how do you deal with timeline uncertainty?

TTCgradstud · October 2008

We had our adopt ed class over the weekend, which was interesting and slightly overwhelming. The teacher kept talking about last minute placements (domestic adoption), I think because she had just dealt with one at the end of the week. Because of that I stressed myself out thinking of all the things that aren't done- everything!- and how would we manage if we had a last minute placement!

DH wants to get everything ready ASAP- paint the nursery, buy everything we need, etc. I am much more hesitant because I like the idea of picking up bits and pieces as I see them, and working on the nursery slowly- like we would if we had a true timeline for baby's arrival. Plus I think it would bother me if we had the nursery done and then waited forever to be picked!

How do/did you balance wanting to make sure everything is done in time while dealing with the uncertain timeline of adoption?

kirstenw05 · October 2008

It is a very fine line. I would make sure you talk a lot as a couple and know exactly which steps you want to take BEFORE you take them (as far as decorating, etc.)

The mantra of the adoption board is just "One day at a time/One step at a time"

Good luck, and make sure you and DH are always in agreement before taking the next step.

silliestbunny · October 2008

I hear ya!

I am a planner by nature. The unpredictability of it was a tough concept for me.

I have finally come to a realization that this is not something I can control.

I finally became "okay" with not being completley prepared when I realized that it would be super cool if I was one of those speedy placement stories. I know my family and friends would pull together to support me and finish any remaining details. It's sort of like moms of preemies. They may not be ready but it all comes together.

speak-ez · October 2008

I'm not totally there yet b/c we're still working on our home study but I have given this some thought. I think that one of the ways I'm going to help pass the time is to research all the things we'll be buying. I may watch for them to go on sale and pick them up if it's a great deal. Even if we had a last minute placement we'd have time to hit a store to grab formula, diapers, some onsies, blankets, carseat and pack and play, etc. The baby won't need a ton to come home. Then we can work on getting the other stuff.

MayDayGirl · October 2008

Since our adoption agency was out of state I compiled a list by talking with mom's about what I needed to have for two weeks with a newborn (the amount of time we had to prepare to stay after a placement). I started picking up those items a little at a time so I'd have them if needed.

We did eventually buy a crib and carseat/stroller. And I'd buy stuff on craigslist that we didn't need right away (high chair, exersaucer, bike trailer etc) just cuz they were good deals!

But I focused mainly on the things I'd need as soon as a placement would happen (if it was a quick one).

kmkaull · October 2008

Oh I agree that it is a very fine line! We're only about 5 weeks into our official wait. Just in the past week or so, my heart starts beating fast when the phone rings. And every time, I kick myself for allowing my brain to go there! LOL.

As for buying things, we started to pick up things when we had Babies R US coupons toward the end of our home study. Now, we do have everything on hand that we'll need for a newborn. I know that I would not do well if we had to scramble at the last minute. It gives me peace of mind to have things ready to go. I also feel like we need to do some things to make it real for us, as obviously there's no pregnancy to focus on. We have not set up the baby's room yet . . . probably will start next month

I imagine everyone is different, and you just have to do what feels best to you. Good luck!

mrs.trisha_nicole · October 2008

I think about this too, but since we're interested in a an age range of 0-6 yeras old and have not clue what age we might be matched with, I think we'll have to wait until we're actually matched to buy anything. We do have a twin bed alread, but no crib (we might not even need a crib if we're matched with a 6 year old). I can't buy clothes or dipers or even decorate the room.

I hate not being able to do anything because I love to plan. Since we just sent in our application, I'm working on doing things to get our home in order for the home study, so that least that's something I can focus on for now.

Ranita · October 2008

I am a planner by nature too and this has been a really hard thing for me to not know. I think it's wise advice to be sure that you and DH are on the same page and also to make a list of priorities together so that you know what you both feel NEEDS to be done as opposed to the extras. My advice would be to try as much as possible to view this process as an experience to be absorbed and relished. A pregnancy can only go as fast as it goes and expectant mommies are often advised to enjoy each stage of it. For us expectant mommies, it's a pregnancy of a different kind and even though we don't know if it'll be a month or a year I think that we need to enjoy the process as much as we can and really bond with our DH's and with our unmet child as much as we can. Just my 2 cents, HTH

BabySweetPeasMom · October 2008

It's not easy, that's for sure! Keeping a blog helped a TON.

As for setting up the nursery and getting ready, we just started a little at a time. We made a registry for ourselves to check off stuff as we got it. It worked well for us.

On days that it was more difficult, the nursery door was shut.

Good luck!

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