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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
siobhanbbl
member
Finding it hard to be thankful ...
siobhanbbl
member
Tis the season to be thankful ... but for what?
Between my husbands family and my own, I am dealing with false support, distance (both literally and figuratively), and stubborness. I am used to playing ring leader in salvaging something close to a holiday spirt and warm fuzzy family gathering. This year, I don't want to be nice about things. I don't want smile when all I want to do is scream.
I don't want to make excuses for my family who hasn't spend a holiday all together in a decade. I don't want to smile at my mother in law after she told me the same story five times in the span of an hour. Or pretend to be interested in football when I can't stand the sport.
I want to be where I should be right now. I would have been 5 months, sporting a bump and a sleepy glow. I would have happy to bring these family forces together to celebrate.
But I don't feel like I have anything to celebrate.
Can't I just go back to bed and wake up after the new year?
(Sorry ... needed to vent to avoid crying at work ... again)
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Re: Finding it hard to be thankful ...
I TOTALLY AGREE!! what the hell are we thankful for? that a higher power took our children???wtf??
and it is good that you vent. I haven't been on here pretty such since my twins passed away. it is heartwrenching. but it is a good place to ven
i'm pissed off at the world and NOT THANKFUL!!!.
would you mind sharing your grief and ur story??
I gave birth sept 18th to twins, Angelina and Tony, micro preemies, 23 weeks 4 days old. Her sac broke a week or something before that. no clue how. They had every preemie illness/disease possible. Tony was alive for 16 days, Angelina 26 days. I guess I am thankful I got to meet our children, but pissed off to all hell that I never heard them cry, couldn't hold them until they passed away in our arms, never got to feed them, only watched them struggle to live, and they were taken away from us. The question that will never be answered is WHY WHY WHY????????????
I feel your pain and wish you well in trying to deal with the pain.
Tina
oh my gosh, i am so sorry.
i got pregnant in july and miscarried in september one week before my own birthday. i was 8 weeks along. i went for my first ultrasound and there was no heartbeat and growth had stopped. two days after they confirmed with a second ultrasound, i had a d&c. i can't tell you how many times i was asked "and why are you here? how far along were you?" like i had to re-live that news everytime they asked.
i felt like i would be less sad as time goes on, but with the holidays its as painful and vivid as ever. i am bitter and just want to be a hermit.
thank you tina, and i wish you well during this difficult time as well.
I miscarried at 16w6d. it was horrible unbelievably painful.blackness of hate bitterness. I feel so empty and lost and deflated. Its easy to wallow in and I do but I feel that I owe it to my next baby to let go of the bitterness. An so i am thankful.
So I am thankful that I didn't die. I'm thankful that I had those 17w I'm thankful that I'm not anemic. I'm thankful for my husband I'm thankful that in January we can try again. I'm thankful for learning how strong I am. I'm thankful that each day I get a little more peace. I'm thankful that I am going to get through this. I'm thankful that I have learned that my marriage is strong, I'm thankful that I'm a survivor. I am so thankful for so much.
Are the holidays going to be hard? yes. They will be hard and it will be painful to see the babies and baby bumps and all the people who seemed to have forgotten. Even writing this is making me cry but I have to be thankful.
I don't want to become consumed by this.
So I will say today is hard ... tomorrow I will be with family that loves me and my husband and despite the typical crazies that all family can be sometimes, they are special and I am thankful to have them.
And I am thankful to have had my sweet lil "nugget" or as my cousin decided they shall be named "Carlos". (He said once and it stuck.) I am thankful for those beautiful moments that I knew they were here at all. And I am thankful for my husband and the love in his eyes for them.
I am thankful to everyone here who is going through tomorrow with the same weight on their hearts and minds as you understand like no other. Your words have kind and I appreciate for them. Thank you!
I am thankful that I have an amazing husband who had supported me and put up with me through one of the most challenging years of my life. Between my grandpa dying, my mom dying, and my m/c, I'm sure I haven't been the easiest person to be around.
I am thankful that DH and I have good, stable jobs that we enjoy.
I am thankful to have wonderful in-laws who have always treated me like family. I especially appreciate my MIL now that my own mom is gone. I am thankful I have somewhere to go for the holidays without having to travel long distances, and that I will have lots of delicious leftovers to eat all weekend.
I'm also thankful to have this board, because as much as my friends and family have good intentions, no one really "gets" this except you guys. Hope tomorrow is as easy as could be -- I'll be at work in the ER. My turkey-eating extravaganza is Friday.
Congrats to both my TTC buddies, Amberley18 and sb2006 on their beautiful babies!
This. As hard as it is to remember sometimes (especially lately)...
I am so glad that you wrote about these feelings. We just delivered our perfect baby girl, on November first of this month. I was 20 weeks and was finally feeling like I was "safe". I was originally pregnant with twins but lost Baby B at 6 weeks. We lost our perfect baby due to an incompetent cervix, and there was absolutly nothing wrong with the baby, it was my stupid cervix that gave out.
I am also finding it hard to be thankful this Thanksgiving although I am thankful for the knowledge of my incompetent cervix and praying next time the cerclage surgery will be enough to make me carry to term. I am also thankful for my incredible husband. I am just finding that it is incredibly hard to slap on a smile and act like everything is normal again, when just 4 weeks ago we lost our baby being 5 months pregnant. I am tired of telling the "story" and having no one understand what I went through so why this happend to me, and I am tired of the comments that people say like "everything happens for a reason" or "Youll'll get pregnant again". I am trying not to be bitter to others either but it is definitely really hard to watch everyone around you have babies and get pregnant right now!