So upset.. need advice (MIL related)

AMG06 · November 2010

I'll try to make this as short as possible...

MIL will be watching Andrew 3 days a week when I return to work Dec. 20th. She also will be watching my SIL's 3 year old (H). We knew that she'd have to take H to preschool one morning and would have to take Andrew with her. Now we found out that she also has to pick up my SIL's other daughter (S) from kindergarten 2 days a week and also take her to school 1 of those mornings. So basically Andrew will be carted around both morning and afternoon 2 out of 3 of the days he's with her. This upsets me because Andrew needs to be on some sort of routine because otherwise he gets cranky and totally out of sorts. The times when she has to take/pick up the girls interfere with his feeding and nap times. How on earth does she expect that to work? I'm also nervous about her having to take Andrew in and out of his carseat. She's a small woman, and the 3 year old is a handful. I honestly don't know how she is going to do it.

I am a mess already about going back to work and now I have to deal with this. I'm very frustrated because I feel like I can't talk to her like I could with my own mother. DH and I are arguing because it's HIS mom so I can't vent truthfully without making him mad or upsetting him. Plus I feel bad because she is watching Andrew for free so I feel like I should be flexible since she's doing us a HUGE favor. But how flexible is TOO flexible.

Am I wrong for thinking that Andrew needs some sort of stability in the day? What would you do if you were in my position? I'm considering looking for full time daycare even though that's an added expense we didn't expect.

You're a saint if you read all of this...

ringer10 · November 2010

You are getting your first lesson that "free daycare" is NEVER free. I agree that you son needs a routine and I would also be uncomfortable having him carted around. If these are things that are non negotiable for you- then you better start to look at other day care options.

Also, when talking w/your DH- take that it is his mother out of the equation- would you let a DCP do the same things with your child? Having family watch your child requires compromise and you and your H need to have united boundaries set up in order for it to work.

Good luck to you!

hopingwaiting · November 2010

Sorry you're dealing with that sticky situation. Unfortunately, sounds like either the pick-ups/drop-offs will have to be incorporated into his schedule or you'll have to look at other options.

Addicted2thenot · November 2010

I understand you not wanting his routine interrupted. Does she have to get out of the car at either school or is there a car line? If this is your only issue I would not worry about it, younger siblings all over the world have to do drop offs & pick ups. Now if you feel like you cannot talk to her that is a different issue , you are the main care giver & you must be able to express your wishes for DS care. My MIL does not listen to what I tell her DS needs so she can not babysit our children.

lil_rhody · November 2010

Addicted2Thenot:
I understand you not wanting his routine interrupted. Does she have to get out of the car at either school or is there a car line? If this is your only issue I would not worry about it, younger siblings all over the world have to do drop offs & pick ups. Now if you feel like you cannot talk to her that is a different issue , you are the main care giver & you must be able to express your wishes for DS care. My MIL does not listen to what I tell her DS needs so she can not babysit our children.

This.

MrsB0701 · November 2010

Welcome to the world of family babysitting. My mom watches DD and takes DD to pick up my little brother from school in the afternoon. You have to learn trade offs if you're going to let family members babysit. I know it's frustrating. It was for me too but honestly now it's not that big of a deal. We changed DD's routine slightly and she does just fine.

AMG06 · November 2010

Thanks for all of your suggestions! I think if his routine would be the same each of those days it would be a different story but because it would change daily it would be really hard for him to get used to it. I talked (cried) to my mom and she gave me a lot of good advice so I need to talk to DH tonight and we will talk to both his sister and his mom about this. I'm still trying to convince DH to let me stay home for the rest of this school year. He's too money driven to let me though.

KelleyBean · November 2010

I agree that you need to have a sit down with MIL. I know it's difficult but you guys have to have open communication if she's going to be watching DS.

Rossi17 · November 2010

What is her experience with 3 kids ages 0-5? You could take the "I am concerned about my MIL" approach to ask probing questions about how she will handle all the kids. I think she and your DH would appreciate your "concern." Comments like, "3 kids seems like a lot, especially with a baby, a preschooler, and a kindergartner. What can I do to help make things easier? Are you sure you want such responsibility? I know that it will be challenging, and if it is easier for you, we can look for other options." She might either tell you the truth that it does seem like a lot, or she might try harder at being "super Grandma."

I think Andrew will adjust. My LO was carted back and forth to Grandpa's every day as a baby at different times every day (DH is a student, so classes start at different hours each day). Grandpa would take her everywhere (as would I, I am not a homebody), and my daughter got used to it. I think the whole "stability" thing is more important as the child becomes a toddler. Babies are pretty flexible (IMHO).

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