Does this sound like PPD or just new mommy?
Quazel
member
After spending Thanksgiving with my SIL, I am really worried about her. Her DD is 3 months old Here is a list of things that concern me/things going on. Do they sound like PPD or new mommy+stressful life stuff?
Current issues that cause a ton of understandable stress:
*Her DH, a lawyer, is being let go as of this Friday, no new job yet.
*Her DD has a hole in her heart, the follow up appointment is on 12/9.
*She left her job for maternity with no intention of returning, if her employer allows her to come back (she HATED the job), it will not cover the bills.
Things she has said/is going through:
*SIL is EXHAUSTED and complains about it all the time. We found out this weekend that her DD has been sleeping 9-10 hours a night since she was a month old but SIL is still exhausted.
*She called herself pathetic several times this weekend.
*She won't take her daughter out alone, she says "I know everyone else can do it but I can't. I am too overwhelmed. If she spits up, I can't handle it." She did go out once and met my DH for lunch. Her DD spit up at the end of the day and she won't try again. She will take walks in the neighborhood.
*She has a very strong history of depression. Even on meds, she was always a very insecure, down person. Amazingly sweet and caring, but she never believed how great she really is.
*She has lost very little of her 40+ of baby weight and says she can't stand herself.
*My IL's and my SIL's ILs come over at least once a week on different days to give her a break. She often runs errands during that time or gets a manicure. In fact, my ILs volunteered to watch her DD on Black Friday and SIL and BIL window shopped with us for 8 hours.
*Everything is a huge to-do with the baby. They would spend hours with her in their room and come down looking stressed because they had to change her outfit, feed her, get her down for a nap, etc.
*She told me that she really hopes she and her DH get full time jobs, that would be best.
*I have no fear that she isn't taking care of her DD, she is a great mother, but I fear that she is miserable.
I spoke to my ILs about it. They are concerned but I don't think they are as worried as I am. SIL has an OB appointment later this month. I suggested they call her OB and fill her in on their concerns so she knows what to look for. The OB can't speak with them but she can listen. If they don't call, should I? Does it sound like PPD to you guys? Or just stressed life? Or that being a SAHM isn't what she expected and it won't work for her?
Re: Does this sound like PPD or just new mommy?
It sounds just like PPD to me, but even if it's not "clinical" PPD, it sounds as if she would benefit from talking to a therapist either way. It really sounds as if she is having a very rough time and I really hope she finds some help. As we all know children are such a blessing, but it's very hard to feel that joy if you have inner turmoil going on. I think it might be a good thing to clue her OB in, you're right the OB can listen and then maybe they can even get her in before hand. For instance call her and say her appt was bumped up. The faster she gets some help, the faster she can hopefully start enjoying life again.
I have spoken to her and all she says is "I know, I know. I should be able to handle this." When I bring up that PPD is beyond her control, she changes the topic, which I respect.
wow. the poor girl has some serious issues going on, and my heart goes out to her. i think it's great that you're trying to help her.
i completely agree with tabitha who said she would benefit from counseling no matter what. and if she's not ready for that, maybe she can hook up with a new mommy's group. i never got the chance to go, but my pedi's refered me to a new mom's/ppd support group-- maybe there's one in her area. even just hooking up with women online who are in similar situations can be helpful.
you mentioned a history of depression... is she on any meds? seeing any kind of counselor on a regular basis?
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
Thanks everyone. I have spoken with her DH and he says he knows there is a problem but he has so much going on, I don't think he can handle it. Between working 11 hours a day, commuting 1.5 hours each way, his back being so bad he is in physical therapy and getting steroid shots, job hunting, the stress of losing his job, I think they are both a bit of a mess.
I think I will call if my ILs don't. It can't hurt. She will never know and we can have an expert opinion regarding if this is more than meets the eye.
I'll be thinking of them Quazel..even if she finds out it was you, I'm sure she would thank you in the end. It sounds like they are both stressed out and having a hard time handling everything. I hope for her sake that she finds the help she needs and begins to enjoy motherhood and life to it's fullest. Depression takes over everypart of your life and it becomes so hard to focus on anything else. She's lucky to have a SIL like you
I was diagnosed with PPD, and I went through a lot of the same things that she did.
Could you get your IL's to talk to her about it? I would feel attacked if my family had called the OB to say that there was "something wrong" with me. But at the same time, she needs help. She needs to realize that she can enjoy her baby. Its a tough spot to be in, and she's lucky to have you.