Family Drama Vent (really long)

vanverth · November 2010

While my family drama can not hold a candle to things going on with some of you, it is driving me crazy. As some of you may remember, my MIL died in September. The oldest niece who is 24 quit her job and moved in with her husband to take care of grandma. Tim and his brother have decided they do not want to sell the house and have agreed to give the house to the niece. Since September, she has been cleaning out 50+ years of stuff and trying to find a job. Her and her father got into a fight last week because she kept calling him asking him what he wanted to do with certain belongings of his. He finally got mad because he wanted his belongings to remain at the his mother's house. Even his wife, who was over here two nights ago said that she does not understand why their daughter and SIL just does not box things up and put it in the basement of the house. As I told her, I do not have a dog in this fight because there is nothing that belongs to me in the house and I intend to have Tim get over there and get those things that belong to him. However, my question to her is has the family given her a house to make "her" home or have they given her a warehouse of their stuff that she can live in? My BIL is not dealing well with his mother's death and is depressed. When he is depressed he can be an a$$hole. And his home is very small and he and his wife are pack rats so it is full of their crap. There is a pile of toys in the living room that belongs to their son, who currently lives with us to go to school in this county, who is 17 years old. So there is no room for his childhood treasures.

And everyone is coming to our home for Thanksgiving. And my family will be there. Tim has already told everyone to leave the arguement for another day and behave themselves. Party!!! We bought 12 beers and my brother is bringing a couple of bottles of wine for dinner. I will need them.

lynnshey · November 2010

Ah - family drama! Don't you just love it - and it so hard to try and remain neutral. I can totally see your niece's point of view, but I can feel for your BIL if he isn't handling it well. Maybe storing it all in the basement until her dad feels better might be the way to go. Maybe this spring she can tell him to come get the stuff and give him a deadline.

Hang in there - this too shall pass. I'd make sure to claim one of those bottles of wine for you!

vanverth · November 2010

Where I get frustrated with him is that no one else in the family can just stop and be misrable. We all have to get up, go to work and function. He does not work and just sits in the house most of the time and makes his wife misrable. (She is the co-dependency queen.)

Pesky · November 2010

"Okay, dad, I understand -- I'll keep them. They'll be here if you ever want them." Then about 90% of the boxes should "accidentally" be donated and no word said to him unless he asks. Problem solved. Pack rats are pack rats -- you can't make them get rid of the stuff but I don't think it obligates her to hold on to a bunch of crap he hasn't used or wanted for 20 years. Odds are he'll never even know it's gone.

Daisiesinmygarden · November 2010

See, I guess the SIL is nicer than me. I wouldn't have called and asked. If it was his I would have just boxed all his sh*t up and helpfully delivered it to his house, into his driveway. He could either buy a shed, find room in his house, toss or sell it. His crap, his solution.

I hope everyone can jsut set it aside for the day.

On a more empathetic note, I know my mom saved some weird sh*t after my grandfathter died. they cleaned out his drawers and she actually had a wrapper (the little sleeve) of gum. Fortunately, there wasn't any ABC gum in it.. But it took her a while to be able to let go of the "trash" and keep the treasure. I guess she was afraid it was little pieces of him and she couldn't get it back. That being said, she never asked anyone else to keep his junk.

stever · November 2010

Hooray for Thanksgiving family dramz!

But seriously, you've got the right attitude overall and on Thanksgiving I believe all you can do is smile and try to deflect any impending craziness.

M.Amy · November 2010

Hmmm, it seems to me that it probably feels too soon for the family to have things thrown away. My suggestion is for her to pack things up, put them in the basement for a while and if no one comes to claim them then like Pesky said to start donating things.