Advice needed! Newborn and deployed hubby. — The Bump
Military Families

Advice needed! Newborn and deployed hubby.

My hubby is home on leave until the end of this week, then he leaves for 4 months to finish out his deployment.  I've already had a few moments with our 2 week old where I just can't deal with his fussiness anymore and break down and cry and DH will take him.  After he leaves I don't know how Im going to deal with these moments and am looking to you experienced moms for advice.  I know if I get to frustrated to put him down and walk away, but what are some other ideas you have.

TIA

Re: Advice needed! Newborn and deployed hubby.

  • hmmm, I dont think I have any other advice other than the 'put him down & walk away'. I still use that one now. When I was in your situation, I can only remember being exhausted. Maybe your 'motherly instincts' haven't kicked in yet. It honestly took me a few months to actually feel like I really "liked" DS. I guess what got me through was knowing that I was the only one around to take care of him (I was completely alone for 9 months). So hope maybe this helps!
  • if you get out of control very often you may want to ask your doc about PPD
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  • DH deployed a couple of weeks after our son was born and will be gone for his 1st year. Before he left I found myself asking the same question you are. After a few weeks you'll start to figure everything out. Sure there are sometimes (even now) where I don't think I'll make it, but I am because I have to. That little boy needs me and he doesn't deserve any less that my best.

    Don't try to be supermom, if you don't get into the shower until 3:00 don't worry about it. If your house isn't spotless, who cares? All you need to do is take care of yourself and that sweet little baby. I know you can do it!

    Married 5/29/09
    DS 8/10/2010 8lbs 6oz
    DD 11/28/2012 8lbs 7oz
    It's a Girl! Due 2/5/2017
  • Have you read The Happiest Baby on the Block? If not, see if the library has a copy of the DVD. (I know when I worked at the post library at Fort Irwin, they had at least one, if not two, copies of the DVD.). There are a number of good tips and methods to use with your infant. It is trite, but sleep when he sleeps. Eat as often and as healthy as you can. You have to have energy to care for the baby. Are you swaddling him? When my LO was inconsolable, I would walk circles around my kitchen. The rhythmic movements comforted him. Do you have a vibrating bouncy seat? My son slept best in his. I was afraid, in my new mommy fog, that the vibrations would scramble his brain, but it won't. If he doesn't like the bouncy seat, try the swing. Keep trying things 'till you find something that works. Good luck!
    ~*~*~*~ Smudges*Mom is Marni~*~*~*~

    [URL=http://alterna-tickers.com][IMG]http://alterna-tickers.com/tickers/generated_tickers/g/gh8t96lcs.png[/IMG][/URL]

    Our IVF miracle was born at 41w6d while Daddy was deployed to Iraq.
    Marni is a pre-e/HELLP Syndrome and PPD/PPA survivor!
  • image MrsP052909:

    DH deployed a couple of weeks after our son was born and will be gone for his 1st year. Before he left I found myself asking the same question you are. After a few weeks you'll start to figure everything out. Sure there are sometimes (even now) where I don't think I'll make it, but I am because I have to. That little boy needs me and he doesn't deserve any less that my best.

    Don't try to be supermom, if you don't get into the shower until 3:00 don't worry about it. If your house isn't spotless, who cares? All you need to do is take care of yourself and that sweet little baby. I know you can do it!

    This!

    You will get through it because you have to. 

    Are you bfing?  I found that nursing sidelying and bedsharing got me the most rest and made me happiest.  Of course now I can't get her out of my bed!

  • If you really get frustrated: clean diaper, fed, warm, dry, and put them in a safe spot....then just go cool down. 

    It'll be better, once you and baby can establish a routine, but most important is to keep yourself "okay"

    My wife did the unthinkable when our twins were 4wks old: she left me alone with them for a week.....I almost died....house was a mess, I prob got 2-3 showers the entire week, and probably ate 9 times....but I did figure out a secret of how to get them calm!  Wife wasnt privileged to it for a good month. :)

    Sleep when baby sleeps, eat when baby eats.....and if necessary, scream when baby screams.....just not at baby.....maybe into a pillow so as to not alarm the neighbors.

    Also, maybe have someone come over for a few hours several days a week so you can nap a little longer than baby and reenergize

  • Contact your Family Readiness Center to see what programs they may have for you.  Then contact the Chapel and your First Sergeant for any additional programs/forms of assistance that are out there for new moms.

    I am our MOPS deployed spouse coordinator.  I have organized an "adopt a deployed mommy" program that has the adoptor giving the mommy 2-4 hours a week of baby free time.  I actually go to my mommy's house once a week and do her laundry for her, while she takes her a full nap with her baby and our toddlers play (an extra pain with two toddlers trying to help...)

    And I know that we have a variety of other official programs like that on our base. 

    PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take that step and ask for help.  We all have been there are totally willing to help out if we are asked.

    file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg
  • Our base has a New Parent Support program. They have nurses on staff to help with WHATEVER you need - including home visits.

    Call around to your bases health clinic or chaplain to get in touch with your local resources! :)

    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • One of the ladies recomended a great book.  I suggest you find it. 

    Don't ever feel like you have to do it all alone.  If the laundry doesn't get done or the floor doesn't get mopped for a few days, who cares?  When you need help, ask for it.  Seek out a mom's group.  Get together with other moms. 

    If you feel like you are at your wit's end, talk to your doctor.  Right now, you may just have baby blues because of hormones and the fact that your H is about to be gone again.  Some people have more than just the blues.  PPD is a very serious thing.  Don't take it lightly.  If you think you have more than just normal blues, get help. 

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