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s/o presents for IL's - other adults?

pahokiepahokie
in Parenting after 35

When or how do you gracefully transition to limited gift giving for the adults and focus on the children?  My side still exchanges between my parents, siblings, and SOs.  My youngest sibling is 32 and about to become a parent. 

We shop off of wish lists, so it is nice to get things we want and it is fun to open gifts, but it feels kind of silly because most of us can afford to buy whatever we need and most of what we want anyway.

We have DD and are TTC #2, and SIL (my brother's wife)  is expecting their first in May. Sister (so far) has no plans to have children. She is the one who gets the most excited about gifting and getting, but her birthday is three days after Christmas, so we can easily load her up with gifts then (especially if we spent less on Christmas).

Obviously things won't change this year, but I am thinking ahead to next year.

Should I say "Feel free to reduce or eliminate your spending on DH and I and focus on the little ones" or

Should I suggest a Secret Santa exchange where we each pull one name (or one couple) and have a set dollar amount to spend?

Or something else?

Most likely I will just bring up these two suggestions with my family this year so we can talk about it, but I want to make sure I'm not missing a major flaw with these suggestions or skipping another genius idea.

I know this should be a clicky poll, but I can never get those to work. And thanks for all that reading if you made it this far!

DD1 is 3, DD2 is 1.
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Re: s/o presents for IL's - other adults?

  • vanverthvanverth
    The direct way.  My brother, after Michael was born, suggested that we just have the kids exchange gifts.  Worked for me and cut our budget down for gifts.  My husband for his friends and family, would never hear of cutting out buying Christmas presents.  Christmas is his favorite holiday and the biggest one in his family.  He has memories of his father saving all year to go to the big department store in Parkersburg, WV, pull out a wad of 100 dollar bills (big money in the 70's) and have the clerks pull out items that they had been holding back for his mother and his father buying them for her for Christmas.  I also could never do this with my mother.  At Christmas, she can not control herself. 
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  • PeskyPesky member
    Depends on what you want to do.  I knew my sister and brother each didn't have a lot of money and had their own families to worry about.  I was best able to afford Christmas presents and honestly, once I married into DH's family, it all added up and was beginning to be a bit of a strain.  So I just suggested to them both (separately) that we forego giving each other gifts altogether and could give little things if we wanted but it was not an obligation.  Both readily agreed and that is what we have done.  For DH's family, I suggested one year that we do a Secret Santa pull instead of each getting gifts and well, you would've thought I suggested they go hock themselves on the street corner.  What is funny is although they all vociferously panned the idea, most have come around  now and it will be proposed again for next year.  I would NOT offer to have them not spend on you without making sure it was reciprocal (i.e. don't let them think they can not get you a present but still expect a gift from you -- that doesn't exactly achieve your goal).


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    DD -- 5YO
    DS -- 3YO

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  • superauntsuperaunt member

    UGH, this is truly a subject that makes me really dislike Christmas. To me, it's ALWAYS been about the kids - even when I was childless. Yet for years and years and years, the obligation to buy real gifts (aside from baked goods or something super small) for everyone was the norm. GAG ME.

    Several years back we all tried doing the pull a name, shop for that person, not going over X amount. It worked well. Then my grandfather died two months before Xmas the following year and, well, Xmas gifting was the last thing on most everyone's mind. That was 5 years ago. And since nobody wanted to revisit, people just sort of did their own thing... or at least I did.

    I only buy and give gifts for children under 16. Period. And I set that limit to like $10-20 max a kid. Everyone else gets some cookies or a card or both or something small (I think I did small ornaments one year). I've been doing it for five years, I won't stop. It's just too expensive any other way and it should be about the kids anyway. JMO.

    I would just put your suggestions out there but not as a suggestion but rather as a "this is what I'm doing next year" kind of thing.

    OMG I'm so sorry for the novella.

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  • M.AmyM.Amy member

    When I still lived near my family we did a Secret Santa and I hated it.  I always got an uncle or cousin I only saw once a year. The spending limit was $50 and we would exchange gift cards. How impersonal!!

    I finally said I didn't want any part of it and would just give gifts to the children. It caused a huge stink at first but the following year everyone joined in and appreciated not having the expense.

    I recommended Secret Santa to our close friends - there are four couples that exchange gifts every year and I recommend to the wives that we do a Secret Santa - everyone was more than happy to participate. We went from giving six gifts to just two.

     

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