Who is NOT breastfeeding?

hurricane1212 · November 2010

This has been on my mind for the last couple of weeks. My FIL (of all people) made a nasty comment about the importance of breastfeeding before he knew that I wasn't going to. It's not because I don't want to... It's because I had a breast reduction two years ago and my boobs don't work the same as everyone else's. It has something to do with my nipples being removed during surgery and my OB says it will be dangerous for me to breastfeed and it's not a good idea. She also said that tons of babies are given formula and they turn out just fine! Am I a bad mom like my FIL says if I don't BF?

mommy411 · November 2010

oh he is an idiot! Don't worry about what people say!

Out of curiosity why would it be dangerous?

KelXoXo · November 2010

My two goddaughters live next door, and they were both given formula immediately. Their mom didn't want to breastfeed, and didn't. Both girls are gorgeous, happy and healthy, and I think their mother is fabulous.

Whatever you choose for your child (and it sounds like you don't even HAVE a choice, this is what you have to do) will be great for your family. Its no ones business if the milk in the bottle is yours or Similacs!

Pockety · November 2010

Not everyone can breastfeed, so no, of course you're not a bad mom for not breastfeeding (sorry for the double-negative!)

My mom didn't breastfeed me or my sister; my aunt didn't breastfeed my cousins, and my grandma didn't breastfeed my mom or aunt. We all turned out just fine!

I am planning to breastfeed, but in my family, I'm the weird one!

AshleyPT · November 2010

I'm not. I have Multiple Sclerosis and have to go back on medication immediately after delivering.

I posted on here about a month ago about my MIL being nasty towards me when I said I couldn't. I told her, I rather be able to see the baby or hold the baby than breastfeed the baby. She's still not convinced.

YouAreMyILoveYou · November 2010

I have absolutely no desire to BF this child. I "tried" it with both girls and I HATED it. Some women love it, say they have a special bond, whatever -- it made ME miserable! There was nothing special involved for me.

I did pump for 3 weeks with each girl, but that was just because I hated how much my boobs hurt when they were full. So, they did get SOME milk, but it wasn't from me nursing.

I don't regret my choice one bit. I know how miserable the first few weeks of BF are (pain, sorness, cracked and bleeding nipples, being th eonly person who has to get up every 3 hours to feed the baby, etc.) and I don't want to make myself miserable when there is another option.

Additionally, I work FT. Pumping at work isn't an option, so I'd have to wean before I went back to work anyway.

If you WANT to BF, I would do some research. I know a dozen or so women who have had reductions and were able to BF w/no problem, but if you don't want to do it, then don't.

Telly21182 · November 2010

My mom didn't breast feed my older brother or I and we were both happy healthy babies with no mommy issues growing up (other than the regular mom complaints a lot of adults have, jk, sort of!)

She was a teenager when her older sister had her first son and saw how hard it was on my aunt and cousin because my aunt didn't have enough nutrients or something in her breast milk and it made my mom scared to ever try.

I would like to try and hopefully I'll be able to, but if not then I won't feel bad about formula feeding one bit.

LuciesMama · November 2010

Don't feel bad. Even though I think women should if they can, 2 whole generations of Americans were never breastfed and we are just fine. I think.... ;-) hmmm.....

hurricane1212 · November 2010

My ducts don't function the same and they will most likely become clogged and cause mastitis. It is also very likely that I won't produce enough milk because of the damaging effects a significant breast reduction (mine was about 5 cup sizes, about a pound and a half of tissue from each breast) has on the lactation tissues. It is possible for me to breastfeed, but not in my best interest.

M&M227 · November 2010

No, you are not a bad mom for not breastfeeding. It's a completely personal decision based on what works best for you family. I plan to try it, but will probably get the opposite reaction. My mom did not breastfeed because formula was more fashionable I think, lol. So we'll see what happens.

It's up to you and no one else.

Michekke · November 2010

Don't feel bad. Of ALL ppl your FIL has NO RIGHT to tell you what is healthy and what isn't. This is my fourth child and i formula fed all three of my children and they turned out just fine! I did try to breastfeed my last baby but i couldn't get him to latch on. So he was formula too! They are all growing and healthy as can be! SO, tell FIL to shove it and mind his own business unless HE wants to try and breast feed lol!!!

OpheliaChem · November 2010

I am able to breastfeed and will do so for several weeks until school starts but then its on to formula. As a high school teacher, I get one period a day for lunch and one period for planning. Depending when those periods are, my boobs might explode before I can pump. Plus who wants to sit in a closet, hiding from kids, eating lunch while hooked up to a breast pump?!? No thanks. Formula for my LO after about 8 weeks. I was on formula from 4 weeks on and I'm healthy and pretty normal (I think Stick out tongue

)

IndianaSara · November 2010

You are not a bad mom for deciding not to breast feed. That is a decision between you and your significant other and no one else. Why do people feel like they have the right to voice their opinion even when they aren't asked? Ughh! Soooo frustrating.

Right now, our plan is for me to pump for about 4 weeks and then I plan to switch entirely to formula. I've heard so many horror stories about BFing that I honestly have NO desire to do so, but will try to give the baby natural breast milk for the first 4 weeks, because we've been advised that's the most important time. Fortunately, my hubby supports this decision. But, If for some reason I can't produce in the first 4 weeks, then I just think it wasn't meant to be!

kate05 · November 2010

I am not. I wish I could but I am on a medication that is not good for breastfeeding. It breaks my heart but I have to do what's best for my health. MH was formula fed and I was on soy formula as a baby due to stomach issues. We both turned out fine. I am sure I will get questions but I bet LO would rather have a healthy mom that gives them bottles with love than a sick one who breast feeds. You are not a bad mom. Your FIL is an idiot who needs to learn who to be quiet.

gymnst1013 · November 2010

Of course you're not a bad mom!! It's a completely personal choice. BFing is not for everyone for any number of reasons.

luckyluvr · November 2010

I won't be. I have never. I've never wanted to either. I have no medical condition, I just don't feel the need to. My other two formula fed children have never really been sick, are ahead on development, and are bonded to me just as any bf child is to their mother.

mommy411 · November 2010

I said I'd never BF and my DH convinced me to try and I BF DD for a year.

All I can say it is not easy. It will be the hardest thing you do. If you want to do it you have to have the support. The Bfing board helped me alot.

I don't care what everyone decides but for me it's the only way to go and the best.

Syncronicity09 · November 2010

Many babies are not breast fed and turn out fine. People will always have opinions, and always impose them on you. You are diong what is best for you and your family, and are in no way a bad mother.

JillianMoody · November 2010

My daughter is great and she is now 4, i didnt really breast feed, i was unable to produce a decent amount of milk, so i gave up and went to formula

Turtle143 · November 2010

tfmb2009:
My ducts don't function the same and they will most likely become clogged and cause mastitis. It is also very likely that I won't produce enough milk because of the damaging effects a significant breast reduction (mine was about 5 cup sizes, about a pound and a half of tissue from each breast) has on the lactation tissues. It is possible for me to breastfeed, but not in my best interest.

You're right. It's possible for you to breastfeed. I work with mom's and babies at WIC and WIC is all about breastfeeding. For women who's had any breast surgery, it's usually a "wait and see" kind of thing. Some are able to, some are not. Depending on which nerves were cut.

Nonetheless, it's your body and only you can decide what to do with it.

AshleyPT · November 2010

I'm sure people are trying to be helpful...but coming into a post about not breastfeeding and saying that it's the best and you think everyone should try doesn't feel so great to people who just stated that they can't.

sunset*skies · December 2010

I'm curious to find out how much experience your OB has actually had with women who have had reductions.

I had one 6 years ago, and went from being between an E/F cup to a small C. I had a lift and reshaping done as well, which required nipple relocation.

All the information I've been able to gather thus far indicates that, while it may not be easy, it's certainly not dangerous to try and breastfeed. You're going to produce milk either way. There's nothing you can do to stop that. Expressing said milk in and of itself isn't going to cause mastitis.

Just in looking around for myself, sensitivity is a good indicator of whether or not you'll have any success. If the nerves regrew successfully, chances are ducts and other connections were renewed. My nipples have returned to pre-surgery sensitivity, so I'm optimistic about my chances.

I'm still researching, and would be more than happy to share with you what I find. So far, the most helpful site I've come across is https://bfar.org/. Check it out if you haven't already.

With all the pressure that's being put on mothers lately to breastfeed, I certainly know how heartbreaking it is to sit down and think "This is something I likely will not do". Ultimately, I think it's better to be realistic, and do the best you can for your baby's health, and your own mental health, than put yourself through hell because of what someone else thinks is ideal.

I would rather bond with my baby over a bottle than stress out every time I try to feed. Nobody needs that kind of negative energy when they're trying to eat!

DuckDuckGoose123 · December 2010

Sounds to me like your FIL is a jerk and needs to keep his opinions to himself. It's YOUR decision whether to breastfeed, and no one else gets any say in the matter. Don't let him get to you, he's being a busybody.

I get really mad when I hear people being preachy about breastfeeding - frankly, it's no one's business but the mother's, and all of this pressure on moms is ridiculous. There's also the widely-preached "everyone can breastfeed" attitude - it just doesn't work for a lot of moms, and with all this pressure they end up feeling like they've somehow failed their children and that isn't fair, because they certainly haven't.

This is an issue that gets me riled. Really, don't let your FIL upset you. He just needs to STFU.

shorty4jesus00 · December 2010

You are definitely not a bad mom!

I am planning on BF for the first 6 wks or so, but then I go back to work as a high school math teacher. There is no way I can BF and pump while only getting a few breaks a day. I can't just leave whenever I start to leak, so our baby will be a formula baby. My brother and I were formula babies, and we have had absolutely no problems! My DH isn't completely sold on the idea, but I'm the one that's going to have to deal with it, not him, so he doesn't really get a whole lot of say in the discussion.

Birdies08 · December 2010

Like PPs said, I know someone who had a reduction and has been successful at pumping.

That being said, it is up to you and your doctor what is best for your family. There is nothing wrong with formula feeding, if that's what will give you a healthy baby and a healthy mama. GL with whatever ends up working for you and don't let anyone guilt you about your choice!

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