Working Moms

Does your dh ever take off work when the kids are sick?

I knew going back to work after maternity leave the baby would get sick.  But never did I think that she would get sick because my 3 yo got her sick!  So now I'm missing my 2nd week back to work because BOTH kids are sick.  Ugh.  It's just so hard taking off from work after just returning from leave. 

It got me thinking though.  My dh just assumed I would take off (we're both lawyers so both are full time jobs).  I do get more sick time at my job (me-government vs. his private firm) but I have a ton to do too.  Does anyone else's dh assume they will take off from work when the kids are sick?

3 IUI's and 2 IVF's later- Brady arrived. Born at 36 weeks after PUPPS and pre-e/HELLP.
IUI- BFN IVF #1 -BFP! Allie is our 2nd IVF baby. Born at 36 1/2 weeks after pre-e again
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Re: Does your dh ever take off work when the kids are sick?

  • Well, we have a unique situation.  DH works 2 weeks on, 1 week off.  To take time off during his "on" time means he doesn't get paid at all.  So, it would doubly hurt us for him to take off.

    So, I'm the one to take off and I still get paid for it (and I get a TON of sick leave).

    BUT - the week he is off?  Obviously as he's off, he's the one taking care of DS in the first place, so there is no need for me to take off.

    Even if you can more easily take time off, you still have a job you need to do.  Your DH needs to step up and take SOME of the days.  Even if you do the most - he needs to pick up some of the slack. 

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
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  • DH is completely willing to take a day to stay home with DS, but it makes more sense for me to. I can work from home, DH can't. I also get 10 sick days a year, DH gets 3 (which I think is ridiculous, especially since he works for his dad). 

    Plus, I prefer being home with him. If DH takes him to the doctor, I pretty much interrogate him on every detail. But if I can't stay home, DH will. 2 weeks ago, I stayed home Tues, Thurs, and Wed afternoon. DH took Wed morning.

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  • My DH gets sick leave, while I do not. But I can work from home, while he cannot.  We usually share who takes off, esp if it is more than 1 day.  If I had sick leave too, it would probably be more me, though.
  • As I've been working here for 12 years my job is more flexible (DH has his own one man company/job) and thankfully my kids haven't gotten sick for more than a day or two (thank God).
  • No, DH never assumes that I will take off if DS is sick. If someone needs to stay home for illness or school closings, we discuss who should stay home based on their current workload/deadlines, etc.

    However, if both of us were in a situation where neither of us should miss, I would "take one for the team" and stay home with DS. It's easier to explain to my boss I need to stay home with my sick child then it is for DH to explain to his boss. And mainly it's b/c I am the mother. (flame away, it is what it is).

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  • imagefinancialdiva:

    However, if both of us were in a situation where neither of us should miss, I would "take one for the team" and stay home with DS. It's easier to explain to my boss I need to stay home with my sick child then it is for DH to explain to his boss. And mainly it's b/c I am the mother. (flame away, it is what it is).

    Kinda the same here.  I stay home more than DH, but he will stay home.  I have more leave, my boss is more flexible, etc. but I would still never assume I'd take all the time off. DH works closer to home too - and he can get DD picked up from daycare and to the doctor and home before I could even get all the way home.  I think our system is fair.

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  • No, DH assumes I'll stay home with DD. I can only remember one time he was home with her while I went to work, but he happened to be off work anyway, she just happened to get sick on his day off.

    In fact, he's gone in on his days off and asked me to call in, in order to keep from staying home with her when she's sick.

    But, he also makes slightly more than I do, so it does sort of make sense that if one of us stays home, it should be the one that makes less money.
  • Sometimes.  MH owns his own business.  While he can get away, its really hard for him to.  Usually, depending on how sick, I try to keep my appointments and MH will watch a "not so sick" child at his shop.  When DS1 was throwing up yesterday, I took the whole day off. 


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  • DH definitely takes off when DS is sick.  His job is more flexible than mine.
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  • DH and I are both also lawyers.  He took off yesterday and today.  We just base it on which one of us has the bigger pile of "must be done at the office" stuff
  • I always stay home because I can work from home and I get more PTO.  My husband has to see clients and go to court almost every day and it's a hard schedule to rearrange.  I do make more $ but luckily have a more flexible job.  It does irritate me sometimes, especially when I have to call MIL to help because I have something important to do at work.  Thank goodness (and knock on wood!!) my kids don't get sick that much.
  • We always talk about who's able to take off.  I like to do it if I can and my job tends to be more flexible.  I can work from home, have a blackberry, etc. and DH has to be physically in the office.  Plus, I have Wednesdays off anyhow and can flex that around if I need.  But if I have big meetings, travel, or deadlines, or if I've taken off the day before, he takes off instead.
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  • We are also both lawyers, but I am PT (both self-employed) and have a largely transactional practice.  And we rely more on dh's income, whereas mine is just "extra."  So naturally, I take off when LO is sick or needs doctor's appts, etc.

    If we were both FT and equally demanding schedules, then I would negotiate more balance.

    If I miss a lot of work days because LO is sick, dh is good about offering up wkd days or whatever he is able so that I can catch up.

  • This is so interesting to hear everyone's perspectives.  My dh stresses so much if he has to miss a day of work for anything- I think that is why I just assume I'm staying home- because I feel bad for him.  I have been at my job almost 20 years so I have seniority and flexibility but I still hate missing it- but it makes sense for me to stay home- even if I don't want to!
    3 IUI's and 2 IVF's later- Brady arrived. Born at 36 weeks after PUPPS and pre-e/HELLP.
    IUI- BFN IVF #1 -BFP! Allie is our 2nd IVF baby. Born at 36 1/2 weeks after pre-e again
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  • I do take off work most of the time when LO is sick.  But when I need to be at work, DH will take off or work at home.
  • Yup, we pretty much split the time 50/50.  He has more sick leave than I do (since I had to use all mine up for maternity leave not too long ago) but I have an easier time staying home from work (i.e. I have a much lighter work load than DH).  But, he is always more than willing to stay home and it's never assumed that I will be the one staying home. 
  • He just took a month of half-days off to be with my son when he was sick.  He does it all the time.
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  • DH's work is seasonal (construction in NE)...and he doesn't get any paid sick time...so during the spring/summer/fall I take off and during the winter he stays home with them...

  • I'm first choice, as DH works for an insurance agent with a small office and only gets 10 days off total a year--those 10 days are for vacation time, sick time, funeral time, whatever. Plus his job has a commission option so missing a day could mean the difference between making a nice bonus or not. However, DS wasn't doing great Sunday night (fussy, temp elevated but not a fever) and I had a big meeting Monday, DH told me that if DS wasn't well enough for daycare that he would stay home for me to be here for the meeting.

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  • Absolutely, whoever has more flexibility in the schedule that day will take the day(s) off.

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  • yep- he's always been the one to take off.

    he gets a lot of leave and has a flexible job.  I don't have any flexibility unless it is a true emergency. I do have one week day off a week, but DS ends up not being sick on those days usually.

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  • Provided my DH is not traveling (or I am not traveling -- travel means it is defacto the non-traveling parent), we tend to trade depending on who has the busier schedule.  If his is not busy, he takes the sick one and works when he can (he works from home).  If he is busy, I may take the day off or take my laptop and try to work from home when I can.  Sometimes we juggle between the two of us (like I cover for his call in the morning and he covers for my call in the afternoon).  Neither assumed the full burden would fall to the other given our current job flexibilities. 


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    DD -- 5YO
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  • Absolutely. We both take time off for sick kids, however he takes more time off for that reason than I do. He can work from home (I can't) and he get's sick time (I don't).
  • With Baby #1 we take turns taking off of work. Will probably do the same with #2.
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  • Dh leaves for work about an hour before DD and I get up, so usually he is already gone before we know that DD is staying home for the day.  And he works an hour away, so by the time he got back, I'd still have to call in late for the day - so it usually isn't worth it.  I am very fortunate that my dad is retired, so if I really can't call off, she can go to his house for the day.
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  • he takes off as much as I do.  maybe more since i'm starting to want to save up my sick leave to extend my mat leave for the next baby. 

    when we both need to get things done at the office we do split days where one of us will do AM and the other will come home at lunch to switch. 

  • He actually does more of them than I do because his boss is understanding about this stuff (while mine isn't). We try to split them based on who has a busier day, or sometimes we'll do half and half, but DH definitely does his part. I'm starting a new job soon so he will probably have to step up even more as I don't want to start off taking a lot of time off!

  • No because his current position trumps mine in terms of "flexiblity/urgency."  However, he will take a very similar position to mine next summer for three years and I am counting the days till he doesn't have anymore excuses!

    What really pisses me off is when DS has some sniffles in the morning and is a little cranky and DH says "I think you should keep him home today."  Uh, yeah, if I am the only one taking on the responsibility, I am the only one making that call.

  • I think I am first in line to stay home because I have more flexibility.  I can work from home, work after hours, etc. where DH has a long commute and is not able to work from home at all.

    That being said, he will take the day off or split the day if I have something pressing at work.  Tomorrow the nanny needs the afternoon off (and she NEVER takes time off so I am more than willing to accommodate) but I have something I absolutely have to do tomorrow.  So DH is going to work in the morning and will come home around lunch time to stay with the boys. We just work it out.

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  • We b take time off when DS is sick.  We just work it out based on what our schedule is for the day.  I am in sales and often have to be out the door very early for appointments at 6/6:30am so those mornings, DH has to stay home.  Sometimes I just work a few hours in the morning and then take the rest of the day off so DH can go to work.  I made it clear when I went back to work that this was 50/50 on everything....dr's appts, daycare pick up/drop off, sick days, snow days, etc......DH is pretty good about it most of the time.  I told DH that if he didn't want to worry about any of that, then I would not go back to work.
  • No, he never has and probably never will even if we have additional kids. But I knew and expected that before we had kids since DH is a surgeon. if he were to stay home on an operative day, he'd be canceling surgery for those other kids and their nervous parents. Or if his misses a clinic day then people miss their follow ups from surgery or opportunities to schedule for surgery.

    It wouldn't be a ton better for me to miss a day of work either, since if I call in they have to scramble to find my replacement anesthesia-wise. Luckily I've never had to, the nannies have dealt with DS's minor URIs over the last 2yrs so we haven't had to skip a day yet *knock on wood*

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  • DH not only takes off if a child is sick but he's taken off on days that I am sick and home with the kids (i work part time).

    I get 1/2 the amount of vacation and sick days/year b/c i'm part time - so he actually has taken off more than me for the kid's sick days- b/c i only work 2-3 days a week... it's hard if i have to take off one of those few days b/c someone is sick.

  • I'm in law school and I hate missing class so usually DH takes off.  He has his own business.  If he really can't take off, I will.  
  • imagetrackchik6:
    I'm in law school and I hate missing class so usually DH takes off.  He has his own business.  If he really can't take off, I will.  

    I remember a mom of twins from my law school class. I thought she was crazy (in a good way) having kids while in school- we alI admired her!   I could barely get myself through school.  I couldn't imagine also taking care of a child!  Kudos to you.

    3 IUI's and 2 IVF's later- Brady arrived. Born at 36 weeks after PUPPS and pre-e/HELLP.
    IUI- BFN IVF #1 -BFP! Allie is our 2nd IVF baby. Born at 36 1/2 weeks after pre-e again
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  • DH's mom would typically be the backup if DS is sick, but he would definitely stay home if need be. We would figure out who has the more difficult schedule that day, and maybe split the day if need be. DH actually takes DS to most of his scheduled dr.'s appts.
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  • imageJillAly:

    imagetrackchik6:
    I'm in law school and I hate missing class so usually DH takes off.  He has his own business.  If he really can't take off, I will.  

    I remember a mom of twins from my law school class. I thought she was crazy (in a good way) having kids while in school- we alI admired her!   I could barely get myself through school.  I couldn't imagine also taking care of a child!  Kudos to you.

    Aw thanks!  I graduate in a few weeks - so close yet it seems so far away since I have to study for finals now! 

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