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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
kimberleigh30
member
embarrassing/sad question for you - need advice
kimberleigh30
member
So I had LO back in January. I still have 12 pounds to lose. I'm very aware of it. However my H loves to remind me that I should be going back to the gym to try and get back into shape.
It seems like every day he is making some sort of "gym' comment to me. Saturday afternoon we moved LO's crib down to the lowest setting because he is starting to pull himself up. I asked H if I was gonna have a hard time bending over to put LO in his crib. (The crib at daycare is so low that I can barely reach in if he is laying down to pick him up). So H tells me it would be good for my ab exercises. After that comment I had it and haven't talked to him since. That comment wasn't bad, but it was just the cherry on top of the comment before that and the comment before that, etc.
I hate the fact that he think it's okay to comment on my weight and it makes me sad. Am I stupid for feeling this way?
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Re: embarrassing/sad question for you - need advice
That is just wrong... You need to sit down with him and calmly tell him how this makes you feel - before you break down or blow up. It is hard enough to deal with how our bodies have changed after baby... and then to be judged by the person that should love you unconditionally?
As far as the crib goes, when my cousin comes to visit she can't put LO all the way down into the crib either - and she is a size 2. It all has to do with your height, so tell him to blow that one out of his @$$!
you aren't stupid, he is. if i were you i would sit down and have a talk with him--tell him how much it bothers you.
he should be supportive and motivating you instead of putting you down!!
He is being insensitive, and you should speak honestly with him about it. Tell him how it makes you feel and that you'd like it to stop.
But I will say this: perhaps it's out of a place of love. DH doesn't comment on my weight (I'm still holding onto a few prepreg lbs), but if he notices me feeling down about it, or commenting on it myself, sometimes he gently reminds me of the gym membership I have, just sitting unused. He's not saying it b/c he's displeased with how I look, but b/c he doesn't want me feeling bad about myself, kwim?
No, you're not stupid for feeling that way at all. It's pretty hurtful for him to make those comments to you, especially after all that your body accomplished throughout pregnancy, birth, and the past year of taking care of a baby... with the physical challenges and sleep deprivation that it entails!
Shortly after i gave birth, DH was making comments that we should do P90X together, and it made me feel totally self-conscious about my weight. I finally told him that i had no intention of committing to a workout plan in the near future and that his comments hurt my feelings. He backed off after that.
Don't feel bad about your 12 pounds. It will come off when you're chasing your little toddler around.
Just tell him your weight is off limits as far as comments are concerned. DH was saying things like this because he thought I "needed support." (whatever) I let him know that I was having terriable self-esteem issues as it was and that what he was saying made it worse. The comments stopped.
I know what you mean and when he finally figured out that night that I wasn't speaking to him he got pissy because he just thinks that last comment was just a joke, and I'm sure I would of taken it as a joke if he hasn't said the other 20 comments in the weeks before that. He even said he was trying to motivate me but I guess I'm the only one who can motivate me into getting back into shape.
I haven't spoken (except for about LO) since Saturday night and I hate it. All I want is an apology.
My general reaction is that he is being dense. I hesitate to say insensitive b/c believe it or not, in guy language he might think he is encouraging you. He does not have the right to make comments UNLESS you are complaining about your weight. IMHO, that opens the door.
This. I'm not taking his side, but sometimes guys just don't get it and in his brain, this might actually be encouragement. You should hear how my DH's friends talk to each other when they are pushing each other to go to the gym - I would cry! Maybe he doesn't realize that he's hurting your feelings. Talk to him.
In the 12 years we've been together, DH has made ONE comment about my weight. Years ago I was complaining about the size of my breasts, and he said something like "don't take this the wrong way, but what if you just tried losing 10 pounds?" I bawled my eyes out, called him a jerk, etc. He was honestly saying it in a trying-to-be-helpful way and felt terrible after. He learned pretty quickly not to do that ever again.
Sometimes they need to see and hear how hurtful those kinds of comments are. If you've already been clear about that, well then now he's just being mean.
Baby Boy #1 born 1/15/2010
Babies #2 & #3 arriving Spring 2014 (EDD June 18)
Men are idiots. If all you want is an apology, giving him the silent treatment isn't going to get you one. Men don't get "alterior motives".
Flat out tell him that his comments hurt your feelings and aren't doing anything to help. In his own little mind, he probably think that his comments are "motivating", when in fact they're having the opposite effect.