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May 2011 Moms
Need to vent...
I have my 10 year class reunion tonight.. I was soooo excited to go up until today..actually, more like this second. maybe I am just exhausted.. or maybe hormonal (or both) but I am soooo pissed and truthfully, hurt.
My main group of friends who I am seemingly paying to go see tonight, NEVER invite me to anything (except birthday parties) anymore, since I had my LO (almost 19 month old). Its like ever since I had a baby, they think it is ok to exclude me.. and it sucks. I guess that really shows who my TRUE friends are.. but in some ways, I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest because "friends" that I have known since middle school are purposely avoiding me for no reason other than I am a mommy now. Even worse, I get to see all the pictures from all of these events on FB.. and it SUCKS.
but of course, they are excited to see me at the reunion. Go figure. We shall see if I even go to that now that I am sitting @ work in tears. Never again will I look at photos on FB while at work. Lesson learned 
Thanks for letting me vent.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Need to vent...
Mom to Benjamin 6/2011 and Lena 5/2013; baby 3 on the way
I'm guessing by what you wrote, that none of these girls are mothers. Maybe they don't want to "bother" you or take you away from your child. They might just not know if you would even want to join them. I agree with the PP's post. Talk to them. Let them know that you're available and willing to hang out with them.
Have fun at your reunion. Cheer up momma!
I agree, we went through a very similar thing with our group of friends. We were the first to have kids, and they just weren't at that point in their lives. They didn't know whether or not they should "bother" us and invite us place. We usually had to take the initiative and call them up and say "hey we have a sitter this night and would love to get together and do something" or "is something going on, we'd/I'd love to join you guys".
I also know that I was a social butterfly (well, still am
, but most of my events are so last minute (oddly enough, those are often the best times), and I know for a fact that calling my friends with babies if they want to meet me downtown for drinks/dancing with 1-3 hours notice is absolutely useless. In fact, often making plans with my friends with babies requires such detailed planning that, while it happens, it's certainly much more convoluted than "hey, tomorrow, wanna catch a movie, etc", mostly because I know that sitters are expensive, time with family is valued, you're tired, you're exhausted, (insert any excuses that we've heard), and one becomes sensitive to these things, so I try not to bother them with "seemingly" fickle invitations.
I find it best if, and I know it sucks and I am still getting ready for it, you are the one that says "hey, I am arranging a sitter for X day, and I really want to see you guys, do you think we can get together"? Or mold to their schedule like previously suggested.
They are still your friends as much as you can/will have them. Unfortunately, you're going to have to put a bit of effort, since they are just oblivious and/or they want to give you space.
If and when you do invite them, go with an open mind. They're not excluding you, they're not malicious. This could be your hormones talking. Be positive and frame it as "you'd love to get together and make a date", rather than "Hey you guys have been ditching me". In addition, and this is what truly sucks, there's a probability that if they do invite you to many things, you'll bail out on them, and worse (and please please never do this (reminders of things not to do by ComNam) never tell them "sorry, I am so busy right now with my family, I can't go", and frame it as if you're so much busier because of this (even if it's true) because that sucks to hear continuously from a childless person's perspective. Especially if it's constant, you know?
And typing that out just gave me a coronary, since I know that'll happen to me in 6 months as well. Yet another reason most of my friends don't know, adn they're still inviting me to things last minute, and I'm still dancing up a storm in preparation for a tiny hiatus.
Thank you ladies! I definately appreciate your support and words of wisdom! I am going to try to be more proactive and reach out to them more than they do to me.. we shall see what happens.
I did end up going to my reunion... the people who I was frustrated at seemed to avoid me (lol) but no worries.. I felt empowered because I have a feeling that there is some jealously hidden in there somewhere..
I am one of about 6 of my classmates who have kids.. I am one of 3 who will have 2 by the end of the year. At the end of the night, I felt blessed to be able to come home to my son (& show off my baby bump)!