Adoption
Feeling Blue
DH and I have decided to adopt. Although we are very excited about our decision, I still feel sad that we will never have a biological child of our own. The holidays aren't helping any either. I just want to sleep all of the time and everything feels like a HUGE effort. Is this normal?
zanymermaid
The Chick Who Loves Lit
The Chick Who Loves LitThis discussion has been closed.
Re: Feeling Blue
Yes, you are completely normal. Feeling tired and everything feeling like a huge effort are classic signs of depression. How long have you felt like this? Some things you may want to try that can help: Exercise even if you don't feel like it (one of the best ways to combat depression is just to go on regular walks), eat healthy and get enough sleep (but not too much!), try to relieve stress (breathing and relaxation exercises help some people, get a massage if you can afford it, try yoga). If these things don't help and you are not opposed to it, talk to your doctor about medication. Some people hate the idea of meds, but they can be incredibly helpful and make you feel back to your old self.
I also want to add that once your little one is with you, you will probably forget that you don't share the same genes. I know I do this all of the time, and our son is only 6 months old. My husband and I will both catch ourselves saying things like "I wonder if he'll have curly hair. I have curly hair and so do both of my parents. Oh, wait. DUH." I can't imagine having any other child but this one, and we never really think about the fact that we don't share the same genes and I didn't carry him for 9 months. We're too busy snuggling, laughing, playing with him and just enjoying our lives with our son that we just forget about this. While it's normal to mourn not having a bio child, I just wanted you to know that eventually you will heal and end up experiencing something really amazing. When you do experience it, you wouldn't trade your adopted child for any other child or experience, and you wouldn't be able to imagine your life without that specific child.
I'm sorry you are having a rough time. Take care of yourself.
This X's 100000000.
I just wanted to also advocate for talking to your doctor about how you are feeling. It sounds like you have the same symptoms I had when diagnosed with depression. Although mine is biological and I believe yours is situational. Meaning I will always be on meds (they are glorious) but (if you aren't opposed to them) you may only need meds or talk therapy just to get you over the hump.
Good luck!!!
Welcome, I remember you from IF! I'm sorry you are having a tough time and truthfully the holidays are really rough for me right now too because I'm tired of waiting for a child! I agree with what has been posted so far. I just want to stress that regular exercise is such a good way to combat depression! It actually produces a chemical response in your body similar to what the meds would produce. I know when you are depressed the last thing most of us want to do is exercise, but make yourself exercise every day for two weeks and see what you think!
Also-I wanted to say that i've been exactly where you are. I mourned the loss of a biological child and couldn't imagine adopting. However, we recently brought a baby home (she ended up going back to her birth father after two weeks). When we brought that baby home it, how she came into our lives did not matter. We were both completely in love and she was out daughter immediately. Similar to Go_Dawgs above, I was driving down the street thinking how much I needed to get my hair highlighted because it hadn't been done in forever. My next thought was, well you couldn't get it done because you were pregnant. Obviously I hadn't ever been pregnant so that thought was completely random, but I think it meant that I felt so strongly connected to that baby. Any questions I had about welcoming an adopted child were completely cleared up. Now, I just can't wait for my forever child to arrive!