My MIL informed me

JustOne · November 2010

That she will not be coming down soon after Chelsea is born. She does not want me to have to cook for her or entertain her so soon after giving birth. So she wants to wait a bit. It does not happen much but I was speechless. This was after us showing her what we have done in the nursery, and her leaving the room as quickly as possible. We are talking less than a minute in the room. Only to turn around and tell us to go ahead and go to the movie so that (we found out after) she could rummage through the entire room without us there.

Also, this is the same woman that yelled at my H for 30 min 2 months ago because she did not feel that she had a relationship with Chelsea.

Thank goodness she live 4 hours away.

shaysmom05 · November 2010

Blessing in disguise? And how can she have a relationship with a child that isn't here yet?

JustOne · November 2010

Seriously, that was our question.

shaysmom05 · November 2010

I'll be completely honest, I have a bond with this child, but it's not going to be a "relationship" with him/her until they're born. lol

Sounds like a snoopy drama queen to me.

JustOne · November 2010

shaysmom05:
I'll be completely honest, I have a bond with this child, but it's not going to be a "relationship" with him/her until they're born. lol
Sounds like a snoopy drama queen to me.

I agree that I have bonded with her. But a relationship, no. And I am the one carrying her.

Mrs.McLovin · November 2010

How about you won't be cooking for her or entertaining her when she comes down no matter when she comes.

shaysmom05 · November 2010

Mrs.McLovin:
How about you won't be cooking for her or entertaining her when she comes down no matter when she comes.

LOL I know right!! What did she think you were going to do? Backflips? Swallow swords? Oh oh I got it! Walk a tightrope while nursing LO. lol

mayowife · November 2010

She doesn't sound like someone you need to be around just after giving birth... however... if she were to visit shouldn't see be the one cooking for you!?

Lucky_Dragonfly · November 2010

I'd be doing a happy dance.

minniecallie · November 2010

mayowife:
She doesn't sound like someone you need to be around just after giving birth... however... if she were to visit shouldn't see be the one cooking for you!?

my thoughts exactly

smiling76 · November 2010

Mrs.McLovin:
How about you won't be cooking for her or entertaining her when she comes down no matter when she comes.

no kidding!!! OMG---that woman makes me mad. I have two MILs and one is just like that. Somewhat self-centered. You are so better off! And when she does come, give her lots of work to do.

flutepharm87 · November 2010

I love how everyone assumes that if they come to "help" they get to do the "fun stuff" (i.e. taking care of the newborn so DH and you can cook/clean/sleep, etc.). DH and I have already discussed visitors after the birth. Anyone who wants to come and help out after the birth is more than welcome to cook/clean/do laundry, etc. WE will be taking care of OUR babies. Perhaps you could go that route?

stephanie_shoe · November 2010

I have never uttered this before in my life, but after reading this, I am glad our family is all local, so we won't have an issue with visitors. Everyone will be going home the same day!

Disneygeek77 · November 2010

Dont take it personal. Some people are more in love with the idea of being a grandparent than that reality of being a grandparent. Does that make sense? She already knows she wont put in the effort to establish a relationship with your child, but doesn't want to admit that to herself. Instead she wants to put the blame on you to for stupid stuff like not cooking for her. IT is a lot easier to blame you guys for not doing enough for her than actually getting off her lazy butt. Be prepared. She will continue to do this until you call her out on it.

HydrangeaSunset · November 2010

She rummaged through the room?? Whatever the he'll for?!!!

flowerchild77 · November 2010

Lucky_Dragonfly:
I'd be doing a happy dance.

Ditto.

LMAO

m0132 · November 2010

Sounds great that she won't be coming soon after the baby is born but I am confused why her reasoning would be "so you don't have to cook for her or entertain her.." Wtf..If my MIL were out of state and came to stay after I just had a baby she would be doing the cooking and entertaining herself by helping out with the baby if I needed it. Not that I would ask her to do that but I can't imagine her expecting me to do those things regardless of how soon it is after the baby is born, a new born takes up all your time and energy and you will be lucky to even eat let alone cook a meal for someone else. Unless she doesn't plan on seeing your baby until she is 1, then that way you can wait on her hand and foot and entertain her without being AS preoccupied. That is the most bizarre thing I have ever heard..

kappanole · November 2010

I have the exact same weird disinterest one minute, complaining we're not including her enough in this pregnancy the next minute. She's obviously being passive aggressive but don't even stress out over it, convince yourself to take it at face value...she's being NICE and doesn't want you to fuss over her when you have your hands full

(I'm sure she's being manipulative and wants you to beg her to come, but take it all at face value!!) Good luck...MILs can be challenging!

nital · November 2010

Mrs.McLovin:
How about you won't be cooking for her or entertaining her when she comes down no matter when she comes.

this. DH is taking 2 weeks off work after i have the LO, and my parents will be coming down for 2 weeks after that. with the intention of doing the cooking and stocking my freezer while she's here.

Quesera · November 2010

stw_77:
Dont take it personal. Some people are more in love with the idea of being a grandparent than that reality of being a grandparent. Does that make sense? She already knows she wont put in the effort to establish a relationship with your child, but doesn't want to admit that to herself. Instead she wants to put the blame on you to for stupid stuff like not cooking for her. IT is a lot easier to blame you guys for not doing enough for her than actually getting off her lazy butt. Be prepared. She will continue to do this until you call her out on it.

Wow I never really thought about it like this but this makes perfect sense! It explains so much about my MIL and her passive aggressive behavior towards her children and I imagine one day her future grandchildren will be to blame somehow for what's wrong in her life. I feel so enlightened suddenly!

mommyintrainning32 · November 2010

mayowife:
She doesn't sound like someone you need to be around just after giving birth... however... if she were to visit shouldn't see be the one cooking for you!?

I agree wth is she expecting you just gave birth and she would want you to cook!?! You are better off not having her around. I have a MIL that's the same way.

stargzr77 · November 2010

My advice is to set boundaries now and make sure your DH is on board. My MIL is like that and is very passive aggresive. Thank god she hasn't started asking how much weight I have gained this time around yet.

My DH is an accountant and unfortunately our first was born during tax season so he didn't get a whole lot of time off. My MIL came to visit 3 weeks after I had DD and expected to be waited on the entire time (after we had told her she needed to fend for herself). I was exhausted, just getting used to having a newborn and here was this woman bugging me about wanting to go to the mall or what we were going to eat. I had a hard recovery with a 4th degree tear. This time I am putting my foot down, as I know how she is, if she wants to come visit it will not be welcome until at least 6 weeks after and DH will get to deal with her. Thankfully my mom was wonderful and totally helped take care of all of us when she visited.

Bluescarf · November 2010

Mrs.McLovin:
How about you won't be cooking for her or entertaining her when she comes down no matter when she comes.

This. Who the hell expects a parent of a new baby to cook for them or entertain them at all? Holy hell, I am so glad these kind of people are not in my life!

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