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XP: Please helps: Is this a good present?

ExcitedtostartExcitedtostart member
in Snarky and T-TTC
So, I have a terrible relationship with my brother and his wife. They have had no part in DH and our lives together, and... there's just sh*t-tons of drama.They have 3 children - a 7 year old, an almost 3 year old, and am 6 month old. I haven't seen the 7 yr old since he was 4, I saw the 3 yr old once at 9 mos, and not met the 6 mos old.  Over the past 2 years, we get no acknowledgement of gifts, and don't know if the kids get them, if we're way off base with what they want/need, or if they don't like them. We are very generous with gifts, and send them frequently - Bdays, holidays & when we go on vacation. Not monetary generous, just little trinkets from trips. I am frustrated. This year, DH & I are at a loss. I don't know these kids. I don't want to give them 'bad' gifts, but I don't know what to get them. They have a very limited relationship with my parents as well, so there's no way to figure out the right thing to get.  I'm thinking of getting all 3 kids their own subscription to Cricket magazines - Babybug, LAdybug, and Spider. Are you familiar with them? Is this a good idea? Bad?Their parents are difficult - frequently, when we did have communication, I would give the kids gifts and they would be taken away from them as "inappropriate". (In no way were they outrageously inappropriate - unless maybe the Bag O' Glass is wrong for a 4 yr old. (Is it?)Help me. Please. I'm really torn up about this, and I keep crying. E 
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Re: XP: Please helps: Is this a good present?

  • Dr.LorettaDr.Loretta member
    Why are you sending gifts in the first place? I know you're probably thinking, "We don't want to punish the kids just because their parents are douches." But at this point, if they're not going to be even given to the kids, and certainly won't be acknowledged, I wouldn't even bother.
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  • SerendipitieSerendipitie member
    Yeah, I kinda agree with Dr L. Here's the deal - you have no idea what they tell the kids about you guys, and they really don't know you from personal experience, so almost anything you get for them probably won't be appreciated the way you want the gifts to be, especially if they don't even give them to them. It sucks and it's sad, but I hate to see you racking your brain and tearing yourself up inside trying to please people who obviously cannot be pleased. (((HUGS)))
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  • LTF525LTF525 member
    I'd probably skip the gifts too. It'd be different if you knew they were getting them, but given the circumstances it's not worth the stress.
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  • yogisunamyogisunam member

    Since you've been giving them I think it would be kinda "mean" to stop. I think the subscriptions are as good as idea as any. I was going to say a season pass to a zoo or museum, but your credit would likely get stolen.

    I am curious...what's the reason for the horrible relationship. You don't have to tell me, obv, but....

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  • heather_09_15_07heather_09_15_07 member

    If you really want to send something, I'd probably send the entire family one of those Pepperidge Farm gift baskets. That's what we usually send to people we either don't like/don't know/have to send something to.

    But in this instance, I'd probably just send a card.

    2 girls and a dog
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  • yogisunamyogisunam member
    imageheather_09_15_07:

    If you really want to send something, I'd probably send the entire family one of those Pepperidge Farm gift baskets. That's what we usually send to people we either don't like/don't know/have to send something to.

    But in this instance, I'd probably just send a card.

    I actually LOVED getting those things when I was a kid. But I've always been unusually excited by food.

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  • heather_09_15_07heather_09_15_07 member
    imageyogisunam:
    imageheather_09_15_07:

    If you really want to send something, I'd probably send the entire family one of those Pepperidge Farm gift baskets. That's what we usually send to people we either don't like/don't know/have to send something to.

    But in this instance, I'd probably just send a card.

    I actually LOVED getting those things when I was a kid. But I've always been unusually excited by food.

    Lol. I did too. But as an adult, I can't help but wonder how old that food is.

    2 girls and a dog
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  • ExcitedtostartExcitedtostart member

    imageDr.Loretta:
    , "We don't want to punish the kids just because their parents are douches."

    This, totally this. And sending gifts that aren't welcomed is pointless and won't do anything to make me feel better in the long run. Thank you for the reality check... :)

    Brother and his wife are actually really good parents - they are just horrible nightmares to us, my parents, and anyone brother is related to. They are narcissistic to the point of insanity. 

    I don't think I noticed how upset it made me or how ignored we were until I married DH. My brother has had nothing to do with DH since we started dating, he didn't tell me that he wasn't coming to our wedding until the day before (I didn't expect him to come, but still), I had major surgery last winter and he never said a thing. They're both entirely self -involved, and I would write them off except that their kids should have the option of knowing that there's a whole family out there that cares for them. And yes, I realize my buying toys at Christmas isn't going to change anything. Sigh.  

    We've decided to send them a magazine subscription, and just start buying savings bonds for when they're older. They don't lack for toys or clothes now, and unexpected money is always awesome when you're 18.

    Thanks - your input really helped. What's the definition of insanity? Constantly doing the same thing and expecting a different result? :)

    E


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