I promise that I will not do this when my kids are older

AfterAll · December 2010

I have parent teacher conferences this week, and I hate, hate, hate when parents of kids who have 97-99 averages sign up for conferences.

I am a high school teacher. What exactly is there to discuss? Clearly the kid is doing extremely well... and the kicker is... they always ask me if there is anything more the kids can be doing, or anything they can be doing differnetly. Seriously?

suscq · December 2010

That's too funny, because my mom is a teacher and she was always one of those "If you made a 99, why couldn't you make 100?"

Squishycheeks* · December 2010

My parents were like that. I remember my dad being upset with me because I had a 94% in math one time. He made me go talk to my teacher about how to get my grade up.

I have vowed not to do this to my kids too!

ljlkm · December 2010

I will absolutely be one of those parents. I will know DS's teachers and talk to them as often as possible. What I won't be is a parent who is surprised when my kid comes home with a bad grade--that will never happen.

BethD76 · December 2010

There was a family that I went to school with. Our Mom's were friends. The kids were all straight A students. She pushed them sooo hard. I remember these kids crying because they knew how much trouble they would be in over scoring a B or C on a test. Three of the four kids were so burned out by graduation they didn't try college and just got any job they could get. I know I won't do this to my children.

JungleJulia · December 2010

haha! I come from a family of teachers and this is their #1 complaint. Big reason why the "bad" kids are doing so poorly and the "good" kids do so well. Parental involvement.

However, that didn't stop my mom from going to see all my teachers when I was in public school. Even worse, she was a Union rep and knew all my teachers personally and professionally. So she didn't have to go to parent-teacher conference but her argument was since she was a teacher, she had to set an example and check up on me. Ugh!

LSU628 · December 2010

I feel your pain. As the school counselor, I get parents calling thinking their kids might need accommodations b/c they are making B's. Some parents would KILL to have their kids make B's.

mandi7782 · December 2010

ljlkm:
I will absolutely be one of those parents. I will know DS's teachers and talk to them as often as possible. What I won't be is a parent who is surprised when my kid comes home with a bad grade--that will never happen.

This will be me. I want to talk to the teacher no matter how they are doing in school.

ashdonne · December 2010

My mom went to my parent teacher conferences most of the time even though I was a 4.0 student. She just wanted the teachers to know she was involved and check to see if there was anything she could do or help with. She also just wanted to feel like she knew my teachers so if there were any issues ever it would not be like that was the first time she was meeting them. It never bothered me then and I am sure I will do the same thing with DD even if she is doing well in school. I would not want to be suprised with any type of poor grades or behavior issues and would want to make sure the teacher knows that I am the kind of parent who will be making sure my kid does her homework etc.

Sage Mommy · December 2010

Until high school, they request that parents come to the first conference of the school year. DD is in 7th grade and I have never went to anything other than the first conference. She has always had all A's and never had any other issues.

I won't go in HS unless she is having problems. At her first conference this year, I was in and out in 5 mins. "She's great, good student, see you later. " What is there really to discuss if they are doing fine? I can check all of her grades on the computer. I know what she's doing in school.

Courtney&Jason · December 2010

So, what is the right kind of parental involvement? Should parents of kids doing well not interact with you at all because it is a waste of time?

ETA: And if this is a problem at your school, why don't they have a policy that conferences will only be scheduled with children that are doing poorly?

ljlkm · December 2010

Maybe there's nothing to discuss but maybe there is. Maybe his grades are great but he doesn't seem organized or he seems to be losing interest. Or he's really into art and she knows about this great program. Or something seems to be on hi mind. Or he's keeping it together but she knows the workload is going to ramp up in the spring and maybe it'll be too much. Or maybe there is nothing to talk about at all, but next month there is but now she knows she can call me and it's not weird because we've never met.

SoHopeful · December 2010

mandi7782:

ljlkm:
I will absolutely be one of those parents. I will know DS's teachers and talk to them as often as possible. What I won't be is a parent who is surprised when my kid comes home with a bad grade--that will never happen.

This will be me. I want to talk to the teacher no matter how they are doing in school.

ditto

ryry1977 · December 2010

My parents went to all conferences, no matter how we were doing. They just wanted to stay involved in everything. I didn't realize that some of the teachers didn't like it.

ivs112 · December 2010

I always got great grades in school and my mom always went to parent teacher conferences. She never asked what I could do better though, she just liked hearing my teachers say what a great student I was :-).

carlab44 · December 2010

There is a lot more that goes on the classroom than what is reflected in their grades. I'll want to know how engaged they are, how is their behavior, how is their interaction with the other kids, etc. Or if they are doing well maybe they aren't being challenged and there is more we can do with them at home. No offense, but I would be more than upset if I knew my child's teacher didn't think it was necessary to meet with me just because they were getting good grades.

tlynnus · December 2010

I would be pissed if I found out DS's teachers felt this way. I think that it is important for DS to know that we are interested in his schooling. I believe that going to the conferences reinforces to him that he is important and that we care about how he is developing. I don't know why a teacher would think that they are only there for the children who are not doing well.

Cityplanner · December 2010

AfterAll:
I am a high school teacher. What exactly is there to discuss? Clearly the kid is doing extremely well... and the kicker is... they always ask me if there is anything more the kids can be doing, or anything they can be doing differnetly. Seriously?

I'll be there no matter how my daughter is doing. I don't think parent/teacher conference participation necessarily means helicopter parenting or expecting perfection.

Off the top of my head, here are some IMPORTANT things for a good student's parents to find out: Maybe they're getting good grades because the class is way too easy and they need a bigger challenge or would really love some enrichment activities. Maybe they've got lousy organizational skills and are acing this class because the subject matter comes easily to them but bad study habits will catch up with them in the future. Maybe they're doing badly in other classes and I'd want to find out why this one is different. Maybe I just want to be able to go home and say "Let me tell you all the GOOD things I just heard about you."

Honestly, I'd be put off by a teacher who thought it was a waste of their time to discuss these things with me. Or who was offended by a question like "What more could they be doing?" Heck, that's ALWAYS good to ask.

Maybe you're saying that it's frustrating that there the kids whose parents you MOST need to talk to who are the LEAST likely to show up, and I get that sentiment. But that's not how I read your post.

Echowysp · December 2010

I'm sorry, but that's lame as a teacher. You only want to meet the parents and discuss their children it there's a problem? Ooh-kay....

We'd love parent involvement in my school. My teachers would kill to have your "problem".

mandi7782 · December 2010

Cityplanner:
AfterAll:
I am a high school teacher. What exactly is there to discuss? Clearly the kid is doing extremely well... and the kicker is... they always ask me if there is anything more the kids can be doing, or anything they can be doing differnetly. Seriously?
I'll be there no matter how my daughter is doing. I don't think parent/teacher conference participation necessarily means helicopter parenting or expecting perfection.
Off the top of my head, here are some IMPORTANT things for a good student's parents to find out: Maybe they're getting good grades because the class is way too easy and they need a bigger challenge or would really love some enrichment activities. Maybe they've got lousy organizational skills and are acing this class because the subject matter comes easily to them but bad study habits will catch up with them in the future. Maybe they're doing badly in other classes and I'd want to find out why this one is different. Maybe I just want to be able to go home and say "Let me tell you all the GOOD things I just heard about you."
Honestly, I'd be put off by a teacher who thought it was a waste of their time to discuss these things with me. Or who was offended by a question like "What more could they be doing?" Heck, that's ALWAYS good to ask.
Maybe you're saying that it's frustrating that there the kids whose parents you MOST need to talk to who are the LEAST likely to show up, and I get that sentiment. But that's not how I read your post.

E-knowing AA I would think that is what she meant by that comment. BTW I always agree with you!

Scooter359 · December 2010

Courtney&Jason:
So, what is the right kind of parental involvement? Should parents of kids doing well not interact with you at all because it is a waste of time?

ETA: And if this is a problem at your school, why don't they have a policy that conferences will only be scheduled with children that are doing poorly?

No, but some students(like me at the time) thinks it puts an unfair amount of pressure on them. A 97% is great, and instead of saying "good job" they get a "do better"

outnumbered · December 2010

Cityplanner:
AfterAll:
I am a high school teacher. What exactly is there to discuss? Clearly the kid is doing extremely well... and the kicker is... they always ask me if there is anything more the kids can be doing, or anything they can be doing differnetly. Seriously?
I'll be there no matter how my daughter is doing. I don't think parent/teacher conference participation necessarily means helicopter parenting or expecting perfection.
Off the top of my head, here are some IMPORTANT things for a good student's parents to find out: Maybe they're getting good grades because the class is way too easy and they need a bigger challenge or would really love some enrichment activities. Maybe they've got lousy organizational skills and are acing this class because the subject matter comes easily to them but bad study habits will catch up with them in the future. Maybe they're doing badly in other classes and I'd want to find out why this one is different. Maybe I just want to be able to go home and say "Let me tell you all the GOOD things I just heard about you."
Honestly, I'd be put off by a teacher who thought it was a waste of their time to discuss these things with me. Or who was offended by a question like "What more could they be doing?" Heck, that's ALWAYS good to ask.

I agree with Cityplanner. I did great in school, but my parents met with my teachers because I was shy. They wanted to find out my level participation in class and they wanted to find ways to encourage me to be more outgoing. AA they would not have been impressed with you.

Courtney&Jason · December 2010

Scooter359:
Courtney&Jason:

So, what is the right kind of parental involvement? Should parents of kids doing well not interact with you at all because it is a waste of time?

ETA: And if this is a problem at your school, why don't they have a policy that conferences will only be scheduled with children that are doing poorly?

No, but some students(like me at the time) thinks it puts an unfair amount of pressure on them. A 97% is great, and instead of saying "good job" they get a "do better"

I wasn't referring to that part of the post at all. Just the overall implication that parents of children doing well shouldn't be bothered to attend conferences and stay involved in their child's education.

Cityplanner · December 2010

Scooter359:

No, but some students(like me at the time) thinks it puts an unfair amount of pressure on them. A 97% is great, and instead of saying "good job" they get a "do better"

I think that CAN be the situation, there are some crazy pushy parents out there.

But, you need more facts. Maybe it's a stupidly easy class and the kid could have gotten 100 if they bothered to study. I want to send the message that I always want my kids doing their best. And that's not measured by a number. If they work their butt off for a D, then I can ask no more. And if they half ass an A-, then I'm not happy with that either. I want them to know what it means to work hard and try their best; that more than a 97 in a random class will serve them well in life.

Tara n Mike · December 2010

tlynnus:
I would be pissed if I found out DS's teachers felt this way. I think that it is important for DS to know that we are interested in his schooling. I believe that going to the conferences reinforces to him that he is important and that we care about how he is developing. I don't know why a teacher would think that they are only there for the children who are not doing well.

This exactly.

Tara n Mike · December 2010

tlynnus:
I would be pissed if I found out DS's teachers felt this way. I think that it is important for DS to know that we are interested in his schooling. I believe that going to the conferences reinforces to him that he is important and that we care about how he is developing. I don't know why a teacher would think that they are only there for the children who are not doing well.

This exactly.

ridesbuttons · December 2010

Cityplanner:
AfterAll:

I am a high school teacher. What exactly is there to discuss? Clearly the kid is doing extremely well... and the kicker is... they always ask me if there is anything more the kids can be doing, or anything they can be doing differnetly. Seriously?

I'll be there no matter how my daughter is doing. I don't think parent/teacher conference participation necessarily means helicopter parenting or expecting perfection.

Off the top of my head, here are some IMPORTANT things for a good student's parents to find out: Maybe they're getting good grades because the class is way too easy and they need a bigger challenge or would really love some enrichment activities. Maybe they've got lousy organizational skills and are acing this class because the subject matter comes easily to them but bad study habits will catch up with them in the future. Maybe they're doing badly in other classes and I'd want to find out why this one is different. Maybe I just want to be able to go home and say "Let me tell you all the GOOD things I just heard about you."

Honestly, I'd be put off by a teacher who thought it was a waste of their time to discuss these things with me. Or who was offended by a question like "What more could they be doing?" Heck, that's ALWAYS good to ask.

Maybe you're saying that it's frustrating that there the kids whose parents you MOST need to talk to who are the LEAST likely to show up, and I get that sentiment. But that's not how I read your post.

I agree with this. And I am also from a family of teachers.

It's part of your job. Get over it.

kmkaull2 · December 2010

Meh, I'm a teacher, too, and see what you're saying. But I could never fault a parent for taking their child's education seriously. There's always feedback to give, and always something to improve upon. Plus, conferences are about so much more than academics. This is the chance to gain insight into a student and their life.

smilelari · December 2010

My parents were those people and that's exactly why I did so well. They cared enough to take the time to be involved and get to know my teachers even when it seemed like they didn't have to. I plan to be the parent that doesn't just react to poor performance, but that is always involved. I would hate for my kid to think I didn't care.

rebbieW · December 2010

This post bums me out a little. I was a straight A student with NO pressure from my parents. They had good communication with the school and it was a chance for me to feel good about my success and hard work. What a great feeling to know that your teacher is praising you directly to the most important people in your life thus far.

On the other hand, if you only mean the high-pressure, never satisfied type parents, I totally understand your point.

SusieQ1982 · December 2010

I don't believe in forcing your kids to try for perfection but I do believe it's important to have a relationship with your kid's teachers. Damn right I'll be at every parent teacher night.

AfterAll · December 2010

rebbie:
This post bums me out a little. I was a straight A student with NO pressure from my parents. They had good communication with the school and it was a chance for me to feel good about my success and hard work. What a great feeling to know that your teacher is praising you directly to the most important people in your life thus far.

On the other hand, if you only mean the high-pressure, never satisfied type parents, I totally understand your point.

Judgmental much? This IS what I meant. And it makes me laugh that people automatically assume that I suck and I don't give a crap about my students or about communication between parents and students.

I am in constant communication with the parents, and I encourage them to stay in contact with me throughout the year. In fact, in addition to contacting parents of students who are doing poorly, I even email parents of some of my best students just to say "hi" and let them know what a pleasure their child is, because it is a nice thing for parents to hear.

I am on the I&RS (intervention and referral service) committee, which is done on a volunteer basis and selected by the vice principal to troubleshoot ideas for students who are troubled or who are really falling behind. I was also the National Honor Society advisor for several years and facilitated student-student tutoring services. So please do not accuse me of being an "unimpressive" or uncaring teacher.

We have back to school night at the beginning of the year to introduce ourselves to the parents. They run through their child's schedule and go to each classroom for a few minutes at a time. They learn about the expectations and policies of the class, and what will be covered during the year.

We have open gradebooks with real-time access to the the grades, and an extremely functional email system. So functional in fact that I have parents email me to let ask me about the grade within mere minutes of me entering it.

For a parent with a student who has a 97 to come in and ask me what more she can be doing to raise her grade is frustrating for me... I usually end up responding by saying that she can keep doing what she is doing and then I mention what a nice kid she is and how well she interacts with her friends, etc. And I leave feeling badly for the kid and wondering if she is allowed any time to "be a kid" too.

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