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Two Under 2
Concerned about DS
DH and I really want DS and future baby #2 to be close in age. We are both only children and want two children, not to mention we want DS to have a companion. We were going to wait until Jan/Feb to start trying but we got a little excited and now we aren't "preventing" it. Anyways I know I will love how close my kids are in age when they are older (if we get lucky enough to have them close) but DS will still be a baby himself in the beginning. So will he adjust and get all the love he needs? Tell me about your 2U2.
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Re: Concerned about DS
I can't speak to my children's experience yet since #2 isn't here yet. But I can tell you that my sister and I are 18 months apart. We were very close as kids and still are. I always had someone to play with (my dad was in the military and we moved several times). I grew up with a very clear sense of fairness that I attribute to having a sister so close in age. We always shared our toys and we understood that we needed to treat each other fairly if we expected to be treated fairly in return. I don't remember being an only child, but I don't consider that a bad thing.
I only hope my boys have as good of a relationship as my sister and I do.
SURE he will! You'll learn to care for them both at the same time. You'll learn tricks to give him extra TLC when you sense he's needing it.
He'll have zero memory of being an only child. My oldest can't remember a time when he didn't have his bro.
And.. it's 100% natural to be concerned about the one you already have and how it will impact him.
He's what you do/love/care for/think about 24/7 right now. I spent my pregnancy really concerned about how it would impact the toddler. I cried on my way to my scheduled c-section thinking my days of just me and my bud were behind me but I was WRONG. I still have plenty of special times alone with my oldest! Our relationship is as strong as ever.
They put that baby in my arms and my heart doubled in size. Now I'm concerned for them equally. You find a way to balance their needs (often at the expense of your own in the beginning).
There will be tough times but again - he won't remember them. Dylan doesn't remember Mommy being so huge pregnant that she didn't want to go to the park. He doesn't remember me being so sleep deprived that my patience was at an all time low. He doesn't remember and didn't realize that I didn't take him to story time because I just couldn't pull it together enough to get us all out of the house on time.
Now? We're only a few years in and we're facing a LIFE time of rewards for having them so close in comparison to a few years of rough patches that neither of them will have any memory of.
Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
In short, yes. I'm able to love both kids equally. Yes, DD does sometimes have to wait a few minutes while I change DS's diaper or feed him, but then I put him down and pick her up. Yes, it's exhausting. Yes, sometimes I DO take a second for myself at "their" expense (meaning when I am the one taking care of them and need a second to myself while they are safe and occupied). But that would happen just the same way with one child.
I didn't plan to have two so close together, and honestly, if I were being selfish and I had to do it over again, I would space them apart further. If I'm not being selfish, though, I would in a heartbeat, for DD's sake. It keeps getting easier and easier and easier, and DD has a built in playmate. They already love each other so much and it's so fun to see them interact.
Sorry for rambling, but again, short answer is yes, you will have love, time, etc for both children.