Am I the only one? — The Bump
TTC After a Loss

Am I the only one?

I feel like such a horrible wife and homemaker since our loss. I'm completely unmotivated to cook, clean, work out, or give DH non-FWP lovin'. I do these things still, but not as well or as often as I used to and I just don't want to. I used to love cleaning and making dinner...now, not so much.

I work a lot of hours and so does DH, but I still get my 2 days off a week where I could do these things. Instead, I'm lame and lazy.for example, I had yesterday off and the only productive thing I did was go to my dr appt.  The rest of the day I booked Vegas and Bumped.

I'm not going to take a Bump break, but I need to pull my head out and be better. So I might not be on as much as usual...I'm starting to  feel guilty.
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Re: Am I the only one?

  • I'm the exact same way Sad

    I've been trying desperately to get myself out of this funk, but sadly nothing seems to be working.

    I have been trying to stick to bumping during work hours only, and turning the computer off while at home in the evening.

    I hope you find the answer, good luck!

    * PAL/PgAL Bumpie & NBC-Twi Nestie * image Bloggity Blog BFP #1 in 2001 ? natural m/c @ 9w4d ? TTC our first since 2009 ? BFP #2 on 8/25/2010 ? natural M/C @ 7w6d on 9/25/2010 Clomid cycle #1 @ 50mg = BFP #3 on 1/1/11 ~ EDD 9/14/2011!!! Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • You are not the only one. I have only just recently started caring about anything in the last few weeks, maybe month. It's hard to take care of things like cooking and cleaning when all your energy is spent on trying to just FEEL like a normal person again. So don't be too hard on yourself!

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    3 failed IUIs, IVF #1: 18R, 12M, 10F, 3 poor quality 5d embryos transferred= BFP #4!!!!!

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  • You are so not the only one. Don't beat yourself up over it, I'm sure your DH understands.

    I was really bad after my last m/c, I did absolutely nothing! Now I'm starting to get back to a normal routine. It takes time ((hugs)) 

     

  • You're not alone. I'm a completely different person since my 2nd loss. I have no enthusiasm for anything.

    Don't feel bad. We all cope with our grief differently. Take all the time you need to feel better.

    Natural MCs 2/4/09, 8/22/09 & 4/7/10
    Dx with Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome (APS)
    BFP #4 5/14/12
    5/17/12...1st Betas- 176, P4 3.6
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  • You are not the only one! I feel exactly the same way.
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  • I'm the opposite. I've thrown myself into cooking and cleaning like never before.

    Granted, I work from home, so it's way easier for me, but I've gone overboard into the "nesting" mode since the loss and focused less on working, which is bad. I feel obsessed now with keeping everything clean and getting ready for a future baby. I wasn't even like that when I was pregnant. 

    Considering you work outside the home 5 days a week, Shanna, I don't think you should feel guilty for wanting to relax on your days off. You can't do everything, I mean it's good to work on it but I don't be so hard on yourself.

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  • You aren't the only one. I'm a SAHW and after this last m/c, I did nothing except clean my bathrooms (because dirty bathrooms gross me out). My house was so freaking messy. We had no food. I stopped cooking. Poor DH.
  • Thanks girls  :)

    image bryanandkatrina:

    I have been trying to stick to bumping during work hours only, and turning the computer off while at home in the evening.

    I wish I could Bump from work! I can from my phone but that's a PITA! Maybe I will try a time limit or something...
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  • You're definitely not alone Shanna. I desperately need to clean/organize my  house, I don't even have the drive to decorate for Xmas. Unless DH pushes it we might not. I don't care much about cooking and yeah... sexytime... hah. Forget it. All I really want to do is curl up on the couch and bury myself in a book, bump, or sleep. Poor DH. He's working long hours and I feel bad b/c I am definitely slacking on keeping up the house, he does the horses day and night mostly w/out complaint. I help sometimes but even that I'm pretty lazy about. I just can't pull myself out of it... I can't wait till the holidays are over, I'm hoping that's it.
    Easter 2010 BFP #1: EDD 12/7/10
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  • I am right there with you!  Nutrition has gone to crap around here and cleaning...ha!  Poor DH too...I'm trying to get out of the funk for him!!
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  • image shanna82:
    Thanks girls  :)

    image bryanandkatrina:

    I have been trying to stick to bumping during work hours only, and turning the computer off while at home in the evening.

    I wish I could Bump from work! I can from my phone but that's a PITA! Maybe I will try a time limit or something...

    Is it sad that's my goal lol to not work while at work and to use it as my bumping time instead of my productive work time - ya know, what they pay me for. Last time I checked bumping wasn't part of my job description.

    * PAL/PgAL Bumpie & NBC-Twi Nestie * image Bloggity Blog BFP #1 in 2001 ? natural m/c @ 9w4d ? TTC our first since 2009 ? BFP #2 on 8/25/2010 ? natural M/C @ 7w6d on 9/25/2010 Clomid cycle #1 @ 50mg = BFP #3 on 1/1/11 ~ EDD 9/14/2011!!! Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I'm in a rut too. All that plays through my head all day is this from my Dale Carnegie training: "I know people in a RUT who are going to STAY in a RUT! Why? I'll tellya why! Because they DON'T have the ability to GET THINGS DONE!" Whatever. I stopped cooking for a long time, I gave up on cleaning ages ago....the only thing that motivated me to even clean was because my in laws were coming. DH doesn't feel I love him as much because I don't have much non-FWP sex.
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  • Dont feel guilty. You are not alone.

    I have been the same way. I am not working right now so I know I have no excuse for it but somedays I literally have to pull myself off of the couch to geet things done. I would so much rather lay around, watch raunchy reality tv and eat comfort foods.

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  • I'm the same way hun. I haven't worked in *almost* 2 weeks... so my house should be spotless shouldn't it?

    I have been spending more time with DH when he's home. But I've been so lazy lately it isn't funny. Lately, I've been also too lazy to bump too! Is that bad?


    BFP#1 {Cashew} - 9.19.09 EDD 5.26.10
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  • *hugs*  I'm sorry :(  I have been battling with that a lot.  Not to be rude/intrusive, but have you talked to someone about it?  I found that when I talked to someone and started getting help with my depression that I started enjoying things a whole lot more.
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  • I'm with you and all the OP's Shanna. Serenity now!
    BFP #1: 5/3/10 Natural MC: 5/11/10 BFP #2: 3/24/11 C/p: 3/29/11 BFP #3: 5/17/11 C/P: 5/20/11 BFP #4: 11/13/11 Daisypath Anniversary tickersImage and video hosting by TinyPic imageImage and video hosting by TinyPic ~*~Congrats to my TTCAL buddies toshbosh233 & clairenmonique, EDDs 4/2011; bekahjen, EDD 5/2011; MCH77, EDD 7/2011; HokieMomma, EDD 8/2011; shanna82, EDD 9/2011; Rachel4127, EDD 10/2011~*~
  • image bryanandkatrina:

    I'm the exact same way Sad

    I've been trying desperately to get myself out of this funk, but sadly nothing seems to be working.

    I have been trying to stick to bumping during work hours only, and turning the computer off while at home in the evening.

    I hope you find the answer, good luck!

    All of this. 

    image 

    BFP #1 5/2010 - Missed m/c at 8 weeks
    BFP #2 2/2011
    Baby G welcomed with love and relief 10/2011
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  • image itsmegin:

    I'm the opposite. I've thrown myself into cooking and cleaning like never before.

    I'm a little bit of both. I am not at all motivated to do somethings, but I am totally not motivated about others. Cleaning has become my obsession. It's totally focused around dishes and laundry, but it's like all my anxiety manifests itself that way. I'm a little over the top about it, but it's one thing that I can control and there is instant gratification from it. I know I can't fail at doing the dishes darn it.

    I found that I have to bribe myself to do other stuff. I make a list, decide what my reward is and then stick to it. It was really tough at first, but it helped pull me out of the slump with everything else.

     

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  • I hear ya....

    I think it may be borderline depression- I feel it too.  It seems like everything I used to care about isn't as important anymore.  I was a workout/health nut before the pg and m/c... I'm having a hard time finding a passion for it again.  I won't even tell you how messy our place is... I've been slacking big time.  And non-FWP lovin'... just not high on my list of priorities. 

    I think it will get better with time.  I pull away from bumping when it starts interfering with other aspects of my life.  Not a big deal... it'll always be here when you need it.


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  • Nope, Shanna, you are definitely not alone.  I find that being on the computer is addictive and I really have to time myself so I don't spend too much time on it.  Bumping is incredibly addictive.  I have energy and am "myself" at work, but when I come home, I start to shut down - I don't even think I'm aware of it when it starts to happen, but I get home, bump for a while, and then just sort of lie around.  I make dinner and clean up and do the things that HAVE to get done, but I have let other things slide.  I don't clean as much as I should.  Laundry piles up.  When I do finally do it, I don't put it away like I should - I'll put a pile on the chest at the foot of the bed, and we'll just dig our clothes out of it every day.  I just dont feel motivated, and I can't put my finger on what it is!   I'll be driving home from work thinking of all that needs to get done when I get home, then, when I get home, all motivation flies out the window, and I wind up getting very little done before I crash into bed, exhausted, another evening largely wasted.  It's sad.   I've fought with depression before, and I talked to my doctor about it -- he said this looks to him like its more a normal part of the grieving process, to feel shut down and out of it for awhile, rather than "depression."  All I know is, it sucks... 

    Hugs to you!

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  • *hugs*

    image LilMaggs:
    *hugs* Not to be rude/intrusive, but have you talked to someone about it?

    this, too! It might help you to feel better. My OB gave me a list of grief counselors right after we learned about the mc

  • Huge Hugs. I know I have been not as motivated for a while know I was just thinking this today. I feel like for me it probably is partially depression. I wish I had more motivation to clean and cook. I am sorry you are going through this Shauna.
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    In 2010 Diagnosed with 2 Blood clotting issues MTHFR and Factor V Lebien. Also have a progesterine issue.
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  • You painted a picture of me in your post. I feel the same way and have changed in the same ways. It sucks.

    I'm sorry girl - I hope you are able to work it out.

    (((HUGS)))

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  • You are definitely not the only one! I feel like I've been in a fog for months. It's pretty awful :/ I think everyone is different though, lean on your DH and maybe you can start to feel better. 
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  • I was the same way for a good two or three months.  I don't even work..but I still couldn't make myself clean, cook, heck, I didn't even dry my hair for a while.  I'm back into the swing of things now though...I hope you get there soon as well!! 
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  • shanna- im the same way- except that i hired a cleaning lady so i feel less guilty about not cleaning- ive just been so blah-
    Trying to conceive since Oct 2008, missed M/C June 1, 2010, IF treatment Spring 2011, BFP June 2011, Aiden Thomas born Feb 12, 2012.

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  • (((hugs)))
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  • Oh you are not alone. I feel the same way. My Dh actually told me that during ovulation/FWP time, that I treat him like a sperm donor hahaha. I really don't have the motivation I used to - just like you in all the same areas. I hope you feel better and we are all here for you.
    BFP May 2010 - July 6th no HB at 8 wks
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  • I am struggling with the same things.  I used to make fun and exciting meals and since my loss, I have been cooking easy and boring meals.  I also feel lazy and outside of bumping, I play games online.  I think it is totally ok.  Let your body take time.  We have gone through a lot and are still going through many hormonal changes.  Some days are great, some days are crappy.  I hope you feel better soon.

  • You are definitely not alone. I seem go through stages where I don't want to do anything. I just lay on the couch and watch TV.

    image

    * PG #1 2/26/09: mm/c 4/14/09 at 10w4d | PG #2 8/5/09: mm/c 9/29/09 at 11w3d (boy) * 
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