinking about when they would go to school and with our schedule at the time, that would mean that two days a week, we would see them in the morning and then not see them again until almost 10pm at night. So not ok with that. They can't be in school all day, and then go to daycare from 3-9:30pm ish!! I wasn't finding any other job with better hours that was worth it to pay for daycare, so I quit.
I do *kinda* want to be *that* mom. I want to bake and help out in the classroom....but I'm not so sure about the sewing and hosting their friend's after school!
hehe
Cam 6.6.10 - Autism, Global Developmental Delay, Mixed Receptive/Expressive Communication Disorder
Tell me, tell me!
I wanted to because my mom did and I loved having her there when I came home from school
Even though I was pretty sure I wanted to, H and I discussed it a lot, before we ever got pg. He 100% wanted me to, but said he would support whatever I wanted - his priority was making sure I was happy in whatever we decided
I didn't make any final decisions until it was almost time to go back to work and I am glad I didn't commit to anything until then.
I have to say that I am blown away by some of the stories about unsupportive H's on this board. It is a huge decision to decide to SAH - one I would never make without my H being totally on board and a system of responsibilities that works for both of us
DS 3.12.08
DD 7.11.09
DD 8.01.13
I never even considered being a SAHM. I always thought I would be a career woman with MAYBE one kid. As soon as I got my surprise BFP with DS, my mindset changed dramatically. Unfortunately, I had to go back to work due to financial issues, and am so happy to be home with him now.
I can't really pin point why I chose to be a SAHM, I just knew in my heart it was the right thing to do. DS has become a much more well-behaved and happy child since I stopped working 2 1/2 months ago. He still goes to preschool 2 mornings a week, mostly because he loves it there so much, he just wasn't doing as well being there 9+ hours a day. I also want to be "that mom"! I know this is the right thing for our family, and DH is really happy as well. It's a win-win for everyone!
DS#1 - 6.11.08
DS#2 - 9.1.11
DS was in two daycares, one in home and one center, between 2 and 10.5 months. At the first one, he was there maybe 8 weeks. I walked in one day to find the dcp sitting in a chair watching Dr. Phil while she tried to shove a pacifier into my screaming child's mouth. We started looking for another place immediately. The center he was in we loved for about 5 months, until they switched him to the crawler room. DS is allergic to milk, and the teacher kept giving him another child's bottles that were normal formula. He got very sick from it to the point of vomiting in his sleep in the middle of the night. After that whole incidence, we looked for a way for me to stay home.
I actually had no intention of staying home when we started out, and probably still would be working had we had better luck with daycare. Now that I am home, though, I love it and can't even think about going back.
Noel - August 2010
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A lot of reasons...
Not the least of which was that I took a year leave of absence and my DD got Rotovirus at 8 months. She lost the ability to sit up among other things. It took her a month to get over it and it was recommended that she not go to daycare after that to make up for all she lost. It took her about 9 months to get past that setback. I was not sure I could trust a nanny with a child who did not talk. I know lots of nannies now and can say that their are some I would trust, and some I would not, but not until I got to know them on a casual basis would I feel comfortable. The best resume is not always the best nanny.
I also wanted to stay home because I looked around at my peers and realized, not one of them with kids had a wife that worked. The women were either childless or had kids in college or had their parents living with them to do childcare. I worked in daycare as a teen and can say that the kids who were in daycare as much as my kids would have been were sad by the time they were four. Daycare works for a lot of couples, including my BFF, but it doesn't work for 50+ hours a week (which was pretty much our minimum with our jobs), and when you hit 60 hours, you might as well employ your own therapist.
Oh, and I adore the time I get to spend with my kids. I am not the best mom, the mom who does all the right things, or the mom whose little girl will nominate for most fabulous, or DH will say is the best cook, cleaner, ect, but I love every single day I get to spend doing this.
YGPM
1) I realized that my husband wasn't going to work any less ever, despite his promises.
2) I realized that the world wasn't going to end if I quit my job (this took a lot of getting used to).
3) The girl who took over in the 2's room at daycare had ADD and refused to treat it. I didn't want to go through another daycare switch.
4) I was getting frustrated with an increasing workload and complete inflexibility at my own job.
5) My kids are really cute, and I wanted to see them more.
I have never had any desire to be "that mom." I enjoy baking cookies, but my mom worked, and I really liked playing at my friend's houses after school or going to latch key and learning to knit and play basketball. It wasn't that I hated being a working mom, it was just getting increasingly apparent that what DH and I were trying to do wasn't working.
A few reasons:
1) We got a surprise BFP, and daycare waiting lists in this town are like 2 years long! No thanks.
2) The years that I was in an in-home daycare were very tough on my parents - they had extremely different values from the provider (an amazing woman), and would get very upset when I'd come home repeating things she'd said. DH and I had apprehension about that same lack of control over shaping our kids' values in their very young years.
3) I worked in an *extremely* mommy-unfriendly company/industry. There were many signs that working and being a mom wasn't going to work out, but the kicker was when it was hinted I should schedule a C-section at 34 weeks and take a truncated maternity leave to better accomodate a project deadline.
In respect to #3, I don't necessarily feel like it was a choice. But in retrospect, it really is the best thing for our family and I'm looking forward to the "Mommy to outside babies" part of my life.
Tell me, too! I will most likely 100% agree with you but don't want my posts to get copied to another board and flamed. (Which has happened and led to some really nasty remarks towards me.)
Ditto! I love raw, honest people.
And hate the people who are soo quick to attack SAHMs (likely out of jealousy) or those who make different decisions.
This exactly! And I didn't want to miss anything, first word, steps, etc. Plus DH is active duty and we're always moving or he is going on missions, to the field, and/or deploying. We really wanted DD to have one constant thing in her life that she can depend on and that never changes.
While I had never planned to be a SAHW/SAHM, it truly just fell into my lap when I left my Auditing career unsatisfied and underpaid, it has turned out to be wonderful. I, too find so much fulfillment in homemaking and the flexibility of not reporting to a boss. I've been home 5 years and can't see myself returning to work.
eclaire 9.10.06 diggy 6.2.11
Because it felt right. Just felt like a good decision for our family.
Also I had a job where I worked 12 hour days and it wasn't good for family life.
we knew before getting married that when/if we had 2 kids i could do the stay at home thing. why--lots of reasons. i use to work with delinquent youth--think those kids who have records at 13, skip school, have no one keeping an eye on them etc. granted staying at home can't necessarily avoid those things but i am a firm believer in a solid family core and supervision early on. my husband and i said that our kids would have the supervision when at home--so even if working one of us would be here in the morning and at one in the evening (before school/after school).
i also got really tired of "parenting" other people's children as well as the parents
it was tough and draining and hard to change habits/behaviors.
nice to be the one to watch my children growing up and changing versus a daycare person telling us about those things. my dd did daycare for almost 3 years--it was great for her socially. and i'm sure i'll have to work to get that social aspect for my son-but group outings etc help. i also am getting the chance to formulate their interest in the world and learning etc.
This! I told numerous people when I was young I wanted to be a Mommy!
I like your honesty.
I SAH but have thought many times about going back to work. It wouldn't be the best choice for our family though. Since DD#1 was 12 months old and DD#2 was 4 months old, my children have always participated in some sort of childcare program for several hours a week and it's the way I keep myself sane. We started with an MDO program and then moved into preschool.
For the most part I'm glad we made the choice that I would SAH. I like the flexibility and enjoy being with my kids. But I miss having an adult life that includes the structure of a job and work.
I'm sure I'll go back to work when the girls are older, but for right now it's nice to spend this much time with them, take them places, watch them play outside in the afternoons with their friends, et cetera.
So many reasons! I had always thought I would stay home full-time until LOs were in elementary school and then probably start my own business. I loved my career and enjoy the satisfaction of accomplishing projects. There are times when I can get bogged down by the day to day tasks of SAHM esp when it is -2 outside and we are housebound! I would still like to have my own business some day but I keep pushing it back to "when they are in high school" or "when they are out of the house at college" so we will see! DH is supportive of whatever makes me happy but he loves that I SAHM. His mom worked most of his childhood and although she was a great mom he has told me numerous times "I love how present you are with DD and wish my mom would have been around more."
My mom was a SAHM and was very open with me when I was PG about the challenges and rewards. Plus, I was a nanny in college to a toddler and a newborn so I didn't go into SAH with a puppies and rainbows attitude.
m/c at 13 weeks - March 23, 2011
I didn't want to put my kids in daycare. Couldn't stand the thought of it. I planned on taking 6 months off when I had DD and going back to work and every minute of those 6 months until I decided I was quitting for good, made me sick to my stomach.
I think this is probably flame-worthy but if everyone else is being blunt then I will be. I grew up with my mom SAH and my parents were very pro-SAH. I always knew I would want to SAH if possible. I agree with the idea of doing whatever you have to to be able to SAH. I think it's much better for kids when they can stay home with a parent.
If someone has to work and has no other choice, I don't blame them for putting their kids in daycare but I just never understood the parents who actually WANT to work after having kids. I get the wanting to get out of the house and sometimes being home just drives you crazy, but I know that if I was at work fulfilling this I would still have my LOs on the back of my mind all day. I just can't imagine NOT knowing what my kids are doing each day.