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How did you handle labor/hospital/home visits with your newborn?
And, more importantly, do you wish you had done things differently?
My parents live in the Huntsville area, so they are only an hour and a half away. My MIL is in FL 8 hours away, but it's a quick plane trip. My mom is under the impression MIL is going to come "after we call and say I'm in labor". I wasn't really thinking I wanted DH calling anyone right then, as I'm preparing to go med free and want to stay at home as long as I can. DH is going to be a huge part of helping me... I'm just stressing of the thought of "keeping people updated" and people waiting around for him to be born and being there immediately after the birth at the hospital.
I don't want to get overwhelmed. And maybe that's weird, I mean, people do see new babies when they are in the hospital, but given that I hope I'd only be there a short time, I don't know how I feel about people seeing me there. I do seriously doubt MIL could even make it up by then.
How did you feel about hospital visitors and when you got home? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but I really don't want anyone there RIGHT away if that makes sense...
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Re: How did you handle labor/hospital/home visits with your newborn?
We made it very clear to everyone that we did not want visitors while I was in labor and we wanted a few hours to bond before anyone came up to meet her. Everyone knew when were were going to the hospital since I was induced and DH texted family to let them know when I was going to the OR. After she was born he made a few phone calls to update everyone that she was here and that everyone was well but not to come up until after 7pm. FIL and stepMIL tried to come up at about 4 but DH told them they could wait in the waiting room until 7 if they really wanted, but they might as well leave and come back, nobody was seeing her until we were ready. I'm so thankful that DH was so supportive and adament about adhering to my wishes.
I'm sure I hurt some feelings with this decision, but I just knew that I didn't want a ton of people in the room with me while I was laboring, and I'm so glad I stuck to that decision. I had a really awful labor experience (pit ctrx were literally off the charts they were so bad) until I got my epi, and once I got the epi I just wanted to sleep. After she was born I really cherish the few hours that we had her to ourselves before a ton of people came in and "took her away" from us. We really needed that time to bond if that makes sense.
Once we got home, we just asked people to call before coming over. We wanted to space visitors out so that none of us got overwhelmed. I'm glad we did that, too, since we had so much trouble BFing, I needed the quiet time.
I'm with Lindsay, I loved having visitors at the hospital. I had a c-section, so I was thankful for my mom and MIL being there to help out because the first 12 hours after I had Miller were really hard and DH had to handle everything. It was so awesome seeing all my friends come and it really did make me feel better. At one point I had 20 people crammed in my room and it was great!!
When we got home I was still recovering (my section did not go good) so we had DH's grandmother come up and stay with us. We were gonna handle it ourselves the first few days but I was really struggling so we called his grandmother in early and she stayed for 2 weeks. Her helping at home was priceless. My mom and MIL also came over and visited and helped and brought food.
With all that being said, you should have the birth/delivery/home visitors that you want. If you don't want anyone at the hospital then that's totally up to you. Your Dh is going to be your biggest allie in this fight b/c people will wanna come and visit. I might tell him to call people and update them AFTER the baby is born, that way you guys have time to yourselves and won't feel completely overwhelmed with people.
I went in the night before for induction and so it was just me and Wes until about 10am the next morning. Then my parents and his parents came. I was perfectly fine with my parents there, and my FIL was fine, but my MIL stresses me out because she is just a hyper lady. But overall it was nice having them there to talk to and pass the time.
Where I got stressed the most was after birth. I had a c-section and when I got out of recovery and was wheeled to my room not only were our parents still there (which I was fine with), I had a dozen other relatives there as well. Now granted it was mostly because I had an aunt in the same hospital having surgery on the same day so thats why so many...but it was overwhelming since I had labored for almost 14 hours and then had a c-section. I was exhausted and I just wanted to hold my baby. A big thank you to the HH nurses who asked everyone to leave the room for about 30 minutes to give me and Wes some alone time with Aubrey, seeing as this was the first time I got to hold her.
So to answer your question, next time around since I know I will be doing a repeat c-section, only our parents are allowed that first day. Anyone else can come the next day or after.
I think you have to do what you are comfortable with. For some people they don't mind visitors, but for others they just want some quiet time with their new family. In the end everyone should really respect what you and your husband want and choose to do.
I enjoyed having company when we got home and actually wanted to cry at the end of the day when I knew it was going to be just the three of us. I went in for a scheduled c/s. We arrived at the hospital at 5 a.m. and my inlaw's went with us. It was nice because they took plenty of pictures of DH and I. My sister arrived right before they took me back. After c/s I was in recovery and we had about 30 minutes as a little family and then we allowed all the family to come back. My recovery room was packed (14 people not counting DH and I). Everyone got to see him and hold him for a short period and then they left to grab lunch. Once I was set up in my room everyone started returning. I had a lot of visitors through out my stay which was fine. By 7 each night I was glad to see everyone leave because I was tierd.
DH's family came over the day we went home (on a Monday). MIL and FIL left that night around 7 and I wanted to cry. I was so scared to be left alone with this new baby. MIL offered to stay but I knew we needed to do it on our own. She took off that entire week to stay with me durning the day because DH went back to work that Wednesday. I had a lot of visitors that first week. Week 2 and 3 my grandmother came to stay with us 3-4 days. I loved having her. She cooked, cleaned and helped out with the baby if I needed her to. DH and I did not want to see her go.
Everyone is different and you need to do what you are comfortable with. It's all about that baby from that point own so if someone does not like your decisions, they can kiss it!!!
Thanks so much for the input ladies. I am thinking along the lines of Amelia, probably. I appreciate any help when we get home and all, but I just want some bonding time too. But it really helps to get this info from moms who have already been there! It's hard to know what to think before you've been through it before.
I was induced, so everyone knew when I was at the hospital. I was fine with everyone coming to the hospital and people could stop by and say hello, but I only let my mom come into the room after I had my epidural. And of course, only DH was there for the c/s. After James was born, no one was allowed in my room until after I had recovered and had an opportunity to spend time with DH and James.
The next day....I was fine with visitors ( as long as they understood that I could take James whenever I wanted).
I was also fine with visitors whenever at home. If he needed feeding, I either went to another room (if there were men there) or fed him with a cover.
I will do it exactly the same if there is a next time.
I labored mostly at home and didn't go to the hospital until I was about 6 cm dialated. By that point, it was around 7 p.m. at night.
Because I labored through the night, we didn't really many visitors and I was glad about that. Before my mom got there two of my closest girlfriends came and hung out with us. Honestly, if I have a choice I'm hoping they'll come up and do that again whenever we have our next. It was really stress relieving to be able to bounce around on a yoga ball and laugh with my friends. I think that made my labor that much easier.
Otherwise, I'm on the "no visitors during labor" camp unless you want someone specifically to be there. After the delivery, I also was very lucky that my mom went home and DH and I had about 6 hours of rest and one on one time with K. Around lunchtime that day, we had some visitors and later that afternoon his parents arrived. But, other than parents/grandparents I like the idea of no visitors the day a baby is born.
Now... when we got home we had it rough. I'm the type that needed to shut myself up in the house with only DH, me and the baby. The day we got home from the hospital we had DH's brother, SIL and kids come to visit, plus a dinner party of all of our closest friends. BIG MISTAKE. I ended up alone in the nursery crying with the baby and was so stressed out. My milk wasn't in yet and K was hungry and jaundiced and it was just horrible. The lactation consultant told us the best thing for us to do was to spend time together alone as a family unit and tell all the relatives that they could come back after a week. That's what we did... and it was so much better.
natural m/c and d&c at 10 weeks - 1/24/2014
DX w/ hetero C677t and A1298C MTHFR - 3/4/2014
well my ILs are HOURS away, like 11. They are in IN. I wanted my mom and sis there, so when we knew I was going to be induced they were there all day and a few days after. My mom came back a weekend later to help me and DH stayed home a few days here and there for a couple of weeks.
I will say this, you do what YOU want to do and what YOU know you are comfortable with. Don't worry about hurt feelings or anything like that. I would stick to what YOU and your DH want to do as it's your child, your home and your time during this special moment in your lives.
Everyone wants/does things differently in this situation so do what you would like done.
And I went natural after laboring for 10 hrs (again I was induced) so I really just wanted DH, mom and sis there. No one else.
I'm in the "more the merrier" camp, except for the laboring part.
As someone who works in L&D, I would say you might want to consider fewer visitors while you're laboring. We have ladies show up with tons of family and friends and find that a lot of time it causes problems with the mom resting, which makes for a more difficult time during labor. Especially if they come in for an evening induction (which is really just cervical ripening and the induction part starts the next day) -- mom needs to rest and let the meds work, not have a constant stream of people in and out and stay up all night long or being stressed out that someone's feelings are going to get hurt or trying to deal with family drama.
I don't know anything personally about the labor part though, that's just my perspective as an outsider looking in.
We enjoyed having visitors in the hospital post-delivery and my IL's arrived at our house the evening we were released from the hospital and then when Payton was 11 days old, we left for a 2 week trip to Texas to see the rest of my family/celebrate Thanksgiving.