same old, IL vent. LONG.
cynnnabun
member
Since I'm fighting with DH, I'm turning to you ladies. MIL and I don't really see eye to eye on things, and haven't. We don't argue, ever, I think it's just an unspoken thing between us. I find her rude, and pushy, and just, not my style. But I don't really make a big thing of it, cause she's my husband's mother.
Anyway, on Thanksgiving we did our reveal (his entire family was SERIOUSLY hoping for a boy) and, we're having a little girl. His mom cut the cake and goes. "Oh. It's a girl." Very unethusiasctically. (Which is completely what I was expecting, so no big deal.) But then she turns to DH and goes "So, Just try again. I don't care what she says, try again." Um excuse me? She knows I don't want another baby after this, so that's why the comment was made, but this is pretty much why I don't like her. He doesn't get to just "try again" without my consent, crazy lady.
So that was fun, and now I'm sitting on the couch and his grandmom comes over and starts talking and saying how they're going to get a mini crib or something to MIL's house so the baby can stay overnight. HAHA. First off, she smokes in the house, and secondly, I'm not leaving my child with that woman overnight, like, ever. Let alone when she's an infant. So I just kinda smiled and laughed. But didn't say anything. And grandmom goes "We're going to share. Right? She's not saying anything. Right? Right?" and my DH laughs and goes "Ya."
Um. He knows it's never gonna happen, and basically the fight is all about when we're going to fill them in on that tidbit. He's so afraid to stir the pot with his mother, he'd rather fight with me then her, but seriously. She's gonna figure it out, so why are we playing this game with them? They have a seriously skewed expectation of what this is going to be like and I don't understand why we're feeding her it. I want to take a stand and set boundaries and he just wants to play nice. Ughhh.
I know some people have no problem with overnights, and that's fine for them. To each their own, but it's not me. I didn't let my DD sleep over her FATHER's house until she was 3. There's no way I'm leaving this baby with a woman I don't like in a house that smells like smoke. Not happening.
Sorry. I'm just frustrated with his inability to stand up to her about anything. And I needed to whine. 
Baby #4; 7/7/2018
Re: same old, IL vent. LONG.
Yikes! Sorry that she's such a biitch
. I really don't care for my IL's eaither. When they were here for Thanksgiving, MIL demanded that they will be the ONLY ONES to celebrate Christmas with my baby. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
You and I are in the same boat - DH's really need to stand up for their family first. And when I say family, I mean US. They now have their own family that they need to chosoe how to raise. Mommy-dearest is no longer in teh big-picture and any decision concerning this child needs to be made between husband and wife - the mother and father.
As for the crazy MIL, I think it's best that you put your foot down firm and fast. And when she asks for an explination don't feel like you owe her one. When you say "We don't believe in sleep overs" that should explain it clear as a bell. Don't let this drag on until the baby's born because then it will just become way more difficult. I had an issue with MIL wanting to 'live' with us two weeks before my EDD so she could make sure to be here and be in the delivery room when it all happens. HAHAHA I DON'T THINK SO! No one will be 'living' with me other than my dogs, DH and baby and I choose who's in the delivery room. Yeah, when I told DH to 'kick her out' of the delivery room she was really pissy at me but now, she gets it and it isn't an issue. I could only imagine how much bigger of a deal it would become if we waited until my legs are spread and I'm pushing her out.
June Siggy: Fave pic of Aubrey and me
That is frustrating. I'm sorry. My DH doesn't like to stand up to his parents either, even when he flat out disagrees with them. It's a process. He and I usually have to discuss the 'issue' at length and I have to prompt him before he'll approach them and tell them his opinion. AND if he can ignore it and make it go away that way, he will. It makes me crazy.
As long as your husband is on the same page with you regarding the over-night visits, I wouldn't worry too much. I would just talk to him about how it's going to hurt you all later if he doesn't clear the air now and be honest with his Mom about the 'no overnights'. See if you can't gently urge him to have that conversation with her.
Good luck!!!
He should stand up to her. And the earlier you set up boundaries, the better. Putting it off isn't going to help any.
I was looking for this Yiddish proverb I saw once, but I couldn't find it. It's something like:
"When a man takes a wife, he divorces his mother." ;-)
Try using that one on him. Sorry I can't find the source. I think it was in Leo Rosten's The Joys of Yiddish, but I have another book of Jewish sayings at home it could be from.
Mac and cheese lover!
Thank you ladies, for just being on my side. I know I'm a little anal about overnights, but I just don't like to be away from my kids. haha.
I think next time it comes up (probably Christmas, cause I hope not to see her until then.) I'll just say "We aren't comfortable with overnights." Or something along those lines. And DH can be mad at me for starting it, but it needs to be done. He'll live.
Baby #4; 7/7/2018
If YH has a hard time standing up to her, I'd use the "we'll see" + a smile approach. This is what I say as an answer to anything - even to my own mom. Examples:
My mom: "I can't wait for you to bring the baby to our house next year for Christmas." Me: "We'll see." and smile.
My MIL: "I can't wait to see the baby in [MH]'s christening gown when he or she is baptized!" Me: "We'll see." and smile.
My SIL: "You should only buy a car seat with European safety ratings - it's so much safer." Me: "We'll see." and smile.
Works like a charm. I figure that when the baby is here, and she tries to pry it out of your arms, it will be easier to say "oh hellz no, I'm not comfortable with that."
My thing is, I don't know exactly how I'm going to be when the baby gets here. Maybe the baby being around dogs (smoking is a little different since we're talking about the health of your baby) won't bother me as much as I thought, who knows? My point is, why stress over something when the baby hasn't even arrived. "We'll see" + smile seems like a great idea to me. Good luck!
Tell your husband he made vows to you forsake all others and to let no man put asunder. You not his mommy and ask him why her feelings are more important than yours. I'm sorry but that does not sit well with me, not at all.
I don't think you are anal at all. I would not let my child stay overnight with a smoker, yes even a grandparent. They don't like it, too damn bad. My child's health and safety are more important than her feelings.
Sorry I don't mean to sound snappy I just think you need to nip this in the bud now before she starts to get her heart set on having the baby over even more.