Please tell me how you do time outs

McKee3 · December 2010

Up until the past week DD rarely had meltdowns but for the past week she has been impossible in every way. EVERYTHING is a fight, she's started hitting me when she doesn't get her way and desperate. It's almost like a switch is just flipped my happy kid is instantly very mad.

I've heard about the terrible twos or three but have never actually experienced it so any adivse or techniques you can share are so appreciated. I have a few books I need to read, Love & Logic, Happiest Toddler on the Block and Parenting with Love & Logic but I need ideas right away. I don't exactly have a lot of time to read books cover to cover these days. Thanks.

Sawyerplus1 · December 2010

DH and I just finished a course called Coping With Toddler Behavior and here's the "time out" tips they gave us:

1. time outs should be a last resort, 2. time outs should be 1 minute per age of child (2 years old = 2 minute time out), 3. children under 2 should not be given time outs separate from you, as they should not be isolated, ignored, or left without supervision, 4. time out is not a punishment, but a chance for a child to clear their mind/calm down, etc, 5. there should not be a special chair or area assigned to time outs- this reinforces the idea that it's a punishment, 6. after the time out, parent should calmly and respectfully explain what behavior is appropriate.

So that's some of what they said about Time Outs. Another option they suggest is something called Time Out Together, which may work well when you're out of the house. It's when you and LO go somewhere quiet and calm down together. It helps LO calm down, regroup, and transition to the next activity.

HTH.

Sawyerplus1 · December 2010

I will also mention that time outs are totally ineffective for DS. When I brought this up to his EIP, she mentioned that time outs are ineffective for many kids this age. It may work well for your LO, but just so you're aware that it's not always effective.

Mama Jan · December 2010

Sawyerplus1:

1. time outs should be a last resort, 2. time outs should be 1 minute per age of child (2 years old = 2 minute time out), 3. children under 2 should not be given time outs separate from you, as they should not be isolated, ignored, or left without supervision, 4. time out is not a punishment, but a chance for a child to clear their mind/calm down, etc, 5. there should not be a special chair or area assigned to time outs- this reinforces the idea that it's a punishment, 6. after the time out, parent should calmly and respectfully explain what behavior is appropriate.

This is what we do except for #5. namely because we have a very small house and I don't want to use bedrooms as timeout places. Sometimes if he's really upset with his brother and just out of control but not being destructive or disrespectful, I'll tell him to go to his room until he can get control of himself. And he does.

Timeout is in the hallway, I set the timer. We do the SuperNanny way where he has to stay there, if he leaves we set the time over. He rarely leaves more than once. When timeout is done, we talk about what happened, how it could have been different, we apologize if we need to (me included) and we give loves.

J&A2008 · December 2010

We just started doing timeouts. We're doing them for hitting or throwing things at his brothers. He can be a little brute! We're doing the timeouts so LO understands his behavior is not okay and so his brothers see that their injuries are not being ignored.

To do the time out, I tell him to sit down and stop playing, he's in a timeout for hitting. Then I put down whatever I'm doing and I sit with him or we sit on the couch or in a chair together and I tell him he can't play right now because he's in a timeout, then we count to 120. He can count to 30 on his own, so I figure this is good practice. Sometimes he counts with me, sometimes he's mad and doesn't count. When it's over, I tell him to go play again, and if he's hitting or throwing things, he'll have to do another time out.

McKee3 · December 2010

Thanks, it helps to know what others are doing. I've been giving her a warning and saying "_____ behavior is not ok" and if we do it again we will have a time out. That usually works and she yells "I don't want a warning" and stops the behavior. I have had to take her to her room so we could sit there to calm down, but she cries to get out and I have to sit by the door which just makes her more angry. I tell her we need to calm down before we can go out and play and when she finally does, I hug her and explain why we don't do this or that again.

I'm still sort of in shock over how drastically her mood changes and how stressful it can be, especially for DH who has a really hard time when she's not the perfect child. I guess it's "normal" but yikes! Thanks again.

HeatherAA · December 2010

We rarely have to put DD into a "time out" but when we do, we give her warning that if she continues with whatever behavior, she will go to time. If it gets to that point, we bring her to first step on our stairs in our living room and sit her down. We tell her that we are putting her in time for 2 minutes because ....whatever she did. Then when time is up, we remind her again why we put her there, remind her of whatever rules she needs to be reminded of and then make sure that we hug her and tell her we love her. We've been doing this for over a year and she totally understands the idea and it works.

exhausted_bride · December 2010

We are doing 1-2-3 magic and it's working wonders. We rented the DVD at the library for free. Highly recommend it. I've been blogging a little about it since Thanksgiving if your interested.

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