Is your SO sufficient alone with LO?

nurseBrooke · December 2010

I've recently started back to work full time. Before I'd work a few hours a week and when inwas gone I'd have meals for DH and DS. I don't have time for that anymore. I work 3 12 hour shifts and one my second or third day in a row don't feel like making extra meals for them. Does your SO prepare meals for your LO? Last weekend DH gave DS doughnuts and grilled cheese all weekend. We've always been more healthy than that. I asked DH what he wanted from the store for the next few days and he said he didn't know. He wants whatever I'd have. Well that was in the house last weekend. He wants a list of breakfast foods. This may not seem like a big request but I do so much around the house already. He should know what qualifies as a breakfast food an lunch, etc. Is my DH the only one? What can I do to get him more self sufficient? I'm tired of coming home to a wide eyed, sugar rush child in a trashed house! We are having a heart to heart before I go to work tomorrow!

TSD · December 2010

I do all the food shopping but MH knows what to feed our son. Give him a paper of choices for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Not telling him exactly what to feed him, but a bunch of acceptable choices so he has an idea but can still take control. Or whatever- some guys want to be told what to do in this area because they don't think it's a big deal but would do whatever you want. Maybe you shouldn't "have" to give him a list, but once you do it, it's done, and the end result is that you're happy with what you're kid is eating and yh is happy with having a guideline. Some things are not worth the fight.

ashdonne · December 2010

I feel for you. I struggle with this with DH as well. We both work full time and I pretty much do everything for DD too. I feed her, change her, get clothes ready, laundry, baths every night etc. DH is off on Thursdays and yet most everytime I take DD to daycare on Thursday morning just like any other. Also I am primarily the one to pick up and drop off every day which of course makes my day longer. If DH feeds DD, he always has to ask what to give her. Before she was on all solids, if he was watching her for more than a couple hours I had to write out her schedule for him. I absolutely think this is ridiculous because he is her father, not a babysitter but its hard to know what to do because obviously you want to do the best thing for your child. I get so frustrated and annoyed with it sometimes. Sometimes he will even call on his way home from work and say he is going to go have a couple beers with the guys...of course he never asks if I am ok watching DD by myself because he knows that I am. But if I ever was going to do something like that I feel the need to tell him in advance and make sure he knew what to do to care for her. Just writing this post is making me irritated all over again!!

amandopolis · December 2010

My DH is pitiful at meal planning. If left to feed himself he would eat ramen, hummus, and plain pasta every day. While I think he *should* be able to put together a healthy meal for our child, he can't, so I made him a list of foods for every meal.

megsaw · December 2010

i leave easy things for dh.. i work 2 12hr days durring the week and every other weekend.. so dh has the kiddos for 25hrs every other weekend. he used to be clueless but now he's better. i leave a lot of options, like yogurt, veggie pouches, veggie raviolis, lunch meat, rasins, cheerios, banannas, apples, cheese and breakfast bars. i hate that he is eating all the packaged foods but it's only 3 days/week and it's better than whatever "meal" dh would provide.

Boston2Bermuda · December 2010

I am very lucky because my DH is great with the kids. I definitely learned two things along the way though...

#1 He and I do things differently and that's okay.

I used to want him to do it my way (the right way!) but when I took a step back I realized my kids were not in any harm if they ate 4 cookies instead of 2 or their naptime routine started 15 minutes later than usual or they wore orange pants and a yellow t shirt. This took me a ond time to digest but when I did, I was less snippy, my DH was involved, and my kids were happy to have daddy time.

#2 He needed precise instructions in the beginning.

I think I was mistaken in thinking my husband just knew what to do in the beginning. I grew up around kids, babysat my whole life, and was more independent overall throughout college etc. My MIL did all my husband's laundry until we moved in together at age 28!!! Anyway, in the beginning I had to say, "Dress them in layers with a onesie because it's cold out" or "burp him every 2 ounces so he doesn't spit up". After those initial tips, he was fine but sometimes they just do not know.

I am off to NYC for four days for a girls' weekend and my DH will be staying home with the kiddos and I am not concerned. The will have fun and make memories and when I get home, if the house is a bit messy, I will let me DH know that the kids are required to pick up after themselves.

C.Mo · December 2010

I'm sorry you're dealing with that. BUT, your DH really needs to step up and LEARN what your LO needs for a healthy meal. It's not that difficult. Are you just supposed to feed your DS by yourself forever to make sure he eats right?

Sage Mommy · December 2010

DH is lucky that my 12 y/o DD can cook. That's all I'm going to say:)

healthynut · December 2010

If I'm gone for the day or mealtime, I still leave a list or tell DH what's available for meals. He uses his own discretion as to what is a breakfast food, lunch food, etc. I always keep a large bowl of cooked veggies in the fridge (originally frozen) and veggieburgers in the fridge. That and tell him to cut up fruit. This way they eat a healthy meal. If left to his own devices, I , think DH would do okay but they'd end up eating cereal for every meal.

buboo · December 2010

Yes, completely. DH is a grown man and I trust him with meals and everything else that comes with being a parent to LO:)

smilelari · December 2010

DH has never been very into food in general. He's sufficient in the sens that he packs the daycare bag, feeds LO, does bath and bed time, etc, but he doesn't really cook. But, I do all the meal planning and we never cook every night. So, I can plan things so that DH is alone with LO on the second (or third) night of something I prepared, which is generally what we do. If needed, I can pick one of the more simple meals for him to cook. I tell him what dinner is that night and he cooks. Breakfast, he would stick to what he knows. Probably something along the lines of cereal and yogurt.

stellasmommy · December 2010

DH has gotten a lot better. we both work FT, and travel to and from work together, so it's not often that he's alone w/ DD. last week he had a day off work, and stayed home w/DD. i had to leave him a basic schedule of when to feed her, and what to feed her, but i know he asked for it more out of his lack of confidence, more than him not knowing what to do. he knows what DD will eat for breakfast, i gave him options for lunch and dinner. he just really was a little clueless about when to give her lunch and her snacks. overall, he did great, they had a great time together, and i have zero worries about him taking care of her all day long. he just needs to build up his confidence.

macchiatto · December 2010

Overall, yes. but I have a detailed list of instructions on the fridge for baby-sitters to refer to or in case of emergency (which really came in handy when my sister had to watch Will with little warning when we were in the hospital with Alex; I highly recommend it!) that includes their daily schedule, what foods they typically eat, food allergy information, bedtime routine and emergency numbers. So he could cheat if he really wanted to.

He feeds them breakfast on his own 5 days a week though and sometimes does lunch (rarely dinner) if I'm running errands on the weekend or when I occasionally do a WAH job. He's always been very involved in childcare, and until about a year ago, he did all the cooking, so he's pretty good with that stuff.

There are still always things that come up that I'm surprised he didn't know or think about, but whatevs.

luvdv8 · December 2010

Boston2Bermuda:
#1 He and I do things differently and that's okay.
I used to want him to do it my way (the right way!) but when I took a step back I realized my kids were not in any harm if they ate 4 cookies instead of 2 or their naptime routine started 15 minutes later than usual or they wore orange pants and a yellow t shirt. This took me a ond time to digest but when I did, I was less snippy, my DH was involved, and my kids were happy to have daddy time.

This EXACTLY!!! When DH is home with DD the "other" things don't get done (laundry, dishes, etc.) and she eats more frozen waffles then I would like, but there are lots of things that DH does do with her that I would not- I'm not an outdoorsy type so she gets a lot more exposure to sports when she's with her dad.

No, we don't want our kids eating garbage full time, but Hs do things differently. If you come home and ask what DD had to eat and he says something healthy, praise him and let him know that's a GREAT meal. If there's nothing healthy maybe ask him if he could start doing a banana or something while he preps her meal so that we know there's a fruit in there. DH an I have an agreement that so long as a meal has two to three food groups in it then it's a win and we aim to hit all the targets throughout the day- maybe put up the food pyramid on the fridge for him as a reminder?

In the end he's not going to kill your LO and you are there to balance it all out. I would focus on all the great things he does do and try to appreciate his parenting skills in other areas.

JoLiz · December 2010

he is now... he lost his job 3 or 4 weeks ago.. so he has been home with LO. feeding her has never really been an issue.. we all eat fairly healthy all the time and have little junk food in the house, so really anything he finds for her is usually pretty good... He is funny about the food pyramid! He tries!

Clothing

Mrs.Hizzo · December 2010

DH is awful at planning meals for the kids. He doesn't have to feed them very often, but when he does, I give him a menu(s). He's so relieved when I do this. It would get irritating having to do that day in and day out, though.

JoLiz · December 2010

clothing is a different story... DH told me last night "did you see I spun a load of laundry?" (Like I should reward him.... my heart sank and i immediately run to the laundry room to see what he's ruined, to my surprise he had everything under control.. big sigh!)

if Dh and LO are going somewhere... like today they are going to the library, DH asks me to pick out LO's outfit. I'd prefer that anyways...I also pack the diaper bag. But I think he could do that now if he needed to.

caitlet425 · December 2010

buboo:
Yes, completely. DH is a grown man and I trust him with meals and everything else that comes with being a parent to LO:)

I had to get over myself to get to this point, but I think I am finally getting there. Besides, DS is his child too and if gives him something he shouldn't have like too much sugar or he gets him to bed late, then he also can deal with the aftermath, I really had to work very hard to stop trying to control everything.

Jen748 · December 2010

DH has been home alone with DD part time (he works 24 hour shift every 3rd day) since I went back to work when DD was 6 weeks old. He does great with her...he is her other parent and views his job as such.

emmared1986 · December 2010

Boston2Bermuda:

I am off to NYC for four days for a girls' weekend and my DH will be staying home with the kiddos and I am not concerned. The will have fun and make memories and when I get home, if the house is a bit messy, I will let me DH know that the kids are required to pick up after themselves.

Glad your 4 month old knows he is required to pick up after himself.

dragonsmercy · December 2010

DH used to have full-time care of Evelyn while I was working and he wasn't. I'd constantly have to make suggestions as to what to give Evelyn to eat, and ask him about what he's doing with her, her naps, etc... Kinda drove me nuts that he wouldn't think of any of this stuff on his own. She wasn't getting enough solids at all to even start to consider transitioning her off formula. Now that I'm home, he's actually starting to figure it out, and ask if he should make stuff for her, etc.

AfterAll · December 2010

TSD:
I do all the food shopping but MH knows what to feed our son. Give him a paper of choices for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Not telling him exactly what to feed him, but a bunch of acceptable choices so he has an idea but can still take control. Or whatever- some guys want to be told what to do in this area because they don't think it's a big deal but would do whatever you want. Maybe you shouldn't "have" to give him a list, but once you do it, it's done, and the end result is that you're happy with what you're kid is eating and yh is happy with having a guideline. Some things are not worth the fight.

This. I usually mention what we have in the fridge/freezer that may be good for dinner before I head out the door. DH is just not as good as multitasking as I am, so having to think about and make a meal, would not go well... if I give him ideas and choices ahead of time, he is appreciative.

It is hard to give up control sometimes, but really, who am I to say what is right and wrong as far as raising OUR son? If he wants to do something differently than I do it, that is fine... I can offer suggestions since I am with him most often, but at the end of the day, DH is his parent too, and gets to make decisions for him.

gumiberg · December 2010

in regards to food, i leave instructions. my DH is clueless (he does all the finance stuff in our house, and i do all the nutrition - it works for us). without instructions, his default food is cheerios. lots and lots of cheerios.

but that is a small thing, IMO. my DH is totally compentant about the big stuff, like safety. I feel comfortable with him on his own.

sarrahs · December 2010

Boston2Bermuda:

#1 He and I do things differently and that's okay.

I used to want him to do it my way (the right way!) but when I took a step back I realized my kids were not in any harm if they ate 4 cookies instead of 2 or their naptime routine started 15 minutes later than usual or they wore orange pants and a yellow t shirt. This took me a ond time to digest but when I did, I was less snippy, my DH was involved, and my kids were happy to have daddy time.

This all the way. As long as your kids aren't in danger, it does not matter. We do not have to be controlling just because we're moms. Sure, we might have a completely different way of doing something than our husbands, but my DH is as much of a parent to my son as I am - so I let him be that way. If there is something that is really bothering me, we talk about it and come to an agreeable solution. Our children will always know that their mom is a bit more high strung about things than their dad (although I really try not to be!). Oh well.

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