Apparently I am a bad mother (long)

M.Amy · November 2010

At least according to my mother because I would not give Matt a cube of cheese after dinner.

My parents live on the East Coast so I Skype with them every night. My mom is very upset they live so far away and so I do this out of love for them. When I get home from work I turn on the video camera and they watch Matt until he falls asleep. This is EVERY night. DH and I have no privacy and our dinner conversation goes like this:

Mom: "Have you tried putting cheese on the food?" (as Matt happily gobbles up steamed cauliflower and broccoli)

Me: "No Mom, he likes the veggies as is, why would I put cheese on them?"

Mom: "So they taste better."

Me: "sigh"

(repeat this exchange every night)

Mom: "Can you move the computer so I can see him better?"

Mom: "Can you make him blow me kisses?"

Mom: "Does he like grilled cheese?" (as Matt eats the panko breaded tilapia I made)

Me: "Yes he gets it for lunch sometimes why?"

Mom: silence

You can tell she does not approve of the healthy food choices we are making for Matt. Well tonight Matt ate turkey, guacamole, olives, spaghetti, banana and apple but that was not enough for my mom. She wanted us to give Matt cheese. We said no because Matt was throwing the rest of his food and that means dinner is over. Well she started crying and said that Matt was hungry and he was not eating enough. Now I stress enough as it is over Matt's weight but I also know that toddlers eat a lot one day and not so much another. Also, what Matt ate today for dinner was plenty of food.

Anyway, I am now pissed because if I didn't Skype with her every day then I wouldn't have to put up with her bullsh!t every night. There is a reason why I moved over 1500 miles away from her.

NewMrs07 · November 2010

I think you should Skype less often. Personally, I would go nuts if I did that every night. I Skype with my parents about twice a week at most. None of us have time to do it more often, plus DH would be pissed if I had my mom hearing our conversations at dinner every night.

That said, do you give Matt any cheese at all? Because it's good to give them cheese, milk and/or yogurt every day to meet their dairy requirements, which are much higher than ours. If you don't want to give cheese you can give cottage cheese or more milk. Just a thought, Adrian loves cheese so I give him some every day.

M.Amy · November 2010

NewMrs07:
do you give Matt any cheese at all? Because it's good to give them cheese, milk and/or yogurt every day to meet their dairy requirements, which are much higher than ours. If you don't want to give cheese you can give cottage cheese or more milk. Just a thought, Adrian loves cheese so I give him some every day.

Oh Matt gets cheese as snacks throughout the day and gets a yogurt with breakfast every morning. We do give him cheese at dinner as well it was just this one time we did not because it was obvious he was done eating.

bhwillis@comcast.net · November 2010

I also agree that maybe you shouldn't skype every night. It is a great idea for your mom to see you little man grow but you also need some time as a family yourself. Maybe try to do a few minutes before bedtime a few nights a week. Don't let your mothers questioning of what you are feeding Matthew get you so mad that you get upset with her, he will only eat what he likes.

Kandie35 · November 2010

All I have to say is that you are a beautiful tolerant person and a much better daughter than am I!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are a good momma. And yes, there usually IS a good reason we move away from family! ((HUGS))

busybea · November 2010

I agree with Kandie, although I would have exploded a long time ago. My mother has her "opinions" I usually tell her thank you, but keep them to yourself, my father agrees with me 100%. We get along extremely well but there are times I want to scream at the top of my lungs and tell her to stop telling me how to raise my child, but I bite my tongue and "agree", she usually gets the point and knows that i'll never do what she suggested. hehehe

Peppernut · November 2010

OMG, Amy, tears over CHEESE?

I am so sorry you're dealing with that! You are going above and beyond with daily skype. She should trust you, I am sorry she doesn't see that.

Piranha54 · December 2010

Oh my! You are so not a bad mother!! And you are an amazing daughter. I live 15 min from my mom and 20 from DH's and neither of them see or talk to Ellie everyday! I agree, Skype less - your mom may be upset for a while, but hopefully she'll figure out that it is less stressful to you and then everyone can enjoy the call more.

Oh and I'm late to the party, but your new siggy pics are adorable!!

fauxshelley · December 2010

ITA with w/ everyone else. There is no reason to skype during every meal. I would set aside a few hours each week, and let her watch him play. Dinner time is family time. I have said this many times Amy, you are too hard on yourself. Now I wonder how much of that is you, and how much is your mom harping on you.

superaunt · December 2010

OMG woman, this is insane! Skyping EVERY NIGHT with your parents??!?! You must be crazy! ; )

You are NOT a bad mother- and I really really want to come have dinner at your house one night- sans the camera! YUM!

YaraC · December 2010

It's time to limit the Skyping. My goodness, how have you stayed sane. If it must be every night, limit it to 10 or 15 minutes. She may be upset at first but SHE WILL GET OVER IT.

pahokie · December 2010

You are an excellent mother and a saintly daughter!

I vote that you have a web cam "failure" for a week or two, and then restart with less frequent skype sessions.

kimisuejoia · December 2010

We Skype every day too, but first thing in the morning. That way it ends up being about a 3-5 minute session (by the time Mom gets up L is almost ready for his first nap!) She says Hi, he bangs on the keyboard for a second and we go on with our day. No eating to stress over but still a chance to say good morning.

rsd12 · December 2010

Wow you are a saint - a great daughter, and a great mom! Every night??? Not for me! If you lived closer would you see her everyday????? We live close to our Mom's & barely see them.. we joke with my husband's mom that we would probably see her more on a Web cam (they got that for our gift last christmas since his sister & kids moved away).

M.Amy · December 2010

Thanks for the support ladies.

Skyping every day is excessive. Now that Matt moves around so much I spend my entire time running after him with my laptop. I need to figure something out so that my mom doesn't feel like I am punishing her by taking away the nightly visits. I just cannot stand the drama.

Pesky · December 2010

Umm, yeah, time to cut back on the skyping. If this interaction is making you stressed and feel less secure in your awesome parenting, rein it in.

august06mom · December 2010

Time to cut the cord from your mom. How does your DH feel about having his privacy invaded every single night during dinner? He must love it.

KristelRobin · December 2010

Kandie35:

All I have to say is that you are a beautiful tolerant person and a much better daughter than am I!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This!

Too much Skyping, Amy. You are obviously a saint, otherwise you would have exploded at your mom a long time ago. Even if you still want to call every night, for your own sanity (and DH's), maybe you could at least start the Skype up after dinner.

Peppernut · December 2010

M.Amy:
Thanks for the support ladies.
Skyping every day is excessive. Now that Matt moves around so much I spend my entire time running after him with my laptop. I need to figure something out so that my mom doesn't feel like I am punishing her by taking away the nightly visits. I just cannot stand the drama.

I send a video every day, maybe that would ease the transition?

M.Amy · December 2010

august06mom:
Time to cut the cord from your mom. How does your DH feel about having his privacy invaded every single night during dinner? He must love it.

DH puts up with it. He is a saint. I really have a horrible relationship with my mother and Matt is the one thing we have in common.

Daisiesinmygarden · December 2010

Uh uh... I'd have to put a stop to that. Esp. w/the drama she is creating. I'd scale back to once a week at most. My mom loves on the east coast and my MIL lives 4 hours away and I still wouldnt considering Skyping daily.

dianah36 · December 2010

Wow, you are a good daughter. But I have to ask, why is your mother so passionate about M eating cheese?

P.G.&A.M. · December 2010

You're not a bad mom. If you had him on an unnecessary fat free diet then I'd have an issue as kids need fat in their diet for growth and development of nervous tissue, making hormones, ect... Or if he was grossly underweight and that was one of the few things he would eat then I'd question restricting his access to cheese. But it doesn't sound like that's your case at all. It sounds like he eats a balanced diet and he was just done with meal time.

I'd slowly start cutting back the Skype time. Mom is a grown up who's raised her babies. It's your turn to raise your family and she doesn't need to be present every night. Frankly I think more than once a week is excessive.

M.Amy · December 2010

dianah36:
Wow, you are a good daughter. But I have to ask, why is your mother so passionate about M eating cheese?

I don't know! She also constantly asks if we give Matt cookies or cake when she knows we are holding off on that until he is two. She let me grow up to be a very picky eater. She would make special dinners for me every night because I didn't feel like eating what everyone else ate. Because of that as an adult there were so many foods I didn't like because I was never made to eat them. DH and I are determined to make sure Matty likes a wide range of foods.

M.Amy · December 2010

Kandie35:
All I have to say is that you are a beautiful tolerant person and a much better daughter than am I!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are a good momma. And yes, there usually IS a good reason we move away from family! ((HUGS))

XOXO!!!

iluvtom · December 2010

I support you, thank god he likes his veggies, wish I could get callie to eat hers...State that your microphone is broken, no skyping for a while..LOL

M.Amy · December 2010

No Skyping tonight!

daisydana · December 2010

Amy - I just saw this post today. I want to give you a hug! Man, that is a lot of pressure to live up to. Being "on" in front of family every night. Plus, having your mother criticize your decisions as a mother. That's too much.

So...how did it go last night without skyping? Did you give an excuse to your mom?

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