Family Stuff - WWYD? (loooooong)
So.....DH and I need to break one of his family's "traditions" and since stuff like this usually falls to me via email...I guess I need a little help with the wording.
We have been doing two Xmas celebrations with DH's family - one with his g-parents and aunts and uncles and cousins and cousin's kids...and then another one with his immediate family. Basically - we need to pick one. We decided that we didn't want to spend days and days away from home on Christmas every year. So it'll be a drive into town in the am and leave in the pm thing. No spending the night.
We want to go to the extended family and ditch the immediate family gathering. Unless they can schedule them both on the same day.
So what should I say that won't sound like a b!tchy in-law that is keeping their family member away from his family over Christmas? Haha. Just that "We don't want to over-fill the kids' holiday and only plan on coming in for one day" We definitely don't want to spend Christmas Eve anywhere but at home.
This may seem silly - but DH is the first family member that has married and not moved to the same little town or surrounding area. Everyone else lives within miles of both sides of their family (including their in-laws) so this has never been an issue. It's like unheard of that we can't/won't go to everything.
Thoughts?
Re: Family Stuff - WWYD? (loooooong)
First of all, I would encourage him to call his immediate family and talk to them about it. Even though you usually do it, I think it's going to make it worse if they get an email from you saying, "Sorry, we don't want to do Christmas with you anymore." Obviously you wouldn't write it like that, but that's how it might be interpreted.
Is there a reason that everyone doesn't celebrate together? Is that an option? Because maybe you could put it that way- we'd like to celebrate with everyone.
I probably would stick to this yrs events only....no need to jump the gun for the future, bc who knows if you change your mind next yr or want to go to the other one instead or something.
I would say first and foremost how excited you are to see them at christmas time and that the kids are going to be so happy to see their grandparents and cousins. Mush it up to soften the blow.
Then I would say that you will only be coming to that area on ______ day for the extended family party. If some time can be spent at MIL & FIL's house either before or after, that would be wonderful, but if not then you look forward to seeing them at the extended family's house.
Totally agree! I'm always the "bad guy" too. We are in the same boat. 3 seperate Christmas' with my side of the family and they are all on seperate days. Granted it's only an hour away, but it's still a lot of traveling! I would see if they can condense two of them. That's what we do, otherwise we won't be there and my mom just won't have any of that business!
The first year we moved from Syracuse to Buffalo we spent FOUR NIGHTS in a hotel in Syracuse, including Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. Besides being expensive, we were ready to kill each other by the end of the time. We did the following events:
Christmas Eve with my Step-Dad's family
Christmas Morning with my Mom, Step-Dad, brother's family
Christmas Afternoon at my Grandma's on mom's side
2 days after Christmas with my Father, Step-Mom, brother's family
After that we just told everyone that we'd be spending Christmas Eve-Day at home so that Santa could find my son. We plan a weekend trip and see everyone. (Not sure what we're going to do this year since Christmas is on the weekend.)
I do agree that it should come from your husband.
A- make your H break the news! And have him call his mom/dad, not email. Does the immediate family go the extended family gathering too? Then it shouldn't be a big deal.... you'll still see everyone, right? Maybe see if they can meet up before or after the larger gathering to spend some one on one time and exchange gifts?
B- aren't you moving right around Christmas? I would totally use that as an excuse!
Last year we went to 5 places in 24 hours. Justin was so exhausted & crabby. It put me on edge so bad I barely enjoyed the day. My family is just like your DH's except my parents are divorced so we'd do my dad's family Xmas eve, dad's for Xmas morning, my mom's late xmas morning, then my mom's extended family for lunch, then to DH's family.
I think your DH should break it to them and ASAP. I just told my mom, I'm sorry but it's too much. We set up alternate dates at the end of December to visit with extended family. Is that a possibility for you guys? Maybe tell them you'd love to have them come see the house once you guys are settled for a belated holiday?
I'll talk to my DH and see if he wants to be the news-breaker. He's such a wuss with family, though...I'd be afraid he's end up committing us to a whole week, haha! I do want to set a more permanent thing, though...because I just don't want to be the grinch every year
ALSO - Leah's b-day is on 1/2...so we will see most of DH's family for that. But this year we're pushing her party until later in January.
We never had to deal with this growing up - my mom's parents were in florida so we just went to my dad's parents later on christmas day (unless we went to florida)...it stinks. My parents will probably just have to visit us because we would have to spend the night if we went there.