Yesterday afternoon DH had left to go study with a classmate, so it was just D and me. As I was sitting on the floor playing with her, I was overwhelmed with awe as I started thinking of how amazing this little girl was, how beautiful and how truly blessed I am to be her mother (after I had begun to think I would never get the chance). Happy tears start welling up in my eyes. Then I start thinking about my mom....she died unexpectedly in 2006. So then the happy tears started to turn to sad tears....and I started thinking about how much I miss her and how sad I am that D will never get to meet her and how she never got to see me as a mother. ![]()
Thank goodness D is too little to realize how crazy I am! I think it's the holidays that have got me down....funny, because it didn't hit me last year. I think that's because D was still so little and I was in "survivial mode" that I barely had a moment to breathe, let alone contemplate all this stuff.
And I know several of us have lost loved ones in the past year, and the holidays will be tough. And I'm sorry....the first one is always the hardest, I promise you...it will get easier.
Hugs to everyone missing a loved one this season....
Re: Pitty Party - anyone wanna join?
Tons of hugs coming your way.....my grandfather's birthday is over Thanksgiving weekend and it hits me hard every year. He died before knowing either T or S - and for some reason, it is his birthday that hits me, not when he died.
All I can say is that it does get easier....and embrace the tears and memories. Those will help you to pass along memories and teachings to your little one......
It is funny and bitterwsweet how those thoughts pop up when you least expect them or how something triggers a great memory of those that have passed.....
Hugs - I'll join you.
My mom died when I was 22 and my sister died when I was 35. Neither of them met Tom, saw me get married or met Sarah. My mom never had grandchildren and my sister never had a niece or nephew (or children of her own). I think about them more during the holidays, remembering the special holidays when I was a kid. It was always such a magical time for me.
I'm so sorry, Carla. I can only imagine how hard it must be not to have your mom when you became a mom.
I often feel sadness when I think about the fact that Caroline will never know her paternal grandparents (DH's parent's both passed years ago).
Like Carla said, hugs to everyone who is missing someone this year.
So sorry Carla. And thanks for thinking of us who have lost someone close to us. I've already shed quite a few tears over my Dad the last few weeks. It is hitting me hard this time of year.
Fiona did get to meet my Dad...although she'll have no memory of him. I sometimes think how he'll only be a grandad in a photo to her and there was so much more of him that she'll never know.
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Can I join you? I lost my Dad to cancer three years ago. My daughter has his last name as a tribute to him .
And then in September we lost both my grandmother and my MIL who was only 68. She waited 67 years to become a grandmother and was over the moon for my daughter and ?she was so excited about the upcoming holidays. She actually died suddenly on a vacation trip in which she was doing a lot of Xmas shopping for Claire.
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I lost my mom too, around the same time you did. I can very much relate to what you are feeling, and have a lot of angry/sad emotions aabout her never seeing LO, and LO never having the opportunity to meet his grandmother.
I often imagine what her expression would be like when she saw him the first time, what she would do/say when she played with him, etc. and it makes me feel a little better.