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Northern California Babies
Dragonfly_Bride
member
It's difficult to get ready for something that might not happen
Dragonfly_Bride
member
ETA: I am apparently incapable of just writing a small/short update.
So, a small update on our adoption saga:
Right now the agency doesn't consider us "matched". The potential birthmom has only checked in with them once, and it was just a 10 minute call (not long enough for them to do a full "intake", but enough to get them started). The social worker said she was going to send an e-mail to her with a doctor's release so they can get verification of her pregnancy. I don't know if that's been returned back yet. We're feeling a time-crunch because she says she thinks she's having the baby next week. But, we don't know what sort of medical expenses she'll need, or really any of the other expenses. Unfortunately, that could be what stops us from pursuing this... Right now she doesn't have insurance, but is trying to get on her dh's insurance. No sure how feasible that is. She told our agency that she has a payment plan worked out with the hospital to just be charged $4,800 for l&d, but I don't know how realistic that actually is. The social worker thought it sounded awfully low.
So, in the meantime, just based on her conversation & texts to us, we're operating under the assumption that we might be buying a last minute plane ticket across the country and be gone for 2 weeks or more (there's a waiting period when adopting between two states), and at the same time figuring that we're not going anywhere, based on our agency's update as of right now.
Oh, plus, she's planning on giving birth in a state that is across the border from her, which may mean even more complications, since now we'd have three states to deal with legally. I sent the question to all the adoption lawyers in her region about which laws we'd need to adhere to, and every answer I've gotten contradicts the one before it.
So, I'm doing all my Christmas shopping this weekend. We organized the nursery, sort of, (but really it was just an excuse to make my mil clear up all her crap since she's been using that room as her personal storage closet since February). My dh is trying to do just in case sub-plans (which are a pain in the butt and take hours), and I've been working longer hours to finish up a project that no one in my office is wanting to touch... and then we just wait to see what happens.
Oh, here are the latest red-flags according to our agency:
1. Most pg ladies this close to their due date are anxious to speak with the agency and get everything tidied up. Not her. She made time for a quick phone call after a week and a half of contacting us. This is odd to them, and may signify that she's not committed to adoption or to us.
2. I don't think I got the full-story, but according to the person who spoke to her at the agency (whom I have never spoken to), she couldn't think of our names. Now, our names are unusual, but we've been in contact just about every day... I don't know if she didn't know our first names, or couldn't think of how to pronounce them, or just forgot altogether. This is a red-flag to the agency because thy wonder if she's engaging other couples and can't keep it all straight, or she just blanked or what... Right after she talked to the agency she texted me to get the "correct spellings of our names" - which could be a polite way of saying who are you people??
3. The agency can't go any further until they talk with her dh. He is 100% as responsible as she is for agreeing to the adoption.
I'll keep you updated if I know anymore.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: It's difficult to get ready for something that might not happen
Yikes this sounds awfully fishy to me. I can't understand how she could be about to give birth and has not yet gotten on her DH's insurance if that possibility exists. And why is she going to another state? I wonder if he doesn't know she is pregnant. And the whole "forgot the names" thing also reeks.
I'm sorry this is such a difficult process. I really pray your baby comes home to you soon.
As if the TTC wasn't hard enough, the adoption process is JUST as emotional if not more so. I'm sorry. I don't understand how "they" can put good people through such a night-mare-ish roller coaster.
Huge hugs!
NorCalMOMS bio* NorCalBOTB* babywearingBIO
Harmony Doula
NorCalMOMS bio* NorCalBOTB* babywearingBIO
Harmony Doula
The Blog | BirthbyKellyM
OMG...what a roller coaster.
I hope everything works out for you. I am still thinking of you guys and sending TONS of prayers, thoughts, dust, etc. to you guys.
Enjoy your Christmas shopping.
Thinking about you and wishing you and your DH nothing but good things.
I would be a little leary too.
*hugs* I can't fathom what you guys are feeling or going through. I hope for the best for you and your husband.
Hugs M! I'm praying for you all.
I am not sure about the DC area, I know it is close to other states. It does still sound strange to forget your names if she picked out you and I as the potential parents?
I am not sure what else to say, I hope your dreams come true very soon. Sending you lots of dust to get through.
I hope she isn't scamming you. I agree with Celyn, I live in MV and will be delivering in SF due to what DH and I believe are better hospitals. It could be as simple as that.
Also, she may not want someone local adopting her child due to her other children, friends and family or even running into the baby later on so easily. Also, to a lot of people CA is still the land of opportunity and amazing standards of living. We, living here, know this is only half the truth, but we do have it pretty good.
This is, of course, from the eternal optimist, who is wishing and hoping all the best.
T&P's and hugs to you M.