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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
VENT- NTR I'm beyond pissed (long)
I just need feedback here so I know I'm not completely wrong.
The back story is I have been friends with someone for 15 years or so. Recently she and her 3 kids stayed with me a few days when they found themselves "homeless". Shes become a different person in the past few years due to addiction issues but I've stood by her through it and done all I could to help her. The entire time she stayed with me her kids left trash everywhere, bowls etc. And to top it all off when she left the one day she came back, told me she got some seedy motel room and moved back out...never ONCE saying so much as thank you.
I even let all of that slide! Her kids have never said thank you for gifts or anything Ive done for them.
About two months ago my son got jumped by a boy in school he didn't even know. It was some teen drama and some girl started crap between them. This boy is still harassing my son for losing the fight and I do have a court case pending.
I look on my sons facebook and I see that my friends daughter posted to the boy who beat him up that she "heard what he did and she worships him for it and hopes they can be friends"
I am so beyond livid I can't see straight. I have known this girl since she was conceived, helped her through things her mom couldn't and gave them a place to go when they had no where and she is worshiping my sons tormentor now?
I am just done with the whole friendship at this point. It's become a taxing nightmare. Am I wrong for being so angry? I really don't think so and TY for reading. I had to vent somewhere.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: VENT- NTR I'm beyond pissed (long)
No, I'd be mad too. I'd definitely be cutting all ties with this family. No more e-mail/phone calls/facebook, etc with them. It sounds like you've let this go on long enough and it's time to stop letting them treat you so poorly.
it would upset me too but you have to remember, she's a teenage girl. she doesn't care what went on between you and her mom. she doesn't care what you did for her. she probably thinks your sons tormentor is 'hot' and is using the fight as a way to get closer to him.
not very tactful i'll admit, but not all teenage girls are very tactful these days
that being said, i'd probably be done with the friendship for my own personal reasons, but not because of this
Me: 37
DH: 36
Married: 08-25-07
DS: 11-20-09
Name change alert: Formerly Lisswastaken
Not wrong. It's a slap in the face. It's nice to want to help, but there's a fine line between being a good friend and a doormat.
She's obviously not ready to accept real help and can't be a real friend. Her kids are probably acting out due to their situation and mom's lack of judgment, care, etc. I would try to cut the daughter some slack but turn the anger to your now "ex" friend. Kids model what they see.
Whaaa? That is insane! Have you talked to your (former) friend about this and what is going on with her daughter?
I'm sorry about what happened to your son.
You have every right to be pissed off. My anger would lie more with the mother than the 15 year old. Teenagers can be selfish, fickle people. Maybe she wants to look 'cool' or get attention from the tormentor. Maybe she wants to be on his good side so he wont attack her for being friends with your son. Who knows?
The mother is a different story. She has taken your kindness for granted. She allowed her children to make a mess of your home and is being extremely ungrateful. Sometimes friendships just aren't meant to work out. It seems as though you have grown into a responsible adult over your 15 years together, while she has remained selfish, inconsiderate, and quite frankly dangerous (given the addictions).
For the sake of your self and your family I would really think about cutting ties. It is sad, but sometimes people come in and out of your life for a reason. Feel free to vent whenever you need it!
I am so sorry for what is happening with your son - it sounds awful.
As for your friend, it sounds like she has lost sight of what friendship is about ... I would definitely be cutting the ties. As much as she can't be held completely responsible for her teenage daughter's behaviour, it is obvious that there is a lack of respect for you, your family, and what you have done for them.
Again, so sorry you guys are dealing with this all.
Thank you ladies soooo much. Honestly.
This really was more so the cherry on top if you know what I mean? I know shes a teenage girl but shes been my "niece" and I've been their Aunt since they were born so this is a deep blow to me. And I clearly see it's a reflection of how they are taught. My family turned my back on me and my ex-friend remained tight as hell with them after as well knowing how bad it hurt me. So she is only living what shes taught. It really was more of just a moment of clarity to see that they are not the type of people I want in my lives. I raise my kids to be loyal and kind. And to not associate with bullies or hurt others. So this probably was the best thing that could have happened really. It still hurts though.
I am really sorry that you and your son are going through this. You are 100% right to be mad. I would be absolutely devastated too. Before I cut ties though, I would probably say something both to the kid, and to the mother about how upset/hurt/disappointed I was.
I'd be pretty upset too. Of course you should be and have the right to be upset. The whole "bullying" scene has gotten so out of control these days. It's really sad. I'm sorry that your son has been a victim of a bully.
This. OP, I hope you're still reading this because I wanted to say that I agree with AA. You need to make peace with yourself and your anger by calling the two of them out on their behavior but in a calm and mature manner. Just because the girl is 15 y/o doesn't mean she doesn't have the maturity to at least understand some of her actions. How else will she be held accountable for her actions? Also, by standing up to them and then breaking ties with that family you're setting an example for YOUR children that it's ok to be kind and helpful but not at the expense of your dignity and self-respect.
You are not wrong. I`d be angry too. Keep in mind the person who posted the facebook message is your friend's daughter, not your friend, but they honestly seem like way too much drama for me.
I think the kid is just lashing out because you are able to provide a stable, loving environment for your kids, and her mother isn't. I know it seems silly to say "she's just jealous!" but I honestly think that's what it is. Your friend may have trouble thanking you for the same reason. It must have taken everything in her to accept help from a friend, and accept the fact that she can't take care of her kids on her own. That must be a really awful feeling
I wouldn't blame you for bailing on the friendship, though. You've been a great friend thus far.
This. As we've seen before, it's always hard to cut ties, but this just doesn't sound like someone I'd want to be friends with.