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I feel like I'm failing in the sleep department
Ariel has become the poster child for why not to co-sleep and I just don't know what to do about it.
The first few months it was great. I mean she was basically sleeping through the night from the moment we got home from the hospital. But we've wanted her out of our bed for months now and it's become impossible. Not to mention she won't fall asleep on her own at all. I feel like I'm failing her in this. She's getting less and less sleep (as are both me and dh) and I think that being able to put herself to sleep is an important skill that she really needs to learn. With Noel I was just able to put him down in his crib and he kicked around for awhile and cooed at his crib toy and eventually fell asleep. Ariel would never let me do that. The second you leave her she screams. And we're well past that window of putting her down somewhere and having her calmly kick around until she gets tired. Now she's a mobile active toddler and I see no end game for this. Basically she falls asleep after nursing with me lying next to her (she doesn't fall asleep nursing but I have to be there) and eventually I move her from our bed to her crib but she wakes up in the middle of the night and has to be brought into our bed and it's off and on until morning after that.
I read NCSS and found it lacking in this department. At least I couldn't find much that was relevant for us. I do believe that she would sleep better in a real bed then in the crib but we can't really make that switch until we find a house and move out of the inlaws (hopefully very soon) but this still doesn't solve the getting her to fall asleep on her own problem.
I'm afraid that we've already screwed up by not teaching her this while she was still younger and I'm not sure how else to get her to learn this without resorting to cio. Anyone have any insight in how to get an older baby to learn to put themselves to sleep?
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Re: I feel like I'm failing in the sleep department
Big E (6) & Little E (2.5)
Mady still doesn't put herself to sleep. Declan is also far from it. I don't think you've ruined her! What I had to do with Mady to help the night wakings was lay next to her, patting and shushing until she fell asleep. I'd offer her water and we made sure to give her bedtime snacks so she would have a full belly.
If I were in your shoes, I'd do something similar, decide how she was going to fall back asleep (with her personality - or at least what it sounds like to me - you'll likely have to actively do it instead of just letting her cry) and then you just stay strong. Let the ILs know what is going on so that they know what all the crying is for.
I would probably, in your case, leave her in the crib (or could it convert to a toddler bed?) and pat and shush and make sure you pick her up to comfort her if she is getting too upset. With DD it took a few weeks, but we were also cutting out night feedings.
GL!
OMG - I so could have written this post, so I'm interested in reading the replies. G won't fall asleep on her own and the act of transferring her to the crib when we attempt is usually a miserable failure. We got her in her crib for an hour the other night and it took an hour to do it. It felt like such a success - the next night even going in her room was a nightmare. I told DH I'll try again this weekend, but sleep training during the week is a nightmare.
If I lay her next to me in our bed, she falls asleep so easily - I'm tempted to try and curl up next to her in her crib to get her to fall asleep in there a few times - I don't think I'd fit though. I even considered converting to a toddler bed now, but she's so squirmy she'd definitely wiggle out or wake up and get out...
Co sleeping was such a blessing early on. Now she doesn't sleep through the night and won't go back to her crib, I'm slightly kicking myself - although I do enjoy the co-sleeping in the mornings to wake up to a smile and coos. I do miss sleeping through the night myself and having some private time with DH.
Ack, we're having similar issues. I made DD a pillow with fabric she loved (monkeys!) and we took the side off the crib so she can get in bed on her own, all in an attempt to get her excited about her "big girl bed." I point out the child sleeping alone in every book we read.
I've been able the last few weeks to nurse her while I sit next to her on the floor (she's lying down on the crib mattress) and sing to her the song from naptime, and this works, but it takes a bit and she won't sleep longer than an hour and a half. I can go back in and get her back to sleep, too, but it also doesn't last. DH can't put her to bed in her crib at all, and can only half the time get her to sleep in our bed. It's frustrating as hell.
At a recent LLL meeting, I was having a quandary about nightweaning. (I still have no period and want desperately to get my hormones back on track.) The leader said with her DD, it was easier to drop daytime feedings b/c she was just too high maintenance at night, that it was just her temperament. SIL said my niece was the same. It gave me some perspective that this is just still what DD needs at night. It just sucks that it doesn't jive with what we want.
I don't think it hurts to try stuff now, at your ILs, but I'm against CIO on principle.
Heh heh I have a friend who admitted to doing just this. She said she'd curl up in there with her daughter until she fell asleep and then creep out. I have no clue how she managed it!
Thanks for the advice ladies. Sorry for the post and run earlier but our laptop is fried so I can only use the inlaws computer and it's seriously limited my time on here the last couple of weeks. This is the first chance I've had to check back.
I know that I really didn't ruin her but I just so feel like kicking myself sometimes. I feel like we did all the "right" things with Noel and had him sleeping along (in our room) for the first couple of months then started putting him down drowsy but awake in his crib for awhile even if it meant that he sometimes woke back up and we had to start over and he was sttn by four months. Granted he started waking up to nurse once a night again at 7 months but even that he'd dropped by now and that was no big deal. I just feel like if I'd dealt with this early on that I'd have it sorted out by now but cosleeping was so easy that now it's gotten too late to do the thing that I know worked in the past!
I guess I'll just have to deal until we get into a new house because any amount of crying here won't cut it. mil works 3rd shifts and fil gets up really early to head out to work and our bedroom is directly above theirs and practically above Noel's. Plus there's no fuss feature on Ariel. It's either content or screaming hysterical bloody murder. Hopefully I can get her crib stretches into longer periods and maybe when we get her into something comfier than a crib in her new room she'll work some of this out. Right? Right? HA!