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July 2011 Moms
x0stephanie
member
If you are waiting to tell people about your pregnancy
x0stephanie
member
Until thanksgiving, christmas, end of 1st tri/whatever, are your parents extempt from this? I know everyone is different but I'm just wondering what exceptions you've made.
My mom kind of haggled me into telling her, even though I really didnt want to. Afterwards she tells me that most people wait until the end of 1st tri to tell.. I was pretty annoyed and told her thats what i had intended to do. And she told me that that obviously didnt mean her, just other people and seemed HURT that i didnt plan on telling her until 12 weeks. I still feel upset about this b/c I'm just NOT comfortable discussing it yet, and shes always asking me questions about symptoms, drs appts, ultrasound results and talking about it like its no big deal. She told my dad too. I dont want to talk about it yet and she doesnt get it.
Anyway, did you tell your mom first? Did she sniff you out like mine did?
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Re: If you are waiting to tell people about your pregnancy
I told my mom because I was nervous about the low betas but I talk to my mom about everything because she is in the medical field. She calls me everyday to check in with me, which is fine.
I have not told my dad and won't because he will tell everyone and make it like I'm having twins so sadly, daddy dear has to wait. I'm still going back and forth on telling my MIL. DH is leaving it up to me but she's one of those overbearing ladies and not sure I want to deal with that until I get better news.
BFP #1 - 11/16/10 CP 12/1/10
Our team green turned into team pink!
BFP #2 17dpo - 47, 19dpo - 114 Chart
The first time around we told the inlaws ASAP (We work together and live on the same farm, MIL isn't stupid.
I also needed her support). We told my parents a week later when we saw them.
This time around everyone's waiting for the same time. Although I have a feeling MIL has a hunch.
I told my parents and a few friends several hours after the bfp. I will tell everyone else after my first dr appointment on the 9th.
I'm sorry that your mom is giving you such a hard time. If you can ignore her or change the subject. It's a personal choice when you decide to tell people about the pregnancy. Go with what feels right for you.
This exactly. My parents live across the country and I don't want to tell them over the phone. My IL's have a huge family, so we're going to tell them on Christmas Eve and hopefully everyone can just keep it off FB until we tell my parents 3 days later.
The Sand in My Snow Boots
Haha... right after I made this thread my mom called me, and told me she wanted to have me, DH, and DH's parents over for dinner. I told her flat out I was not comfortable with that because she is obviously going to out me to them. She got soo upset and couldn't even handle continuing t he conversation even further and said goodbye.
I don't understand why she possibly thinks this would be good for me right now. I just kept saying I wasn't comfortable with it and she just didn't understand. I dont want my inlaws to know for a long time because last time they werent supportive at all.
Well this is our first pregnancy and we know the first tri etiquette but there was no way I could hold out on my parents. I stop by their house almost every Friday on the way home from work for an hour or so (it's on my way home) for a glass of wine so to basically skip their house for 12 weeks would be obvious.
We told them right away almost -- but if we had a m/c I would want to talk about it with them anyway.
My DH felt we had to tell his parents soon after that -- just so it wouldn't seem like we left them out. All of this I'm fine with. What I became uneasy about was this weekend was my great uncle's funeral and my mom really thought the family could use some "positive news" so they asked if they could tell my aunts and uncles about the pregnancy. We said it was fine but I'm still really nervous something bad will happen and all these people are going to know. :-/
I understand how you feel. I bet your mom just want to share the joy with you when you're being more cautious (or don't want her in all your business). You just have to do what you're comfortable with.
I keep very little from my mom. The only things I don't tell her are things that are private between DH and me. I called her about 60 seconds after getting the BFP, right after I showed DH. And I told my dad at the same time. I told my brothers the next day after I got the results from my first beta.
We are starting to tell DH's family tonight since we got to see the baby's heartbeat this morning. We are hoping to keep the news from his mother indefinitely. As far as we're concerned, she can find out she has a grandchild when the baby is 30 years old.
ETA that my parents are 1000 miles away. Distance is unimportant to me. I talk to my mom almost every day.
Our parents are not the exception... we plan to tell them at Christmas (~10 weeks).
My dad is going out of town until Dec 20 so it will be easy to keep it from him. I have a sneaky suspicion that my mom will guess, because she's psychic about stuff like that. I am not prepared to share the news with my ILs; they'll be happy but I worry that MIL will be overbearing. But we don't see them often so it will be easy to keep it from them.
The one exception we HAVE made, however, is telling our brothers. We're both very close to our brothers and trust them; we just wanted to share with someone and they were the best choice.
I BARELY feel pregant, so i am waiting for after my first dr. visit to 'officially' confirm I am pregnant(why i don't trust the pee test, i don't know!) before we tell close friends and family.
I'm 6 weeks in now, starting my 7th week. We have our first appt after 8 weeks, and i should get a sonogram picture to take back with me and THAT"S when we plan on telling our parents and my best friends.(Lol, when i have proof!! )
So to the best of my knowledge, no one has 'sniffed us out yet'. but i barely have any symptoms right now (no morning sickness or moodiness. Just tired, slightly crampy, and tender nipples.. and no period! lol)
Most of the risk of m/c is gone after 8 weeks and even better after 12. So at christmas we will tell our families, and then after new years when i am into my second trimester, we will 'go public'.
From my experience, most people tell immediate family and close friends earlier on in the 1st trimester, and then after the 1st trimester tell others. I can TOTTALLY understand you not wanting to talk about it now, even with your mom. But I understand her side as just being excited for you. and frankly, for herself! this is her grandchild and HER CHild's first child!! Imagine the kid you have growing in your belly growing older and having kids of his/her own! You'd want to take part of it I would think!
But basically, just tell her if you want to wait to talk about it till you have 'adjusted' to the idea! It's how you feel and you are entittled to your feelings!
It's interesting, we've done both. With DS we wanted to wait. I didn't have as strong as a relationship with my Mom and in all honesty I didn't want to hear about her m/c experiences if we found ourselves in that situation. We told plenty of friends first and then parents around 9w.
With BFP#2 we only told two friends, my Mom and brother at 8w. A week later I miscarried. It was really rough, understatement, and I needed her support especially.
It was really hard on our family to deal with the m/c, so we opted to wait with LO. We haven't told anyone other than a BFF at this point. We will tell our families at Christmas.
We told both set of parents around 4.5 weeks. Thankfully they are very respectful of our decision to not tell others until we are comfortable. We are telling more family on Thursday, as long as all goes well at our appointment tomorrow. I've also told a few friends that I'm close to. Other than that, every one else can wait until Christmas.
I'm sorry your mom is making you uncomfortable. Could you try being blunt with your mom and say, "I don't want to talk about it until I'm comfortable, which is when I'm out of the first trimester (or whenever that is for you)."
It does sound like she's just excited and trying to be supportive of you, but I understand how that can be a lot, especially if you aren't ready for it.
It's our first pregnancy and it was a surprise. So we were overly excited and told our parents/ siblings through Skype after our first doc's appointment. That was because I thought I was 8 weeks. As for friends I suggest not telling them until you want the whole world to know...as they might do some dumb ish and post on your fb wall. (lucky me for disabling posts on my wall).
(I'm cranky today and I have to go for my daily walk b/c i'm becoming a fat ass)
Well, my first pregnancy my mom sniffed me out. lol And we told everyone we knew right away! But when it didn't work out, it was very awkward to hear,"So congratulations!" for around a year after and have to say "For what?" Even though we knew what they were talking about. Sigh.
SO, this time we told our immediate family (Moms,Dads,and siblings) right away and swore them to keep it a secret. We are thinking of telling only our closest friends(that can keep a secret!) after our first Dr's appointment in December and the rest can wait until after the 1st trimester. Baby steps this time!
I have told my sister first with each of my pregnancies. I tell her everything and I wouldn't even consider waiting to tell her. If something bad were to happen, I would want her to know. (And we talk like a million times a day, so it is really hard to keep things from her! lol)
With my first pregnancies I also told my parents right away. My first two were pregnancies were great and no issues whatsoever. But this year has been rough - one late loss at 18 weeks and a blighted ovum. So with this pregnancy I thought I would wait until I at least saw a hb before telling my mom. That didn't pan out though. I find that I am quite a blabber mouth with my family.
I ended up telling her last week. Hopefully I will have an exciting update for them next week after my u/s!
I would have liked to have waited after 12 wks, or at least xmas(11wks). I had to tell my mom because she was in the process of getting me health insurance through her job and I didn't want her to pay for it if maternity benefits were not included. So I had to tell her asap (besides she is a NP in womens health and has lots of experience with women & prenatal care etc... I wanted to be able to talk to her about it)
So it was only fair that we tell my BFs mom. And then somehow his dad told his sister and brother & then other brother and other brother etc. So now his parents, and 4 siblings(and spouses) know.
And my mom harassed me to tell my sister.
We will tell our closest friends at our annual holiday Cocktail Party (dec 17) and the rest of the world on Christmas/thereafter (I will be 11 weeks at christmas)
I think everyone is bursting at the seems when they find out. But after a loss (from what Ive read people say) people are much more reserved and hesitant about sharing. (which is only natural I think)
Susan & Mark ... Married June 14, 2008 ... Chicago Area
James Tomasz born 1-5-10
Grace Dorothy born 7-13-11
PROJECT BALANCING ACT: BIO and BLOG- yeah... needs to be updated.
My mom pestered my sister for details but didn't ask me. I think she was scared to ask me, she didn't want to make me upset b/c she knows we had tttc.
My parents waited until I told them and then they said they already knew! What was bad was my sister (who cannot keep a secret), was tricked into confirming it for my folks.
M&D: Its ok, ____ told us.
Sis: Told you what?
M&D: You know.
Sis: I know nothing.
M&D: Well she told us she had big news in the summer.
Sis: I know!
M&D: She didn't tell us (I already had), and thanks for confirming it!
My sis apparently looked heartbroken, b/c she thought that she had spilled my big secret! My parents just liked messing with her, b/c I had told them earlier that day. They are a little evil.
6/14/10 BFP; 6/30/10 Dx ectopic
11/16/10 BFP #2; DD born 7/26/11