I'm a bad wife (nbr vent)

TanyaKM · November 2010

FIL and his new wife (whom I've never met) are coming in today for a week. I'm trying to be positive, but I am just DREADING Thanksgiving and the rest of their stay here.

I feel like a horrible wife, but I just don't enjoy spending time with my husband's family. I have no respect for my FIL -- who cheated on my MIL with this woman who later became his new wife -- and they always manage to bring drama with them. And I start feeling resentful because my husband thinks that since I work at home, I have all this time to pick them up at the airport, entertain them, etc. while he's at work.

So anyway, I'll try to put on a happy face but this week is going to suck. I've already stocked up on multiple bottles of wine because I'm going to need copious amounts of alcohol to get through it...

Thanks for letting me vent. Anyone else having family issues or not looking forward to Thanksgiving this year?

SarahRuthG · November 2010

Argh! Good luck with all that!

I am totally nervous for tomorrow. It will be the first time seeing and talking in person with my mom and with the ILs since my m/c. My mother is known for saying very inappropriate things that upset people and my MIL is just plain nuts. We didn't announce to them I was pregnant - we were planning to on Thanksgiving but we did tell them about the m/c because both mothers have been famous for the "When do I get a grandchild" question since the day after our wedding and I didn't want to hear any of it over the holidays and end up bursting into tears.

I too will be drinking a bunch of wine to make it through the day!

Hopefully it wont be nearly as bad as we are both expecting it to be.

ItalianGirl17 · November 2010

Tanya, I have a VERY similar situation with my ILs and that doesn't make you a bad wife. MH and I come from two very different families and there are all these obstacles we have to jump through w/his family (divorced parents - won't be in the same room - have to have separate birthday/holiday celebrations for my SD). It's a mess. I completely empathize and understand why you are dreading it. I can't offer much advice....besides: cases of wine. Stick out tongue

Hang in there, girl and I hope you get to enjoy your holidays somewhat.

TanyaKM · November 2010

SarahRuthG:
Argh! Good luck with all that!
I am totally nervous for tomorrow. It will be the first time seeing and talking in person with my mom and with the ILs since my m/c. My mother is known for saying very inappropriate things that upset people and my MIL is just plain nuts. We didn't announce to them I was pregnant - we were planning to on Thanksgiving but we did tell them about the m/c because both mothers have been famous for the "When do I get a grandchild" question since the day after our wedding and I didn't want to hear any of it over the holidays and end up bursting into tears.
I too will be drinking a bunch of wine to make it through the day!
Hopefully it wont be nearly as bad as we are both expecting it to be.

Oh, geez. I hope they don't say anything that makes you upset. Like you, I'm hoping it won't be as bad as we think -- and wine will definitely help!

TanyaKM · November 2010

ItalianGirl17:
Tanya, I have a VERY similar situation with my ILs and that doesn't make you a bad wife. MH and I come from two very different families and there are all these obstacles we have to jump through w/his family (divorced parents - won't be in the same room - have to have separate birthday/holiday celebrations for my SD). It's a mess. I completely empathize and understand why you are dreading it. I can't offer much advice....besides: cases of wine. Hang in there, girl and I hope you get to enjoy your holidays somewhat.

Thanks. I'm definitely going to take your advice about the wine

I hope your holidays are good too and the ILs don't make it too unbearable.

tblauvelt · November 2010

Youre not a Bad wife. It's perfecty normal to feel anything toward your ILs whether you love them or loathe them. I'm still borderline with how I feel toward my ILs. I hope you have a happy thanksgiving regardless.

buttercup1221 · November 2010

Oh that doesn't make you bad.. just normal. The only reason I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving is because A) I'll be working and I DON'T have to see family

I know that is a horrible thing to say, but I really don't like Thanksgiving (besides the Turkey part) and I have a huge, dramatic, family so I prefer to avoid these occasions if possible. I like my family in smaller doses, haha.

I hear you on the working from home issue! DH does the same to me... he thinks because I'm home that I should be doing dishes and laundry and cleaning house all day... never mind the job I have to do.

macy42 · November 2010

You're def not a bad wife. Although I can't relate, I can totally see where you are coming from.

I hope for you and DH's sake things will go swimmingly.

I'm also hoping that you have some wine on hand... maybe even something stronger.

Personally, (and thankfully) I am just another "H" [insert DH's last name]. I get along with his family as if I were with them all my life. Can't say it's always sunshine and unicorns. His grandparents on both side of his family are very ill and won't be able to with the rest of the family which will be pretty hard this year. On the plus side, we have a new(er) baby in the family and this will be her first Thanksgiving, and I get to photograph her and big brother!

Sorry about the book Tanya, I hope you have a very happy and blessed Thanksgiving even with such crummy circumstances.

punkymama · November 2010

::waves hand::

We have some family drama going on with my MIL this year and it has put a damper on my Thanksgiving mood for sure.

Cliff notes version is we give her money every month because she is on social security. Well, she let it slip that she wasn't too happy about us buying a new suv cause it might dip into the money we give her, she told her ex-hubby (DH's dad) who told us. MIL acts so happy in our face about the suv...and guess who has to pick her up in suv? DH has been pissy all week and he's going to talk to her on Friday about it.

megd06 · November 2010

I don't blame you at all for not wanting to see your FIL or his new wife...if I was your H, I wouldn't allow that woman anywhere near my house.

I'm not looking forward to thanksgiving at ALL. We had great plans to go to a cabin in NC with my family, but a month ago my mom confessed to having an 18month affair with a family "friend"...and everyone decided they didn't want to be stuck in a cabin with her for 4-5 days. My brother and sister are up here at my house now, but it's still just not going to be the same. I'm ready for 2011.

moosegal · November 2010

Oy. Good call on the wine & good luck getting through the week! If it makes you feel any better, we're 30 minutes into a 7 hour ride with the in laws. My MIL is currently telling me how easy it was for her to get pregnant, yadda yadda yadda. We've already covered her most recent trip to the airport and how she got the full pat down by TSA. She went into great detail (recreation of the pat down included) of everywhere they touched. Agh!!

Jessiree · November 2010

I have an extremely tumultuous relationship with my ILs and my H and I haven't spoken to them in 8 months, and they live 10 minutes away. I have to confess that I am deeply relieved that we aren't seeing them for the holidays and have felt pretty guilty about my overwhelming relief. I don't think you're a bad wife at all, and enjoy that wine!

gammage20 · November 2010

Unsolicited advice: I don't think you should feel like a bad wife for not liking your ILs - as my Mom says, "You can pick your nose, and you can pick your friends' noses, but you can't pick your family." That goes for ILs, too. If you want to know other people's opinions (and please ignore me if you don't), I think you should make peace with the fact that you don't like them, make sure you're polite and make them comfortable, and, unless they are outright rude to you, just don't do anything that would affect your husband's relationship with them. Don't forget that you married your husband, not his father. As long as you love him, just imagine that they're badly mannered children, and don't sink to their level. Enjoy the wine, and use Thanksgiving to be thankful that they don't live with you.

TanyaKM · November 2010

Thanks for the advice, ladies. I'm feeling better already, especially since their flight was delayed. Ha!

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