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NBR: Who's had rough patches in your marriage...

ShariJennShariJenn member
in Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months

but got through it?  How long did the rough patch last, and how did you get through it?

I feel like we're trying really hard to move on from the arguments and things that have happened in the past 2 months, and we'll go a week with no arguing and then something will set one of us off and I feel like we go back to square one.  

We've always had a very good relationship, and I hate this so bad right now.  We've been married 3.5 years, and I do not want to be apart from him, nor does he want to be from me (I hope).  I just wish there was an easy button to make the tension stop and the arguing stop, so we could go back to normal.  I guess we're in a rut, is what I should call it.

The main cause for arguing is he's tired of me complaining about things, which i'm trying very hard to stop doing.  However, he does get moody kinda easily, which sets me off and makes me keep asking what's wrong.  It then ends up that I annoyed him somehow and that's why he was in a mood and then I kept bugging him to tell me about it, which landed in an argument.

Any advice?

 

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Re: NBR: Who's had rough patches in your marriage...

  • risysmamarisysmama member

    Find a hobby and stop focusing so much on your relationship.  I find that when I have too much time on my hands, I start nitpicking at DH and it drives him crazy.  When I have things to keep me busy (going to the gym, hanging out with girlfriends, etc), less of my attention is focused on him and the problems in our relationship and things just fall into place calmly.

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  • ShariJennShariJenn member
    Thanks :) that's really good advice!  I'll give that a try :)
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  • mariahcohenmariahcohen member

    My only advice is to talk to each other openly all the time.  Talk about what is wrong what is right what is bad and what is good. 

    Hang in there...marriage is hard work....but well worth it! 

    Good Luck!

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  • brooketinibrooketini
    DH and I hit a rough patch a few months ago. We were arguing about everything, and blowing up at each other over really silly stuff. For us, I think it was mainly because we were stressed out about other things (we were moving, which was causing some temporary strain on our finances; plus, I had just taken on babysitting my two nieces full time and it wasn't going well). Are there some underlying things that could be causing the two of you some stress? We really considered some couples counseling at the time, but things got better so we haven't talked any more about that. Do you think he would consider counseling? A friend told me it helped her immensely. Good luck, I hope things get better soon!
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  • mjsweetgirlmjsweetgirl member
    DH and I went and did some marriage counseling and its the absolute best thing we've ever done. It really helped our communication methods, taught me how to be a better listener and how to fight fair. I strongly 1000% recommend it. My sister babysat for us while DH and went to counseling and it was well worth it to pay her for that time together. DH had brought up some things that I never knew about, issues he had that he didn't feel comfortable bringing up just with me. It was the best investment we've made. 
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  • rosesandpeoniesrosesandpeonies member
    My husband and I went through a pretty bad rough patch when I first got pregnant with this baby.  I actually went for a visit to see my parents and almost decided to stay.  The only reason I actually came home was because all of my dr.'s are here and I have a lot of medical issues plus a high risk pregnancy.  I am glad I am came back.  Things werent great when I first came home either, but since it has been better. Things were bad from June-October.  Basically you have to figure out what is going on.  If he doesn't give you any feedback there is no reason to keep getting yourself upset.  I would try and talk to him and there was no response and I would get so angry and frustrated.  I decided that it wasnt good for me, the baby, and my daughter so I let it go.  There is no one right answer but it is very normal to go through a rough patch like you are going through and two months actually isnt that long.  When there is a time when you are both in an okay mood and no one is angry or frustrated about anything that is when you talk to them.   Don't bring it up when you are frustrated and upset because it will just make you worse and he won't react to it at all.  IF the stuff going on is not a deal breaker (cheating, etc.) then most likely this too shall pass :)
    DD (8/12/09), DD (2/8/11)
    BFP 12/16/14| EDD 8/19/15 |MMC 1/15/15 (9 weeks 1 day)
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  • Scooter359Scooter359
    Yes, of course, this happens to tons of people. And I honestly think it all boils down to maturity. (not a dig at you personally) It's a matter of how much do I really care about the dirty dishes he left in the sink, enough to fight about it? No. Before you start to nit pick or before he gets moody(again, he should be able to deal with his emotions) take a step back and think about how important it really is in the long run, because more often then not it's not important at all.
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  • JCMJCM member
    Like PP said I would seek marriage counseling.  It may help you see things from each other's perspective's and teach you how to communicate with each other.
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  • ShariJennShariJenn member
    Thank you all for your advice, that's very helpful and reassuring.  There are no real underlying problems...he had lied about something, came clean (no cheating or messing around).  He knows it was wrong, and has apologized.  Everything just seemed to explode from there...meaning everything that bothered one of us over the past 5 years came out.  He held things in, and felt that I wouldn't be understanding (causeing a lie) and now I understand I need to be more understanding.  It's a learning process I suppose.  I just hope it ends sooner rather then later.  Counseling sounds like a good idea!
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  • Cheekie4Cheekie4 member

    We had a rough year.  DH was laidoff & my income was significantly lower b/c of my maternity leave.  Stress was the main cause of our frustrations, & then it snowballed into full blown arguments over the dumbet stuff.

    One piece of advice I'd give you is to focus on one thing at a time.  Work on that & then move to something else.  Also, we did a date night once a month.  We needed that time to reconnect after having Bug & fighting so much.

    Good luck.  It's hard when your relationship isn't going the way you planned. 

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  • macchiattomacchiatto member
    I agree that counseling is a good idea; adding a kid to the mix is a rough transition for almost every couple, and having an objective professional help you get back on track now will really help you guys in the long run. I think it's a very worthwhile investment and good to be proactive before you develop more serious problems or drift apart (which is easy to do after a while, especially if you have kids to focus on).
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  • NHGirl04NHGirl04 member
    We had a rough few months.  Have you guys tried to have a real heart to heart? When DH and I did, we realized that my anxiety had gotten the best of me.  It was making me nervous about everything, which lead to annoyance etc.  I went to my doc and went on prozac and started to see a counselor. BEST THING EVER!  It's like I was back to my old happy self and we were falling in love all over again.  I guess my point is to maybe think about why you complain about a lot?  Do you have anxiety too?  Mine anxiety caused me to nitpick every last darn thing. Just an idea. I hope it all gets worked out FAST!! Good Luck!
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