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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
bwralc
member
Almost 16 Months of No Sleep and I'm Exhausted...
bwralc
member
When we first had DD, I knew little ones didn't sleep through the night for awhile but not really having any small children in either DH's or my life, I never knew that at 16 months she would still not sleep through the night.
I feel bad to complain but I seriously never in my life heard anyone complain about not sleeping through the night beyond 6 months. I guess I was just naive. I am very attentive to DD and don't let her cry and I nursed until she was 1 year old.
Although I am seriously at my witts end. I NEED to start sleeping again to be a better mother and wife. We did try a month ago to do cry it out but she seemed to get more upset with me coming in at intervals. After trying for 2 days of coming in at intervals she started to fear her crib and we stopped.
Can anyone recommend a method, book or way to help DD start to self soothe. I'm not sure if Cry it out will work for us since she seemed to get more wound up vs relax.
Also please do not bash me. DD is nearly 16 months old and I am very attentive to her, I do not let her cry more than a matter of minutes before coming in and comforting her so if you have negative stuff to say about how I'm an awful parent please do not post. I'm already feeling like a failure already and don't need the negativity.
Thanks for any suggestions or things to try.
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Re: Almost 16 Months of No Sleep and I'm Exhausted...
All I can say is I am so sorry!!! You must be miserable.
What do you do when she wakes up at night? Is she eating? If so, the only thing I can think of is to feed her more during the day so she doesn't wake up hungry at night.
If she's waking up just looking for you, I have no idea.
***Nestie Bestie w/ TheDeatons***
At around 6 months, I let me my LO CIO. We tried an interval thing at first, but it didn't work. So we stopped, and then about a week or so later we tried just straight on CIO. He cried for 15 mins off and on and fell asleep.
Now we did it at 6 months because he was no longer taking bottles through the night (he dropped night bottles at 10 weeks) and was waking up 15+ times a night for weeks. We tried everything.
I would never come into a post of a sleep-deprived bumpie and bash them. it's the last thing anyone needs.
CIO does not work for everyone and I understand that. Have you tried giving her a transitional item to go to bed with so it triggers for her it's time to go bed and go to sleep? How do you put her down at night?
Not sure if cosleeping is an option for you. We cosleep and DD still wakes up once or so a night and nurses. Most times, I don't fully wake when she does.
One could argue she continues to wake out of habit, etc, but it is what works for us.
Prolonged sleep deprivation is so hard.
After especially tiring weeks, DH watches DD on a weekend morning so I can sleep in. I totally feel like a new person after doing so.
Can you work in a nap when you need until DD STTN?
GL
Before someone says something..DUE TO TEETHING lol
Is she asleep when you lay her down?
intervals only upset Jack more, but when I finally gave in and just let him cry, he eventually started sleeping more. Im not bashing you at all, hopefully it doesnt come across that way, but for you and your childs sake, you need to start getting some sleep! I know the feeling well.
Now that he does STTN, if there is an occasion that he wakes up crying in the middle of the night, I do go get him. For instance, he had a viral infection recently, so any time he cried I comforted him. So, I'm not suggesting that you never go get her, but I do think she is old enough to start learning to self soothe.
*hugs*
We are just at 13 months, so I don't have much advice. I really liked reading "No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. I really haven't done much of the techniques because we ended up co-sleeping (LO still nurses). I know it's not a quick fix, but it does have some good info. Mostly it helped me feel more comfortable with the sleep deprivation (as in it's ok for him to still wake up night). It's got pointers for all situations (not just nursing mommas).
Don't worry. Despite what you read on TB, it's normal for babies/toddlers to not STTN. Most of my friends have had children who either didn't STTN until older, like your LO, or had good sleepers who went to crap.
Ds didn't STTN the first time until 17 months. He only did it for a few months and then went back to waking. We tried the CIO, but it didn't work. It may work for some, but it isn't the magic bullet that some will claim (because you will get that here).
I do know that once ds' 1st year molars came through and we nightweaned, he slept much better. GL to you. It will get better.
You might as well get pregnant again... you're not going to sleep well for about 5 years...If your lucky you'll be able to sleep from the time your LO is 5 until about 15 then you're up again...darn teenagers!
This is the advise my Mom gave me! My DD sort of STTN - once in a while she will sleep all night... it is very rare. I go in and get her settled again... usually around 12:30. She needs help finding her teddy and her nuk.
GL to you!
Thanks for all of the kind words. As far as a routine we do have one. At 7:30 or close to it she starts to show tired signs like "tired talking" she makes MMmmm sounds and wants her paci. We bring her up to her bedroom turn on her sound machine, put on Pj's, give her her blankie (lovie), bring up a sippy of milk, read a story, brush teeth and then back to our chair where I rock her to sleep.
She falls asleep within 15 minutes. I lay her down asleep in her crib where she will sleep about 2 hours and then she wakes up screams bloody murder until I run to go get her to rock her back to sleep. Rinse and Repeat all night long.
I've tried cosleeping but it never worked for us. She always plays and hits me and makes a game out of it. I WISH we could cosleep.
I will check out a few of the books you ladies mentioned to see where I have gone wrong.
Ha my Mom just told me the opposite today. She said "Don't you DARE get pregnant again until this one STTN!" Ugh
The biggest thing for me was learning to lay him down sleepy but not asleep so that he learned to actually fall asleep in his crib
I think I love you!
"Wearing his BING CROSBY clothes and crooning...buuuh buuh buuuh"
I think I love you!
"Wearing his BING CROSBY clothes and crooning...buuuh buuh buuuh"
Jacob Alexander 7/23/09
Allergic to Dairy, Eggs and Peanuts
Jameson Adam 6/1/11
Allergic to Peas...so far
Dude, I'm the same way. No bashing from me! I just try to go to bed early enough that I have an hour or so to spare in the middle of the night and still get a decent amount of sleep, lol!
Have you ever tried letting her cry in her crib but with you sitting in the room? That's what I do with DS. It makes me feel better to know that he can see me and I'm right there and everything is fine. I just surf the netz on the laptop and retrieve DS's paci every time he tosses it overboard. He thinks that is funny and it becomes a game sometimes. If 10-15 minutes pass and he's still not happy, I will try rocking him for another 10-15 minutes. Then I will put him back and he's usually fine.
I haven't really done anything differently besides that and he's been pretty good about sleeping through the night in the last few nights. If anything, I will just need to replace his paci if he wakes up unhappy and can't find it and then I can go right back to sleep.
Worst case scenario; I have to sleep with him on the couch, lol. But that is rare. At least it allows us both to get some sleep. I don't really care how I have to do it but as long as I can get some sleep and don't have to let him CIO, then I'm happy. (Unless, of course, you consider him crying while I'm in the room CIO... then I do it but at least he can see me.)
Matthew Kevin
7/31/83-7/20/11
Met 1/8/00
Engaged 4/21/06
Married 9/29/07
Two beautiful legacies: Noah Matthew (2 yrs) and Chloe Marcella (8 mos)
Day Three
So did Jack, and I got to the point where I felt that letting him CIO was the only option. It is hard, and it is ultimately your decision, but it made a huge difference for us. It wasn't a magic wand by any means. We did this around 8 months, and he only started sleeping all the way from 7pm to 6am about a month ago, but the first night we did it he slept for four hours on his own, which was the longest he had EVER slept alone.
Just wanted to say that we are right there with you. DD wakes about every 1-2 hours every.single.night. Once in a blue moon we will have a night where she only wakes 2-3 times, and that constitutes a wonderful night at our house. I know some night waking is normal and would be totally fine with 2-3 times a night, but 5+ is just TOO much. Not to mention, I have been sick for a while (starting week 3 of a low grade fever) and I really think the lack of sleep is preventing me from getting better. It sucks.
We are not into CIO and I don't think it's right for DD. Like you said about your DD, she just gets more and more wound up if we try to let her cry. She can and does put herself to sleep in her crib, and that does nothing to keep her from waking up 489,820 times. It is so frustrating. I have no advice at all, but just wanted to let you know you're not alone!
Oh, and we used to bedshare until 1 year, when DD decided that she wanted to sleep in her crib. She freaks out now if I try to bring her to bed with me. I would give anything to have her bedshare again, but she won't go for it.
Yawn.
Okay, I totally know what you're going through. With DS1, he co-slept with us until he was almost 4 because he wouldn't sleep if he wasn't with us. When he was in our bed, the kicking kept me up most of the night. When pg with DS2, I found this amazing book (quick read, plus an emergency section to get LO to sleep that night) "The Lull-a-Baby" Sleep Plan" by Cathryn Tobin, MD. it's meant for LOs around 6 months old but author addresses older babies/kids issues too and they totally work even on my 4 year old. DS1 was sleeping in his bed and through the night by day 5. I started the system with DS2 from about 2.5 months and it took 4 days. Other than due to illness/teething/etc he sleeps through the entire night, every night. I am not kidding about how well this works.
There's no Crying it Out stuff, rather its reteaching your child how to soothe themselves to go to sleep initially and to put themselves back to sleep if they have middle of the night wakings. I wish I could tell you the info directly, but it's sort of a checklist that you try and adjust. I would recommend this because it seems both natural and not cruel or harmful to the child and sets them up for a lifetime a good sleep habits. If you can get it, its the best money you ever spent (under $15 at full price). GL.
I can't help tooo much but we just started working to correct it and she's only waking twice now (midnite and 2) and they're just to find binky so if I just leave her alone she finds it and goes back to sleep. This is after just last month we were waking every 2 hours to nurse!!!
I found that my LO was a lot like your DD where she would just get more and more ticked off about being left alone or me checking in. So I knew that CIO wasn't ever gonna be the way to get her STTN. So instead I started putting her in her crib sleepy (like PP) and rubbing her back for the first nights. Once this was an acceptable way to fall asleep (to her), I took a more hands off approach, talking to her to comfort her but no touching, if she got too mad I went back to rubbing her back. Once talking was ok I got closer and closer to the bedroom door each night until now I can just lay her down, say good night and walk out shutting the door behind me. There really isn't an overnight fix but this is coming from a SAHM where DH is an OTR trucker and not home to be the one to comfort her. If she was awake then generally so am I. So I feel your pain just lesser (since DD will only be 12 months next week )
These are some ideas from NCSS but I didn't follow it to strictly, just enough to get a little more sleep
HTH
I'm going to be the evil person here who says this, but at this point, yes, her not falling asleep on her own is indeed your problem.
BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN YOU'RE A BAD PARENT...AT ALL!!
You've been doing every nurturing thing that your mind & heart tells you to do, and that's NOT a bad thing.
However, for your own sanity, and for hers, she HAS to learn to fall asleep on her own. She's in a mindset of "I have to be rocked to fall asleep," so when she stirs in the night & wakes up, she cries for you because she doesn't know of any other way to fall asleep.
As to the best way to get her to fall asleep on her own, it's all about what you & your family can stomach. CIO will work, but it's probably going to take longer than 2 days, especially at her age. If you can't stand the idea of that, maybe start rocking her a little less each night by 5 minute increments, so she'll be drowsy, but not asleep?
I really don't mean to be a hard-ass, but for your own sanity (which will benefit her in the long run), a change is going to have to be made, and since you're the mama - you'll be the one to make it happen.
Hugs, and good luck!