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Adoption
FOSTER/ADOPTIVE PARENTS (LONG)
DH and I are in the process of Foster/Adopting 3 sibilings aged 2, 4, & 6. I thought I'd post an update below on how our first full day with the kids went.
The plan is to have the permanently starting on Halloween. We still have a lot of things to get in order.
The Quest For Mr. Bubble.....
Here's our latest Foster/Adopt Update:
Saturday was our first full day with the kids, so thought I would send out another update....
Our last visit with the kids was on Thursday night. Our plan that night, was to take them to dinner, run to Target, bring them to our house, bathe them and get them ready for bed, and back to their current foster home by 8 (their normal bedtime). That was an ABSOLUTE bust, as we never even got out of the restaurant until after 8, and got the kids back to their foster home un-bathed, etc. We WAY underestimated our time...
So based on Thursdays experience, we attempted to scale back our expectations of what we could accomplish. After picking up the kids at 9:30, we brought them home so they could meet the dogs. They weren't able to do that on Thursday as both the kids and dogs were too worked up. We also explained to the kids, that we originally said that we were going to do all of these things on Saturday (Target, pumpkin patch, costume shopping, swimming, eating choc ice cream...), we may not get to everything, and need to prioritize. We explained that our priority for Saturday was to get to Target (we needed basics like diapers), as well as ice cream (which we'd promised Angel after Thursdays fiasco). If we accomplished nothing else, at least we would have diapers and ice cream. What could be better than that!!!
Saturday was better, but we still have some work to do. The kids are not used to being around pets at all. So they were a bit afraid, and let loose with lots of screams and squeals. This or course got the pups worked up. We progressed slowly, and let the dogs in an out on a very frequent basis so they could get to know each other.
They then announced they were hungry, so we had our first snack of the day. I had made a grocery run on Friday night, and picked up some strawberries and other fruit. We washed and diced some berries, and they all happily chowed down...
Our friend Kathy D. had kindly dropped off 2 booster car seats Saturday morning. These worked perfectly at the kitchen table as booster seats for the 2 youngest. We will also use one in the car as we are currently borrowing one car seat from the foster family....
Our table and chairs as well as plates, flatware, etc look even more like they were made for the Flintstones. Everything is so oversized in comparison to the little ones...We need to get some kid sized flatware...
Friday night, Mark and I meticulously made our list for Target, so after snack time, we hustled the kids into the car, and made our way there. Of course we forgot the list.... Mark and I had in our minds, that we would get the kids Mr. Bubble to take their bath that night. We also needed to get diapers, little swimmers, kids shampoo, etc. On the way to Target, Bobby fell asleep in his car seat. Mark said he'd stay with him in the car to sleep. I of course, said heck no...you guys are coming in with me!
We strapped Bobby into one cart, and Jenna in the other, and the five us went on our first Target excursion. We made our way to the soap section, and spent 20 minutes looking for kid soap and Mr. Bubble. Mark and I commiserated on how we couldn't find the Mr....where could he be? Mark thought it might be by the Calgon products. In the back of my mind, I'm thinking why would they do that? The relaxing Calgon products next to the hyper kids taking a bath products? Sort of seemed a bit oxymoronish, but...we couldn't find it either...Mr Bubble, or Calgon....
We finally break down and ask a clerk who directs us to the infant section which has a whole aisle devoted to the kiddie stuff. We hit the motherlode! The Mr. was there, but not in his old powdered form that we remembered from our very long ago youth. He's now been relegated to a liquid form. We bought the economy size... We also invested in some kids shampoo and toothbrushes.
This also brought us to the diaper aisle. Jenna wears pull-ups and Bobby of course is still in diapers. Mark and I looked at the 8 million varieties of diapers with deer in the headlights looks on our faces. These are all sized by a number (1-5 for example), that is based on the weight of the child. They are making a big assumption....that you know the weight of your child... So Mark has Bobby, and innocently approaches a woman in the baby dept, that has a child approximately the same size as Bobby. Mark strikes up a conversation with her, and asks what size diapers he wears as we are trying to figure it out. She tells Mark they are based on weight... Mark tells her, we don't know how much the kids weigh. She practically re-coiled from him as if how could you not know what your child weighs? I then came around the corner, and explained that we had no clue what we were doing, that we were foster/adopting, and didn't know about this weight thing, or what kind we should buy. She totally changed her tune, told us what size the kids needed, and which ones she recommended and why. It was too funny. At this point, we are running way behind our fantasy schedule, and need to step it up. Of course at this time, both Jenna and Angel announce that they need to go to the bathroom....
Jenna is trying to get the potty training thing going, and has told me a few times that she needs to go. I spoke w/the dr on Thursday and we discussed this. He said based on the changes in their lives, not to worry too much about this now. Tackle it after the kids are settled. Of course if she's going to tell me she needs to go, I'm going to take her....
We go into the large stall, and Angel does her thing. Jenna, in the meantime is more interested in climbing under the stall and playing with the hand dryer. I realize at this time, potty time isn't going to happen with her right now. We get Angel washed up, and out of there as quickly as possible.
At this point, we are going on 2+ hrs at Target, and don't even have 1/2 of what we 'think' was on our list. We quickly huddle up, and decide that if we can just get a pair of jammies per kid, we are going to make a hasty exit and get the heck out of here... We quickly throw some sponge bob jams, along with football and a princess pair into the cart and make our exit...$200 later, we were loading stuff in the car...
My Dad, Brother, SIL and Niece were meeting at our house on Saturday to both meet the kids, and niece is out of school for a week, so they are taking in the sights of the city. I'd left a key under the mat at home for dad, and also asked him to stop at my cousins in Livermore for some supplies (THANK YOU!). These included swimsuits and life jackets, along with shelving and a bunch of stuff we haven't even gotten to yet....
Dad was there already, and we got the car unloaded and the kids in the house. Time for lunch, so we made some sandwiches. The kids were good at sitting at the table eating. Still, we wish we didn't have carpet in 99% of the house....
After lunch, we asked if they wanted to go swimming. Jenna immediately started peeling off her clothes. My cousin had sent a Dora the Explorer swimsuit that fit her perfectly. The other was a bit small for Angel, so we went through the loaner drawer in the bedroom, and found one that fit perfect, that she LOVED. Bobby didn't want to swim at all so hung out with dad on the bench (which was okay since we only had 2 life jackets at the time).
Before going into the pool area, we talked to them all about pool safety while we were putting on their life jackets. Angel insisted that she knew how to swim (NOT), and Jenna just jumped right in and got a mouth full of water. Mark took Angel around, and I took Jenna. We also took Biscuit (our puppy) in for a swim too...
A bit later, I took Jenna into the hot tub where she proceed to float in my arms and drift off to sleep....
After about an hr or so, we went back in the house, and changed, and then sat down to watch a movie. We made some popcorn, and each got their own little bowl. In the meantime, the rest of the family arrived. My niece played the role of older cousin perfectly, and took lots pictures that they will download when they get home. The kids ran around, and again, we tried to acclimate them to the dogs.
We had been told that Jenna had a tendency to 'rage', and got a small piece of that behavior on Saturday. She was running around the empty living room, and running into the glass in the french doors. I had visions of her running through the door with a million pieces of glass everywhere. I made her stop, which she didn't like, and proceeded to kick me and throw herself on the ground crying. She and I were the only ones in the living room, and I got down and whispered in her ear that when she was done having her fit, to please come into the kitchen and apologize to me. Less than 30 seconds later, with her audience gone, she was in the kitchen with me and said sorry. (Thank you SuperNanny, and Nanny911...my two new favorite shows).
We were supposed to have the kids back at 8pm, so backed up dinner and baths to accommodate that. We had our Mickey Mouse Spaghetti with the family at about 5:30, then had the promised ice cream from Thursday. Then it was time for the bath brigade....
We filled the tub in our room up with Mr. Bubble, and started with the kids, one by one. As we went through them, it became obvious, that with Mr. Bubble, when you wash your hair, it's impossible to rinse the soap out, as Mr. Bubble is naturally...soapy... So when each child was done with their bath, they were transferred to the shower, where they were hosed off, and then dried...we had a little assembly line going that seemed to work fine...only problem is there were 3-4 adults helping....and in 'real life' there will only HOPEFULLY always be 2. We got them dried, diapered, and jammied, and told them it was time to go back to the other foster home. They didn't want to go, but again we talked about when we would see them again, and that soon they would be with us full time...
We loaded them up in the car seats and Bobby and Jenna were out in about 5 minutes. We got to their home, and it was pitch black. For a minute there, we thought that maybe the foster parents weren't home. I carried a sleeping Jenna up to the dark house and rang the bell. The light came one, and the dad came down. We got all of the kids in the house safely, and up the stairs to bed.... Mark and I collapsed. By the time we came home, the dogs had collapsed as well, and were in their beds, sound asleep...
Our next outing with the kids is Tuesday, so we will see how that goes. I'm accompanying Bobby to a dr appt in the am, and working with the social workers on other issues. We are hoping to transition the kids Halloween weekend, but still have a lot to do regarding day care, school, etc. I'm taking tomorrow off to deal with all of this stuff.
I spoke to our social worker today about the issues with therapy, car seats, school, etc that we encountered last week. She's assisting us on getting some answers so we can put together a plan...
Our neighbors have been WONDERFUL and by Saturday all had come by to meet the kids and offered wonderful advise, encouragement, toys, everything!
Our family and friends have been equally WONDERFUL and generous, and we appreciate everything! More than one person has told us DON'T BUY ANYTHING until you ask us, so that's what we are doing! We have been very blessed with lots of goodies!
Mark and I still wonder what we've gotten ourselves into. We've taken a huge step, and have a ways to go. I am blessed with a hubby that is very active in parenting. Sometimes we wonder what we've done, but then look at those little faces that have NO ONE advocating for them, and just want to be little kids...
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Re: FOSTER/ADOPTIVE PARENTS (LONG)
this was so fun to read. I am so excited for you guys. it surely will take adjusting too but it will all be worth it! My dh and i are doing foster/adopt as well and cant wait for something like this to happen! good luck and please keep us posted!!
p.s. i am sooo happy for you!
TTC since 2005
missed miscarriage nov 2006- 4 failed clomid cycles-
3 failed femara iui cycles-
moving on to IVF oct 2011
ER nov. 7th
tansfered 2 blasts on 11/10
lots of +hpt!!
beta #1 on 11/21= 50.4
beta #2 on11/23= 90.8
another miscarriage 12/23
moving on to Round 2 of IVF with an auto immune dx
ER 4/23-retrieved 12 eggs
ET 4/28 3 transfered
Beta #1- 356
Beta #2- 870
My Blog
This was actually an e-mail that I'm sending to friends and family to keep them update. Many have suggested a blog, but I'm not 'blog savy' yet, but am going to check it out! Thanks!
You ought to start a blog!
It's a good way to keep record of all that is going on- you'll want it for later purposes too
I know it's a hectic process, sounds like y'all are having a lot of fun as you get to know your family and settle in!
Thanks for sharing this. It was so fun to read and for those of us sharing this journey, there was so much that I could relate to even though we're doing IA. The excited, overwhelemed, but falling in love with your kids feelings.