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What do you do when you & SO/DH disagree on RF vs FF

chucknorris11chucknorris11 member
in Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months

Ex and I completely disagree on this issue. I have her RF in my car, he has a seat mounted FF in his car. I've explained to him why she should be RF (he switched her before she was 20 lbs which REALLY pissed me off) and he just won't listen. If I email him the videos I am almost positive he won't watch them.

I am at a loss. I want her to be safe in his car and am just not comfortable with him having her FFing, but he won't listen to me. We are not together/don't live together so I don't know if he's just doing it because I don't want him to? I don't think her safety is something to mess with but all he will say is that "she likes it better".

Ugh. Is there anything I can do? He takes his car when he has visits with her so it's not like I can just use my car all the time. I just wish there were something that would change his mind. 

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Re: What do you do when you & SO/DH disagree on RF vs FF

  • heatherlaneheatherlane member

    I think your situation is different than most. I would just make mine watch the video and then say "see? now what?" but he did his own research, saw the European statistics where they typically RF for well over 2 years, and his mind was set.

    Do you guys do any kind of mediation meetings? Or are you close to any of his family members that you could tell about the issue so that maybe they could show him the video and stats?

    Sorry A...separation just sucks all around, doesn't it. GL...

    Um, yeah. The Bump be too crazy for pics of my kid.
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  • DiscusCoachDiscusCoach

    Wow! I am a driving instructor. I look at video, talk to experts and read all the info. REAR FACING is a must. I just bought the Britax so she could stay rear facing for a lot longer.

    Can you both go to talk to the highway patrol? Have them inspect the seat in both cars and hear what they have to say. 

    Life is either a daring adventure or it is nothing at all. Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BabyFruit Ticker
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  • erino&chrisherino&chrish
    I would try to really nicely ask him to RF and give him some printed material on it (easy reading of course so that he'll actually read it :) ).
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  • katiekate1974katiekate1974 member
    That's tough. If you were living together, I'd say just put your foot down, but since you're not, it's tough. Do you have a mutual friend he trusts who will talk to him? Do you gave an OK relationship with your ILs? If so, will one of the, talk to him?
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  • teeah22teeah22 member
    I don't think there's anything you can do about it, he's not doing anything illegal. It might be safer to be RF, but that doesn't mean that FF is inherently unsafe, kwim? Definitely explain why you prefer it that way but ultimately it's up to him what he wants to do with her when she's in his care.
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  • TSDTSD member

    I don't know what you can do. I'm sorry. MH never even asked/questioned me why E is still RF. He just assumes if I'm doing it, it must be what we're "supposed" to do.  And my son is prob over 30 lbs and he's at least 34 inches tall if not more.

    I'd see if you could get him to watch that video or something. Is there someone you have mutually that he'd listen to?

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  • chucknorris11chucknorris11 member

    He is really close with his sister and she FF'd both her kids at 1 & encouraged him to do it as well. She's the only one in his family who I really talk to.

     It's just such a frustrating situation. He always makes snide remarks when i bring her, like "Oh poor thing having to still be backwards in your car". Um, yea. That's because it's safer. Had he come to her 1 year appointment the pedi would have told him that as well.

     I think if I give him any printouts he'd just pitch them w/o reading. He's stubborn as all get out. 

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  • jnk062602jnk062602

    My DH thought it was kinda silly to keep her RF.  I showed him the video and he didn't really say much, but he is unlikely to admit he is wrong.  DD rides perfectly fine RF, but if she was car sick or unhappy in the car it would certainly come up frequently.  Luckily, it is a non-issue for us while she rides happy.

    For you, I don't think there is much you can do especially since she is over 20 pounds now and he is not breaking the law.  If you are still friendly with MIL/FIL you could try showing them the video and links and maybe if he got pressure from them it would be different.

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  • kimthgrtkimthgrt

    My DH REALLY pushed to switch DD over at like 10 months of something ridiculous like that..because she "will be happier b/c shewil be able to see us..and ___ and ___ did it with there kid"

    I did the sameas alll of you, showed him a video, explained I will NOT drive her around FF that early. Nothing changed his mind. Luckily Im the only one that drives them around and its my car the carseats are in. I won. We waited until she was 12months. DD#2 was born then so we had to switch her FF..my car only allows for one RF seat. 

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