Scary grandparents please help! Sorry kinda long...
My DH and I live in New Orleans and both work full time. With the arrival of our first child in April this unfortunatly will not be able to change. I will have to go back to work after the 6 weeks of maternity leave.
If your not familiar with New Orleans the educational system here along with the childcare system are far from up to par. Not to menchine it just doesn't make sense to my DH and I for me to work just to pay for childcare we wouldn't be comfortable with. So we are left trying to figure out what to do with the little booger after I go back to work. (Hang in there I will be making a very important point here very soon)
Neither of us are from here and most of my family lives on the west coast and his in Virginia. The only family either of us have here is my Mother and Step Father. My mother and I work in the same office so we have the same hours. My step father is on social security/disability due to an injury that makes it so he can't work in the field. My step father has offered to take care of booger while both DH and I work during the week. Problem solved right.... WRONG!!!!
My parents have 5 dogs, 4 chuhahuas, and a 9 year old german shepard. None of these dogs have ever been house trained! In the past year they have had to remove all of the carpet from the house due to the dog excrament smell, unfortunatly it hasn't really helped. All of the furnature (a couch and love seat) are matted and discolored because of the dogs laying on them and deficating on them. The house is always covered in dog hair and puddles or nuggest are a constant anywhere throughout the house. Needless to say this is no place for a newborn.
I have already talked to my mother in a very civilized manor and voiced to her my concerns. Both parents then told me they would be taking care of the problem. Also my step dad is unable to come to our home to watch the booger because of his medical problems and needs to be home in case something happens. (Trust me I think about this constantly and have been trying to figure it out so all are happy)
Since "the talk" they said they are vaccuming the house and moping every week. DH and I have been over twice since then (for my birthday and Thanksgiving which as of right now major holidays or events are the only reason we even go over there) and we have not seen any sign of improvements. On my birthday after having "the talk" my step dad "jokingly" told me he saw a book he wanted to get me for Christmas about how our society has become to germophobic and how dirt and germs are actually good for your immune system. I cried all the way home trying to figure out what to do and how they could think this is any place for a baby to be.
My heart is breaking and I'm out of my mind trying to think of a solution to this problem. I do not want to offend my parents but I also WILL NOT endanger the life or well being of my child. Sorry it's so long and a part of me needed to rant to someone other than DH. 
Re: Scary grandparents please help! Sorry kinda long...
Dude. How about a warning on this for those of us eating lunch????
Find a private in-home daycare. I'm sure that there are SOME acceptable daycare facilites in New Orleans. Seriously.
This is what I was wondering as well.
You really need to find another option...this sounds like a horrible environment for anyone to be in, especially a newborn.
Your step-dad needs to be home "in case something happens" with his health??!! I'm sorry, but no way would I let a man who doesn't drive, lives in filth and is in bad health take care of my newborn.
I can't imagine that every daycare provider in NO is awful - start interviewing providers now.
THIS THIS THIS! Also, it really doesn't sound like your stepfather is physically capable of caring for a newborn.
Drive yes, being away from his breathing machine eight hours a dayincase he has an airway attack no.... I myself have wondered how they live in a house with the smell the way it is and he can breath in that? Go figure. Yeah were not so thrilled about the offer of him watching the baby with all his health concerns. They are so overly excited, and think just because he is "able" they are entitled to watch their grandson... I think not
Oh and about lunch I hope it was as good coming up as it was going down. Good to know there are still those of us in an economy like this that can afford in home child care my mind is at ease!
Wow - way to be rude. And there's nothing fancy/extravagant about in-home daycare - many people "in this economy" make it work.
Holyshitballs. Calm down. Last thing I want to read about when I am eating lunch is your mother's dogs shitting all over their disgusting house. If it is that big of a concern, call the damn board of health. Perhaps your SF could breathe if he wasn't wallowing in feces all day lonh.
Also, for your information, in some areas, in home daycare is CHEAPER than a center. I'm lucky to only pay $825 a month. Any other center would be $1100. Minimum. How is that to make you sick?
If you can't afford daycare, then maybe you should have saved more. Or maybe you should move somewhere that you CAN afford to have your child cared for in a safe, clean envirnment. But don't tell me there are zero acceptable daycare places in New Orleans, because I don't believe it for a second.
You have 26 weeks to figure it out. Get off your ass and research.
I was thinking this as well. Sanitary issues aside, how can you feel comfortable leaving your newborn in the care of someone who is, from the sounds of it, homebound? What if something happens to him and he can't care for the newborn? Will you find out when you walk through the door and see him on the floor?
Find a daycare (there has to be a safe/fine one SOMEWHERE).
Not being nasty just honest, wasn't expecting cynicism when posting in a group suposedly offering support.
The breathing machine is somehow "cumbersome" to take with him. Like I said I really don't understand most of this myself. They feel a sense of entitlement because it is their first grandchild. How do you let someone down gently from that?
Well they are going to be let down sooner or later. Might as well bite the bullet and do it now. Remember the safety and well being of your child is more important than SF's feelings.
If they ask just say " Oh, that won't work for us." Do not go into details or give them reasons, just a simple " That won't work for us." If they keep pestering you put your foot down and say " I am not going to discuss this anymore, if you continue to bring it up we will leave" and stick to it.
The bumpie formerly known as First Time in MI
You don't. This is your child. You don't put a child in a dangerous situation. End of story. Be a mother and tell them that. If they don't like it, tough.
Also, support and blowing smoke up your ass are not the same thing. You want to know what to do about your only option for daycare. We told you. It is unacceptable. You know it is unacceptable or you wouldn't have posted all of that here.
I wouldn't let my child spend one minute in a place like that, much less consider letting him stay there all day every day.
Please educate yourself with the differences in the different types of daycare. Support is exactly what was being offered when it was suggested you look into an inhome daycare.
You have to realize that if your SF is not in great health, he can't care for your newborn. All that you have to tell him is that you worry for his health therefore you don't want to add a newborn to the mix. You said you don't even go over there unless it's for a holiday so why would you bring your precious baby there everyday?
it's hard and expensive but you'll find a way. Unless you just want someone to say "Sure, sounds good. Go for it". I don't think you're going to get that here.
Looks like your only option is to tell them no. When it comes to the safety of my child and protecting the feelings of my mother and SF, my kid comes first. IMO they don't need an explanation at all, I would probably just tell my mother thank you for the offer but that it's just not going to work for us.
The COL in my area is high and daycare can be as high as $1200 a month. There are quite a few stay at homes moms though that offer care at less than half that. I'm sure with some interviewing you and research you will be able to find a good match.
Also, if money is as tight as you are implying you might qualify for child care assistance.
Do you go to a church? Maybe you can ask around and see if anyone has a opening for a baby at their home care center? I live in a MCOL area and the home centers are so much cheaper than the corporate ones.
Also my friend had some good luck with craigslist.
If his breathing machine is cumbersome, what would he do if he had to drive your child to an emergency doctor's appointment? How would he carry the breathing machine and the baby? Maybe that can be your reason for not leaving the baby with him, your mom and SF can't really argue with that.
Although honestly, the filthy house is reason enough.
Also, you can ask your local board for recommendations on an in home daycare.
This is what I was thinking too- go to your local Bump Board, and ask what ppl do for childcare. I honestly can't believe that there isn't a single acceptable daycare in the area. And in-home childcare means someone who watches kids in their house- not necessarily a nanny. Usually, in-home daycares are cheaper than centers.
You can't send your baby to your parents- end of story.
And for the record- people were just trying to help, and no one was being "unsupportive." You're being overly sensitive- we all get that way, we're pregnant. But own up to it afterwards, don't throw insults about income levels around, it's tacky.
praying that this is MUD and you aren't seriously considering allowing your newborn baby in a house with people who live like its a toilet. I don't care if they are your parents...that is unsafe and unsanitary. If they aren't housebroken and this is the first grandchild, chances are one of those dogs has probably never been around a baby either. Who knows what would happen in a situation like that.
The answer is no, and you already know that. Find a daycare. Find a nanny. Find something.
So instead of hurting your stepfather's feelings, you're prepared to put your child in a dangerous situation? I would hope not. That place sounds disgusting and your stepfather does not sound like a capable caretaker. What's going to happen when the baby starts walking?
This is parenting -- you make hard choices sometimes that hurt other people's feelings. Get used to it. And -- I normally don't say this but you've been pretty rude -- what the f-ck did you have a child for if you can't afford to either stay home with it, or find a suitable daycare?
I agree with this. I was going to suggest asking around - neighbors, co-workers (on the down-low though so your mother doesn't find out and become offended) anyone you trust and has children about any good in-home daycares. Plus there should be some type of government assistance you could try to apply for to help out with the cost of childcare. Granted it's all due to how much you and DH make but it never hurts to look into it! Here in GA we have "Peachtree" and "CAPS" which PLENTY of the parents at my daycare are on and they pay dirt cheap prices. (For example, a parent in my classroom only pays $75/week on whats normally $215)
And I agree with PP's about leaving a newborn with a man who can't take care of himself, his house of his pets. I mean, common. I have two dogs and have been working with kids for YEARS. Potty training my dogs was easier than most kids. ((And on that note, if he won't even pick up after his dogs shitting on his floor, who says he'll change a dirty diaper!?!)) And now that I'm expecting my first I'm even pickier about the cleanliness in my house with the dogs around. I couldn't imagine even THINKING about dropping my baby off in such bad conditions like that for a milisecond. I mean, you yourself don't even like being there and you're not crawling around on the floor like your baby would.
June Siggy: Fave pic of Aubrey and me
The public health association will consider this unsafe living condidtions. If your baby went there and your SF had to call 911 for his own health you could be charged with neglecting your child (sence you already knew the place was a back yard for the dogs). People get arrested for this very thing.
Its a public message board, people are going to give you their opinions. Happened to me a few weeks ago. You accept people will tell you like it is or dont ask questions you dont want negative replies to.
I am going to be a SAHM because I have trust issues and am way over protective of my children this is what is going to work for our family. I have been thinking about watching my neice and one other child to make some extra money.
You have plenty of time to actually go to these centers, they cant be open by law if they arent providing proper care, they are checked once a month by the licenseing board of your state, sometimes they just show up unannounced.
You can make it work many many families do. We did when my girls were little we had no fun money, we got WIC and lived with in our means. Some one else mentioned you might be able to qualify for Child care cost.
You just have to do your home work for what is best for your family. Good Luck
I agree with this part...
And I think this is what happened, too.
This is a great suggestion. Or, if you're near a college or community college, you might contact their Early Childhood Education department and see if they run an on-campus daycare or have students they would recommend to nanny or babysit.
I wouldn't trust my parents to watch my LO for numerous reasons. Luckily, mine are FAR away and we'll only visit every few years, maybe. But I understand how tough it is. Good luck!
Mac and cheese lover!