I had very high hopes of nursing DS. I very much wanted it. He had troubles nursing in the hospital (wouldn't latch, fell asleep constantly). He got his first bottle of expressed milk on day 3 in the hospital (it was the first measurable amount that he ate since birth). We had an extended hospital stay with nurses who could not help with BFing. And thus began my EPing adventure.
DS exclusively ate BM until solids at 6 months. He has never had formula, which is something I am very proud of. I had amazing supply until 6 months (40 oz per day), and then it dropped suddenly. I just cannot wake up at night to pump (I turn off my alarm which is across the room and don't even remember it). I think that is the culprit, and after increasing my time at each session and adding more sessions during the day my supply can't even keep up.
The only reason why I haven't quit EPing yet is because I am scared that I will regret it. I am thrilled that I made it this far. I am thinking of quiting around the nine month mark in Dec to avoid having to pump on christmas vacation. That's almost a year and my stash can probably make it to 10 months.
I really wanted 12 months, but pumping is too much. I hate it. I feels so strange. I travel every weekend to school 4 hours away and it is a PITA to pump in the bathroom where I stay overnight.
DS has slowed down in gaining weight and I am worried that it will be a real concern at his coming up appointment. I can't help but feel like it is my milk. I try my best to eat healthy for him and take my vitamins. As much as I hate to admit it, I feel like he would do better on formula since my milk is what he mostly eats and this kid hasn't switched clothing sizes since 3 months old. I know that this is probably irrational of me to feel.
It just does not fit into my life, but I hate to give it up. I feel like I will have failed DS and that it would be selfish of me to quit. I feel so conflicted.