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StrawberryAlarmClock
member
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Do you keep old love letters from exes?
StrawberryAlarmClock
member
Cleaning the basement, I found a shoebox full of letters from a college BF. We parted on good terms after 2 years. He was my first love and we had an awesome relationship. He's one of those exes that you run into and feel genuinely happy for them that they are doing well. We're FB friends and he knows I'm a married mom. My point is, I'm truly over him and content about that. Yet, the letters are a piece of my past, almost like a diary. They are full of good memories, not necessarily of him, either. They bring back trips, concerts, old long-lost friends, etc. Do you think I should keep the shoebox? If I do, I want to tell DH it's in the basement, not to get his permission or make him jealous but so that if he stumbles across them he knows I'm not hiding them or any old feelings. On the other hand, I can't say whether I'd want DH to keep old love letters so that makes me a hypocrite. It's not like I might miss them if I pitch them. It's just that 50 years from now, I may want to read them and feel like I'm 21 again....like I did this morning. WDYT I should do?
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Re: Do you keep old love letters from exes?
I may be would keep one or two of the less lovey dovey ones for a walk down memory lane but certainly wouldn't keep a shoe box full of letters from the ex.
Don't tell DH there is a shoebox of love letters from an old love, regardless of your intention. Your bringing it up at all will make him wonder why now, of all times, you're thinking of/reminiscing over this relationship. I know you say it brings back memories of good times that are not ex-bf specific but it still stands that they are Love Letters from Another Man so dump them.
TBH I threw out all the old photos of old boyfriends. I don't need to see their faces anymore, or need their photos to think about the good old days. DH is the same way, he doesn't have photos or keepsakes from old lovers and we're happy just as we are.
I kept pictures/letters from my ex for a long time.
Once my DH and I got serious (when we got engaged) I went through them all and I threw all of it away.
Don't hang on to that stuff , even if it is sentimental. You still have your memories and should your hubby find that he may or may not be ok with it. So I wouldn't take the chance.
That's JMO
Imagine what your H would think if he found it.
Now think about it if the situation were reversed.
Happy Birthday, little man. We love you so much!
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Toss them.
I have a few pictures of me and a former BF - DH knows about it and I have them put away somewhere. I am going to get rid of them because I look at it like this: What would DS think/say if he finds them when he is older? Who is going to want those when DH and I are gone? I really don't think our kid(s) are going to want pictures of their mom with another guy. KWIM?
I kept them for sentimental reasons, but don't really feel compelled to have them around anymore. Next time I uncover them, they are getting trashed.
Man, I haven't listened to them in years. I wonder where my CDs are. The last time I saw them was at a Warped Tour and they used most of their time on stage talking politics. The audience started walking off to another stage.
I threw mine out however H and I have been together since High School so the letters were stupid anyhow. "How was PE? Did you have to run?"
TOTALLY counts.
No toss them.
I never received any love letters from ex's, so I had no tokens to keep. (I had bad, BAD, relationships. Including and abusive one at 17.)
But, I remember this one time DH and I had gone back to his parents place. They have a basement apartment kind of deal. It has a living room bathroom, laundry room, mini kitchen, and two bedrooms. DH's bedroom for as long as he can remember was that bedroom. While his parents we're throwing all his stuff out to redo the room we were there. DH was picking through stuff, mostly to see if he wanted any of it when someone pointed out framed pictures and letters from his ex. Of course it bothered me to an extent. Why hold onto something like that all these years esp when they had broken up well before he ever met me and left for boot camp.
I'll admit that I still have some laying around in a box at my mom's house. I just haven't gotten to throwing them out yet.
Interesting question for the digital age - would you delete pictures of you and an ex from your FB page?
Abraham Arthur 2/21/10 // Asher Kendall 11/11/11
I thought this when I found H's stuff.
And just a question for everyone else who answered: what would you do if (god forbid) DH died and then ten years later you fell in love and remarried? Besides the stuff you'd keep to pass on to LO, would you throw out every love letter, valentine, etc.?? Or if you married a widower - would you make him toss all those things?
We both still have boxes that are all high school and university memorabilia. There's letters from friends, exes, pictures of everyone, etc. I lump it all together. DH doesn't care that I have it...if anything I'm starting to get more annoyed that we each have another box of crap taking up space.
We plan on moving in the next year or two....I doubt they make the move.
I'll be a weirdo w you.
We both have stuff from past relationships & it doesn't bother me. It doesn't lessen our love for each other. Maybe bc we've been together for 10 years & since college there's a lot of space between our previous relationships - looking at stuff from them makes them seem incredibly immature & silly & actually reinforces the (mature, for real) love I have w DH.
It's not like you're keeping the letters next to your bed & reading them on a daily basis or anything. They're in a box in storage, where things from your past go. They bring back memories when you re-discover them every five or ten years. There's nothing wrong w that, IMO.
I wouldn't keep them. I literally destroyed everything from my ex and I'm glad I did. Our parting was not pleasant, but even if it had been, I wouldn't want that stuff hanging around.
That being said, I have kept every single letter my husband and I have written and, in the future, plan to make a scrap book with them.
I'm with ya. I have a shoebox of old love letters and photos, and my husband couldn't care less. I married him, I have a child with him, I love him. I'm not going to destroy all evidence of my relationships before him, and I would never ask him to do the same. Those experiences helped shape me into the woman he fell in love with, and we'd have a major issue if he wanted me to destroy letters and photos just because I had a romantic life before him.
Great reference! Love that movie.
Abraham Arthur 2/21/10 // Asher Kendall 11/11/11
DH and I have this discussion a lot. He's not the kind of person that keeps sentimental things like that, so he pitches 'em. I, on the other hand, keep EVERYTHING. He is well aware of my boyfriend box and has zero issues with it. When we were cleaning our house in prep for renovations, I found a box of stuff related to his ex girlfriend that came before me. We looked through it together (and laughed at her "custom made engagement Tiffany's ring" that she wanted, and promptly sketched out for him)
I think it really depends on your relationship and the jealousy factor. OP, I'm with you. When I go through that box every once in a while it reminds me of "innocent" times, and I like to laugh at how much I have changed. IMO, as long as you aren't lusting after things that you saved and feel that you "let one get away", then you should probably throw them out and then assess your relationship.
I love everything that you said in this first paragraph, but I also love the reference to Eternal Sunshine!
If only I could do that with some exes....
I agree with both of you. As a matter of fact my mom has some old pictures and letters from boyfriends that as a teen I got a kick outta reading! Its part of who we are as individuals...that person shaped who we are today and why our SO's love us for that. Take it as lessons learned and a good experience. We ALL have first loves...and regardless if the relationship ended poorly or BFF's its a love that you'll never forget. Part of me will always love my ex...in a totally different way that I love my husband. The same for him and his ex. Just my opinion.