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Parenting after 35
Broke for Christmas
Like many others, we are broke this year. We have decided that we are not exchanging gifts with anyone- even grab bags and homemade gifts are over our tight budget this year. We have accepted this, but how do we tell others? Do I call my relatives and say "don't get us anything because we can't afford to get you anything?"
Speaking of grab bags, I have been invited to several parties with different groups of friends that are having grab bags. I am not sure how to handle this either. I would still love to go to the parties, but can I go and not participate in the exchange? It seems awkward... like the fact that I'm the only one not participating will take center stage.
Anyway, I would still like to enjoy the holiday without making a spectacle of the fact that "we're broke." Any suggestions? Thanks!
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Re: Broke for Christmas
I know you are broke but here is a cheap idea:
Buy holiday type coffee mugs at thrift stores (they have a lot this time of year). Fill it with hot cocoa mix, throw in two marshmallows and add a candy cane. Wrap in saran wrap and instant gift!
Or you can even use paper lunch bags instead of coffee mugs. Just draw a cute little winter scene on the bag and call it a "Warm winter's night by the fire in a bag." Or "just add hot water" on the bag.
We're broke this year too. I got laid off in August. We were just up front with people. My family was totally fine with the no gifts thing. It was a relief to a lot of people actually since we are all in different states and had to mail packages, etc. DH's family does the white elephant exchange with a $20 limit, and we will participate in that, and that's it. Anyone who makes you feel guilty about it is just ridiculous. In my opinion, Christmas is really for the kids. The presents part is great and all, IF you can afford it. But the obligation to spend money you can't afford is NOT the reason for the season.
You could just make some discreet phone calls to family (or email) and say that as much as you'd like to, it's not in the budget this year, and as a result you'd be more comfortable not receiving as you would feel bad not being able to reciprocate. Or suggest everyone forego the big exchange and adopt a needy family instead, and your contribution could be wrapping all the gifts and organizing it. ??
I don't think you need to call all of your relatives, but maybe you could let whoever you are closest to know that you guys won't be giving any gifts this year, so others shouldn't feel obligated to get you anything.
As for the parties, when it comes time for the grab bags,just say something like "Oh, I forgot to bring something" or "I forgot to buy something" or "I spent all my gift money on the baby this year" or something similar. I doubt anyone will care unless you take a gift out without putting one in.
Any kudos to you for being smart and not spending money you don't have, instead of going into debt over a holiday!
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Last year with my ILs I called a halt to the "gift" giving as we were basically exchanging giftcards for equal amounts and I felt it was pointless and meaningless. I suggested instead we do a cookie exchange, bake a couple dozen of your fav. cookies and you go around and take one/some of each and you go home with lots of holiday "goodies". We did still do gifts for the kids and FIL still gave us all $$, which he does every year.
It was a lot less stressful than previous years. I am hoping we will do something similiar this year however, I might make a little something for them.
My SILs were complaining about their grocery store bags getting out of control, so I think I might make them one of those tubes with elastic on both ends. They will be easy and inexpensive.
I do like the hot chocolate idea. You can also do hot chocolate on a stick for our cookie/treat exchange.
https://www.giverslog.com/?p=3290
for the friends thing, can you offer to be "Santa" for the day and hand out the gifts since you're can't participate in the gift exchange? this is what i do because that $20 makes a friggin difference!
as for relatives, i stopped buying years ago and i think we're all ok with it... everyone just buys for the kids under 18. maybe someone will bake cookies or something and give that but really, i stick by buying nothing for anyone over 18.
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What about a gift of "time?"
A homemade coupon to a friend for an afternoon of free babysitting?
Another coupon to an elderly relative/parent for help around the house?
A coupon to offer to host a board game night at your house?
These are great ideas!
I totally know what you mean - we are in the same boat. We've already had discussions that we will not be buying any gifts except for the kiddos. And even then, we're only doing a couple of gifts for each of the kiddos and stockings. We figure S is too small to know, so I've been shopping for her at second hand stores. For T, any money we spend for Christmas will probably be for him. I'm hoping that there will be some good deals on Friday to cover him.
I'm doing a lot of regifting or baking for any parties we are invited to, coworkers and even S's daycare providers. I've stocked up on blueberry muffin and cookie mixes and plan on baking any gifts and getting cute tins/boxes at one of the dollar stores. I've started keeping a small "gift closet" for such events when either I find some nice things really cheap or receive something that I don't really need.
I love pp ideas of either offering to be the "impartial" Santa or saying that you forgot the gift at home. While no one has the right to judge you, this prevents people from asking too many questions. HTH!