Do you cry in front of DH? — The Bump
TTC After a Loss

Do you cry in front of DH?

So maybe this is weird - but I try my best not to cry in front of DH - especially if it's in reference to our loss.  He hates it when I cry - he just feels so powerless and I can tell it just makes him feel miserable and I think he has a bad association to it b/c someone in his childhood used it bigtime for manipulation.  The first 2 weeks after our loss I cried buckets and he would hold me and comfort me - but then I went back to work and began to limit my crying to the drive to and from work.  I've cried twice in front of him since - right around EDD and Halloween - but there were no attempts at comforting.  Am I in the minority here?

   

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Re: Do you cry in front of DH?

  • I try really hard not to I really dont want to stress him with all he has been through  I keep a lot to myself

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  • I try not to cry in front of him either. He doesn't know what to do at all and just ends up freaking out or ignoring it altogether. So to avoid feeling hurt by him on top of everything else I just keep it to myself. I'm pretty sure it's terrible for our relationship all around though.

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  • I try not to because I know he hurts too, and him seeing me cry just hurts him even more. But sometimes I just can't hold it all in and he sees me cry. If I can help it though, I don't.
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  • First, big hugs, I totally get what you mean. 

    I really don't cry in front of him very often. I don't even know why, he has and would comfort me and be nice, in fact I was crying on Thanksgiving (wrote about why in my blog) and he was very sweet and comforting.

    Before this happened I rarely cried. I didn't cry when my Grandpa died, or when we got my mom's diagnosis. I used to be rather stoic for a woman, I guess I just don't really want him to know how much I cry now, how I still get choked up and fight tears almost every single day. I often have to go in the bathroom, turn on the fan or the shower and cry in there alone.

    I also cry in the car a lot, there are too many songs with poignant lyrics. 

     

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  • I also try not too, as I know it stresses DH out even more. Sadly I am just a big sappy hormone driven mess lately.
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  • It's a difficult spot to be in. I used to try to not to cry in front of my DH. Then we had a serious talk a while back. He said that the only emotion I ever have is anger. I told him that it wasn't the case. He insisted that it's the only side HE sees. I quickly realized that it was ok to show him my softer side. I do break down but I try to keep it to a minimum when he's around because I always wonder how much more he can take if I'm always a mess. Honestly, I cry alone mostly. Sometimes before I fall asleep and I KNOW DH is sound asleep. I cry in the shower, in my car while commuting, listening to music at home...the list is endless :(

    Do you not cry in front of DH because you think he won't comfort you? Or because you don't want him to feel bad too?

     

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  • I cry in front of my DH all the time and he cries in front of me.  If I need to talk about our loss and cry he's there to listen.  Sometimes he gets frustrated because he can't "fix" it but he understands who I am and he knows that if I just cry it out than I will be ok. 
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  • i cry in front of DH. i know it upsets him to see me that way but sometimes i just need to let it out and not do it in secret.
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  • imageTapatio:

    It's a difficult spot to be in. I used to try to not to cry in front of my DH. Then we had a serious talk a while back. He said that the only emotion I ever have is anger. I told him that it wasn't the case. He insisted that it's the only side HE sees. I quickly realized that it was ok to show him my softer side. I do break down but I try to keep it to a minimum when he's around because I always wonder how much more he can take if I'm always a mess. Honestly, I cry alone mostly. Sometimes before I fall asleep and I KNOW DH is sound asleep. I cry in the shower, in my car while commuting, listening to music at home...the list is endless :(

    Do you not cry in front of DH because you think he won't comfort you? Or because you don't want him to feel bad too?

     

    I think pp said it best when they said that they didn't want to burden DH.  He's got his own emotions, work, blah, blah, blah to deal with so I just don't want to add to his load.  I was disappointed that he doesn't attempt to comfort me anymore, but I can really tell that he just doesn't know what to do and he wants to "fix" it.  Poor guy.

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  • I cry more often when I am alone but that's just because I get more sad when I'm alone... I don't try to limit crying in front of DH though.
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  • imageColleenS629:
    I cry more often when I am alone but that's just because I get more sad when I'm alone... I don't try to limit crying in front of DH though.

    This. Although I do have some pretty ugly cries when I'm falling asleep, and it's nice to have DH there to hold me.

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  • imagejertie:
    imageTapatio:

    It's a difficult spot to be in. I used to try to not to cry in front of my DH. Then we had a serious talk a while back. He said that the only emotion I ever have is anger. I told him that it wasn't the case. He insisted that it's the only side HE sees. I quickly realized that it was ok to show him my softer side. I do break down but I try to keep it to a minimum when he's around because I always wonder how much more he can take if I'm always a mess. Honestly, I cry alone mostly. Sometimes before I fall asleep and I KNOW DH is sound asleep. I cry in the shower, in my car while commuting, listening to music at home...the list is endless :(

    Do you not cry in front of DH because you think he won't comfort you? Or because you don't want him to feel bad too?

     

    I think pp said it best when they said that they didn't want to burden DH.  He's got his own emotions, work, blah, blah, blah to deal with so I just don't want to add to his load.  I was disappointed that he doesn't attempt to comfort me anymore, but I can really tell that he just doesn't know what to do and he wants to "fix" it.  Poor guy.

    I totally get it. I just told DH last week that it helps if he just listens. I know he also wants to "fix it" and be all positive but sometimes I just need to vent. I wish this process wasn't so dang ugly! Let's hope we're all crying tears of joy soon :)

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  • Thanks ladies!  ((HUGS))  I feel better now - it's nice to know I'm not the only one that does this - whew!

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  • imageTapatio:
    imagejertie:
    imageTapatio:

    It's a difficult spot to be in. I used to try to not to cry in front of my DH. Then we had a serious talk a while back. He said that the only emotion I ever have is anger. I told him that it wasn't the case. He insisted that it's the only side HE sees. I quickly realized that it was ok to show him my softer side. I do break down but I try to keep it to a minimum when he's around because I always wonder how much more he can take if I'm always a mess. Honestly, I cry alone mostly. Sometimes before I fall asleep and I KNOW DH is sound asleep. I cry in the shower, in my car while commuting, listening to music at home...the list is endless :(

    Do you not cry in front of DH because you think he won't comfort you? Or because you don't want him to feel bad too?

     

    I think pp said it best when they said that they didn't want to burden DH.  He's got his own emotions, work, blah, blah, blah to deal with so I just don't want to add to his load.  I was disappointed that he doesn't attempt to comfort me anymore, but I can really tell that he just doesn't know what to do and he wants to "fix" it.  Poor guy.

    I totally get it. I just told DH last week that it helps if he just listens. I know he also wants to "fix it" and be all positive but sometimes I just need to vent. I wish this process wasn't so dang ugly! Let's hope we're all crying tears of joy soon :)

    This!  Yes

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  • I am a crier... I cry when I'm happy, sad, angry, a commercial comes on, a show has a something sappy, someone looks at me wrong... you name it, it makes me cry.... so, with that said, I do cry in front of DH, but it's more because I can't help it... I wish I could not cry, but I don't have the ability to stop it!

  • I try to cry around him because he freaks out.  He just doesn't know what to do.  He tries to be comforting and say the right things, but he just wants me to stop.  I try to cry alone if I need to let it out.
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  • I try really hard to not cry in front of him because I know that him seeing me so upset only hurts him more. And he feels like there is nothing that he can do but will still comfort me and be supportive. I am usually pretty good at this and usually leave my crying time to when I am in the car or he is at work or something. But sometimes I just cant help it.
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  • He's only seen me cry a few times in 10 years.  It's only been at major emotional times like funerals, when our dog died and the day of the m/c.  Other than that, I wait till I'm alone and do it in the car or the shower.  I'm not really sure why I do that.  I guess I don't want him to think I'm a big baby crying all the time. 
  • imagejenniann87:
    I try really hard to not cry in front of him because I know that him seeing me so upset only hurts him more. And he feels like there is nothing that he can do but will still comfort me and be supportive. I am usually pretty good at this and usually leave my crying time to when I am in the car or he is at work or something. But sometimes I just cant help it.

    This!  Poor DH was going crazy last night.  I was a sobbing wreck for 3 hours, and he had no clue what to do. 

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  • When it comes to crying about our loss, I definitely cry in front of him. This might sound bad, or possibly paint DH in a poor light, but while I know he was devastated about the loss, I don't think that he was AS devastated as I was. I mean, I was the one carrying it, I had suffered through the horrible morning sickness during the pregnancy, and so naturally, I took the loss very hard because for me the pregnancy was SO real... For him, he wasn't as 'attached' yet because I wasn't showing, he'd only seen the flicker of a HB. The pregnancy didn't seem quite as real to him as it did to me. So, I honestly think that him knowing that I still cry about it every once and a while, even 8 months later, reminds him that what we went through was truly devastating, life changing, and the worst thing we've ever been through. I definitely don't cry in front of him on purpose. But, I certainly do NOT go out of my way to hide it, or prevent it. KWIM?

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